Chapter 11: This Is A Fresh Start

When I come to again it's dark outside and the car is off. Dean opens the door to the backseat and I feel like I'm still dreaming.

"Oh, you're awake" He says in mild surprise

I slide out of the car and throw my arms around him as tight as I can. I can't believe he's really here. I feel like I'll wake up at any second and he'll be gone from me. Dean wraps his arms around me and hugs me back.

"Hey there little guy" He whispers

"Dean, how? How are you here?"

He breaks the hug too soon and shakes his head "I don't know but we're going to find out."

"I was starting to think I'd never see you guys again"

"Well I'm right here now and… wait, what do you mean you guys?"

"You or Sam"

"Why wouldn't you see Sam again?"

"He didn't tell you?" I squint, "he dropped me off at Ellen's"

"Yeah, I know. He said he was working on a case"

"Yeah. Your case."

"So why wouldn't you have seen him again?"

"Dean, he left me there for three months"

Dean's mouth dropped into a straight line, "What?"

"He dropped me off at Ellen's three months ago. I mean, I didn't care or anything" I shrug. Dean's jaw clenches as Sam walks over to the car.

"Booked one room with a double bed and a couch." Sam says, he's smiling brightly. I can't remember seeing him this happy

"Sam" Dean glares

"What?"

"Evan, Sam. You dropped Evan off at Ellen's for three months?"

Sam looks down at the ground and sighs.

"What happened to taking care of him while I was gone?"

"I couldn't" Sam mumbles

"What?" Dean squints and leans forward as though he couldn't hear him

"I couldn't" Sam says a little louder this time and looks directly at Dean, "I couldn't take care of him. I couldn't even take care of myself. I'm sorry, I just knew Ellen would be able to take care of him better until I got myself back together"

Dean frowns "We're a family Sammy. That means we stick together"

Sam nods and looks at the ground and Dean sighs, "Okay, let's get inside"

"That's it?" I gape, "that's all he gets for leaving me alone and breaking his promise to you?"

"What do you want me to do? Beat him?" Dean cocks an eyebrow at me and swings his overnight bag over his shoulder, "Come on, I just got back. I'm happy to see you. I don't want to fight"

I glare at Sam and he pouts at me. His eyes are big and glassy; the patented puppy look that Dean can never help but to forgive. I just harden my gaze, tighten my lips, and follow Dean into the motel room.

Dean puts his stuff down on one bed and Sam offers me the other with a nod.

"I left all my stuff at Ellen's" I say as I stretch out on the couch. Sam heaves a sad sigh and puts his bag down next to the empty bed

"Your stuff's right here" Dean says tossing me a bag. "We stopped by Ellen's before we came by the school"

I'm disappointed. I was hoping that I could have used not having my things as an excuse to go back to Ellen's place.

"Can I have my cell phone?" I ask Dean and he shakes his head no.

"We had to toss it, we can't risk being tracked down by the cops"

"But I have to call Haydn! She's going to think I abandoned her!"

"Evan, I'm sorry. We can't risk it right now. It's better for her if she doesn't know where you are anyway"

"She wouldn't give me up, Dean. Trust me! She's not like that" I plead, "She's smart and kind and she loves me!"

"I'm sure she's a sweetheart" Dean says calmly, "but we have to lay low for a while. Okay?"

I look at my biggest brother and nod. He's back from the dead and all I've done was argue and complain to him since we've reunited. I'd leave the Haydn discussion for the next morning but for the night, I was just going to be happy that Dean was back from the dead. Dean looks relieved that I'm not pushing the subject and he kicks off his shoes. He looks at me and grins, "you've gotten bigger"

"Really?" I beam and look down at my body

"Definitely, you're taller too. I better watch out, the Sasquatch gene runs in the family"

I hold back an eye roll from Dean's reference to Sam and change the subject, "So… What was it like?"

"What was what like?"

"Well… you know… hell?"

"I don't know. Don't remember" He says and lays back on his bed, "get some sleep. Tomorrow we're heading out early to meet up with Bobby and see if we can find out what sprung me"

He takes a blanket from his bed and tosses it to me. It smells like him and I wrap myself around in it when he turns off the light. I remember the times when I would climb into his bed at night because I was having a bad dream. Right now, more than anything, I wish I were young enough to get away with doing that again tonight. I can hear Dean's gentle rhythmic breathing and I know he's asleep. I wonder if Haydn is sleeping or if she's awake and crying over me. I hope she understands…

The next morning Sam walks inside of the room with drinks and bags from a local fast-food restaurant. Dean is in the shower. I wish he would hurry up so Sam and I didn't have to be alone together.

"I got you pancakes." Sam says to me and raises one of the bags up to show me, "and a chocolate malt. Those are your favorite"

"Not hungry" I lie casually. I haven't had fast food for breakfast in months and I'm torn between relieved at the familiarity and sad that my life at Ellen's really did end that quickly. Sam looks down and nods his head as though he understands.

