Chapter 2: I Am The Littlest Brother

We drive for days but we're close now and Dean isn't pulling over for the night. I try really hard to stay awake but the heat is on and it feels like a blanket, I can't keep my eyes open. I ask Dean to turn down the heat a little bit.

"Are you kidding me? It's freezing" He smirks but I know he's not cold. He wants me to fall asleep and my body reluctantly obliges. I wake up again when the engine shuts off. It's pitch black outside and we're in front of a large apartment.

"Is this where Sam lives?" I gape

"Yup"

"Cool!" I say and reach for the door. Dean grabs my shoulder and pulls me back in my seat

"Whoa, whoa pipsqueak, where do you think you're going?" He asks

"Inside with you to go get Sam" I frown

"Nuh uh, you stay here and wait for me to get back"

"Why?"

"Because I'm catching him off guard. He's probably going to come out swinging"

"Why don't you just ring the doorbell" I squint

"Because" He starts and pauses to think, "Just stay here"

"But Dean-" I plead as I scoot over to the driver's side he just climbed out of

"Stay" He orders and closes the door.

I open the door a crack and poke my head out "Dean" I whisper

He turns and puts a finger over his mouth before running towards the apartment. I close the door and cross my arms tight across my chest. I miss Sam too and I want to see him really bad. I bring my knees up on the seat and sulk in self-pity at the moment I was robbed of so unfairly by Dean. After what seems like an eternity, a light flicks on. I catch my breath and crane my neck over the steering wheel for a better look. I can't see anything that's going on. I imagine Sam and Dean hugging and laughing. They're probably on their way back now. I sit back in the seat and yank down the rearview mirror. Dean's going to be pissed but I have to fix myself. Sam hasn't seen me since I was a little kid and I want him to see how grownup I am now. I lick the salty palms of my hair and grimace at the taste before raking them through my hair. I try to put it up like Dean's but my hair is too long and it keeps flopping out of place. I lick my palms again and try again but all I'm left with are sticky hands and damp hair. I tousle it a little and hope I don't smell like spit. What's taking them so long? I lay back and wait. Finally I see them coming. They look like they're fighting but I don't care. I move back to the driver's seat and roll down the window.

"Sam!" I whisper loudly

"Hey big guy" He smiles

"Hey" Dean says to him calling his attention away "I can't do this alone"

"Yes, you can"

"Yeah. Well, I don't want to"

Sam takes a deep breath and shakes his head "What was he hunting?"

Dean tells me to put my head back in the car and pop the trunk and I do. Sam's back. I smile.

"How's school college boy?" I ask teasingly

"It's great, I love it"

"Looks like Sammy got himself a girlfriend" Dean smirks

"Don't call me that." He says firmly and leans his head back to talk to me "She's great"

"Is she pretty?"

"Is she?" Dean scoffed

"Yeah. She's a knock out" Sam says and looks out the window. It gets quiet but I'm so excited I can't help but talk. I talk so fast and I say so much that I don't even know what I'm saying. Sam laughs, amused by my enthusiasm and I feel proud of myself.

"So, how's baseball?" He asks me

"He hasn't played in a while" Dean answers for me, "Been moving around a lot since you've been gone and we haven't had a lot of time"

"Oh. I'm sorry" Sam says to me

"It's okay" I say, "I get to watch it on television all the time since Dad left. A whole week of baseball"

"A week?" Sam squints at Dean, "I thought you told me it was three weeks"

"A week, three weeks, what does it matter? Dad's gone. Something is wrong. I can feel it"

"Dad always checks in, Sam" I agree and the car goes quiet again. Sam is mad at Dean and we've only been together for ten minutes. I try to think of something to say quickly to break the tension but Dean beats me to the punch.

"Okay kiddo, Bobby's or Pastor Jim's?"

"What? No! I want to go with you!"

"You can't. It's dangerous"

"No fair! Dad took you hunting when you were my age!"

"I'm not Dad, now you pick or I do"

"I haven't seen Pastor Jim or Bobby in so long, Dean! It'd be so awkward! Why can't I just stay in a hotel or something and wait for you to get back?"

"And leave you alone? I don't think so"

"Dean. You're not about to drive from California, to Minnesota or South Dakota to drop me off just so you can drive back to California to find Dad"

He paused and I beamed internally, triumphant. It gets harder and harder to get talk Dean into or out of anything now. Whining about stuff worked better when I was younger, now I have to actually use logic to get what I want.

In the morning Sam and Dean set out again, this time without him. Before he leaves, Dean gives me the routine rundown of what I'm supposed to do in case of emergency. "Yeah, yeah, yeah I know all of this already" I groan and he leaves. I salt the doors and windows, pull the rifle into my lap, and flick on the television. It's going to be a long boring day. Dean or Sam checks in every couple of hours for the next two days. I pig out on pizza and soda that I buy with the credit card Dean left me. When they get back a few days later, it's without Dad. It's nighttime and Sam wants to go back to his apartment. I'm hurt and angry but I don't say anything. Sam says Dad's in Colorado and he can't go with us. Dean's upset too but he drives anyway and drops Sam off. I climb into the front seat and strap in as he pulls away.

"Looks like it's just you and me, little guy" He says and reaches over to the radio dial to turn up the music. Then he stops.

"What's wrong?"

"My watch stopped." He says and spins the car around before speeding back to the apartment. I remember that day vividly, Dean bursting inside Sam's apartment and pushing him out. The fire licking out of the windows, the firefighters best efforts to quench the flames. I keep hoping that Sam's girlfriend will make it out alive. She doesn't and we hit the road. Sam wants to find Dad more than ever now.

Sam has nightmares; he can see the future in his sleep. I think he's a superhero just like Dad but Sam and Dean aren't happy about it. Sam feels like a freak sometimes. I wish I had super powers like Sam, I would trade places with him if I could. Dean is always worried about him and taking care of him. I accidentally cut myself on a knife in Dean's bag and he gets angry with me. I apologize but I'm not really sorry. The stitching hurts but as he scolds me, we have our first direct conversation in months.

"What were you doing? You know how to handle this kind of stuff"

"It was an accident. I reached my hand in without looking first"

"Sounds like a fool proof plan, genius" He rolled his eyes irritably and finished stitching up my hand

"If I catch you going through my stuff like that again, I'm going to kick your ass, capisce?"

"I'm sorry" I am, but only because it hurts so much. "Capisce"

It takes months to find him but they do once. It was on a hunt and I wasn't there but he made no attempt to come back home. Dean says Dad's closing in on the demon. I don't care. I stay angry with him.

I'm twelve years old and it's my birthday. Bobby takes me shooting. I'm not as good as Dean or Sam yet but I'm getting better. When Bobby takes me back home we get a phone call from Dad. I'm so excited; I forget that I'm still upset with him

"Hey kiddo" He says

"Hi Dad, when are you coming home?"

"Soon son, real soon. How are you holding up? You doing okay? Listening to your older brothers?"

"Yes, sir" I nod although he can't see me

"That's good. I want you to listen to them and do what they tell you. They'll take care of you"

The tone of his voice makes me anxious, "Are you coming home now?"

"Not yet. I have some business to finish up. Give the phone to Bobby"

I do. The phone call leaves a bad taste in my mouth and I pout because my birthday is ruined.

A few days later the Impala pulls into the driveway and I run out to meet them. Dean and Sam come inside but Dad isn't with them. My heart sinks.

"Dean, where's Dad? He said he was coming home soon"

Dean pushes me aside and walks into the house.

"Sam, where's Dad?"

"Evan, get inside" He says as he slings a duffle over his shoulder and heads in himself

I chase after them, anger mounting "Where is he? I deserve to know!" I shout

"Will you calm down?" Dean snaps, "We're going to get him back"

"Get him back? What do you mean get him back? Where is he? Dad's in trouble? Where is he?" I screech

"A demon got him, okay? But we're going to get him back"

"Then I'm coming with you"

Dean cocks his head to the side and I know what's coming next before he says it

"You're not going anywhere."

"He's my Dad too!"

"Yeah, and I'm your older brother! You're my responsibility and I said no"

"You let Sam go!"

"Sam's not twelve"

"He's right, son" Bobby sighs, "it just ain't fit for kids your age"

The dog starts barking outside and then gets quiet. Bobby runs to the window and looks out.

"Evan, go upstairs" Dean orders

"Bu-"

"Go!"

I run up the stairs just as I hear the front door slam open. I hear crashes. I want to help but I know better than to go downstairs again. I grab a rifle and crouch down by the staircase ready to go if they need me.

It's nighttime again. My legs have fallen asleep from not moving for so long in this position. I hear Bobby telling Sam and Dean to get moving. They're about to leave without me again. I stifle an angry cry as a crash of emotion washes over me. They have no right to keep leaving me behind like this! Without thinking, I jump to my feet and ride the wave of adrenaline to Bobby's bedroom. I drop the gun on his bed and yank the heavy window open. A cool breeze rolls in and chills me to the bone but I keep moving. I half climb, half fall down the side of the house and run to the car keeping as low as I can to the ground. I open the back door a crack and climb in. When the front door of the house closes, I close the door behind me and slide as far as I can underneath the passenger's seat. When daytime rolls around, I can't believe they haven't found me yet but they aren't paying attention. Dean parks the car and he and Sam start arguing about a gun. Then they walk away. I crawl out of my hiding spot and peer over the edge of the backseat. They're nowhere in sight. I lie across the backseat and wait for them to return. I know I'm in trouble but I don't care, I just want to see Dad again. By nightfall I'm starving so I climb out of the car and amble over to a berry bush close by. I know what to look for, Bobby showed me once. They aren't poison so I grab a handful and cram them into my mouth. The sweet juices trickling down my throat remind me of how thirsty I am. I grab another handful and stuff my mouth again. I'm so engulfed in eating that I don't hear the footsteps approaching until it's too late.

"Evan?" Sam barks and I freeze. I can feel juice dribbling down my chin. Before I can swallow or say something Sam is hovering over me. His face is all bruised up like he's been fighting.

"What are you doing here? Did you stow away in the car?" He demands. Dean shuffles over, Dad is hanging limply over his shoulder.

"Dad!" I gasp with a full mouth "Is he oka-"

"Get in the car" Dean shouts at me and lays Dad down in the back seat. I start for the back to sit next to Dad but Dean grabs the back of my collar and swings me around so that I'm facing the front seat instead. I climb inside through the passenger's side and Sam follows. Dean walks around to the driver's side and gets inside. I wipe my chin with my sleeve and look down at my feet. I have so many burning questions but I know better than to ask now.

Dean glares straight ahead and turns the key in the ignition "Big trouble" he says and we peel off.