"Can we talk?" He asks and sits down at the table

"Why would we do a crazy thing like that?" I grumble

"Look, I know you're mad at me and I-I get it" He nods, "but Evan, I couldn't-"

"Can you spare me the speech? You sound like a broken record" I roll my eyes but even I'm surprised that I'm talking to Sam like this. I've never been rude to my father or brothers on purpose. Sam doesn't look angry though; he just sort of nods and takes a breath as though he's debating whether or not to try again

"I didn't want to leave you," he finally says "and I'm sorry"

"No, you're not. You'd do it all over again if you had the chance" I accuse and drop myself down at the table bitterly. "Wouldn't you?"

"Yes" He sighs as though he feels guilty, "but that doesn't mean that I'm not sorry"

"Alright, fine. You're sorry" I shrug and stand, "what do you want me to do about it?"

"Nothing. I guess. I just want you to know"

"Mission accomplished." I say with a brief sarcastic smile and Dean walks out of the bathroom followed by a cloud of steam. He claps and says it's time to go. In the car I ask if I can call Ellen to find out how Haydn is doing. Dean seems a little annoyed as he dials the number and turns on the speakerphone. The call goes directly to voicemail and Dean tells her to give us a call back when she has the chance. I'm unhappy but I appreciate the attempt anyway. Dean's amazing. He asks about my summer with my girlfriend. I tell him about laser tag and bike riding, he cringes when I talk about meeting her folks, and grins when I tell him about our night camping out under the stars. He laughs and winks at me through the rearview mirror.

"Atta boy" he chuckles. He seems so proud of me that I contemplate not telling him that Haydn and I never made it past second base, but then I think of her and how she'll feel when she finally gets to meet my brothers and they think she's just some girl I screwed over the summer.

"It's not what you think, Dean" I say quickly, "It was innocent. It was nice"

"Wait. You mean to tell me that you had a girlfriend for a month and you didn't even…"

"Nope"

"Not even…"

"No."

"Did you at least get to…?"

"Dean, we held hands, we kissed. We talked. That's it. Can we drop it now?"

He makes a face but he changes the subject and starts talking about Bobby. I'm excited that we're going to meet up with him today. I wonder if he'll think that I've grown too. Sam and Dean catch up and laugh in the front seat, I join in on the conversation but I never speak to Sam directly. He notices and looks back at me through the rearview mirror. I always look away.

Bobby greets me with a bear hug and ruffles my hair. He says I've gotten bigger and I smile and tell him that I missed him. It's true, I just didn't realize how much until I saw him again. He tells us that we have about four hours before we get to where we're going and I'm not sure where that is but Sam and Dean hurry back into the car so I follow.

When we arrive, I meet Pamela Barnes for the first time. She has dark hair and a flirty smile. She flirts with Sam and Dean and they seem to like it but I think it's gross. She notices me staring at her and laughs. She tells me to give her a call in ten years. I know she's just joking but I politely tell her no thank you. She just laughs again. I think she's a fake when she gathers us around for the séance but I don't mention it and I'm glad because I was wrong. Castiel burns her eyes right out of their sockets with a beam of white lights and I'm terrified. Sam scrambles to the next room to call the cops and Bobby holds Pam. I clutch on to Dean like a child and though he tries to move out of my grasp so he can help, I cling on with all of my weight and he hangs back. I realize then that I'm close to tears as I bury my face into his shirt and beg Castiel not to hurt him. Dean rests an arm on my back but I know he wishes I would let go because Pam is screaming in pain and terror. I don't want to check on her, I want to get my family out of here before this creature Castiel decides to disintegrate my brothers. Sam runs back and says that the ambulance is on its way. I yank at Dean's shirt and beg him and Sam to come on. Bobby tells them us to go and that he'll take care of things here. Dean finally starts moving and Sam, Dean and I all run from the house and pile into the Impala. My body is quaking like Jell-O and I wrap my arms tightly around my body. Sam and Dean are talking in the front seat almost frantically but I can't hear a word they're saying. I don't think I've ever prayed once in my life until that moment when I begged God, if there was one up there listening, not to take my brothers from me again. Don't let Castiel find us and hurt them. Take anything from me including my life; just don't take Sam and Dean. Not when I just got them back. Not again.

We pull into a diner and Sam calls Bobby who tells him that Pam will be okay but that she's blind now. Dean feels bad about it and blames us all for her misfortune, but it's not our fault that she didn't listen when whatever that thing is told her to back off. I'm not too put out by what happened because my brothers are okay and that's more than I could ever have hoped for. Dean wants to go after this thing but Sam is like me and wants to be more careful. The waitress who has been serving us looms over our table and sits down and we all watch her awkwardly. Her eyes flick black and the three of us realize that we're surrounded by demons. My first instinct is to run for it but when I see my brothers lock eyes with the waitress and stay sitting, I know that we would never make it to the door. One of the demons walks over to the door and locks it for good measure. She wants to know how Dean got out of hell. She threatens to drag him back and Sam jumps a little in his seat. Right now, I'd like nothing more than to shove Ruby's knife down this bitch's throat and watch her choke on it. For a moment I can picture her coughing around it and splattering specs of blood on my forearm while I did it and then Dean slaps her across the face. I'm almost as stunned as she is. I've never seen my brother strike a woman before unless they were in a heated battle. She straightens up and he slaps her again. I glance over at Sam but he's watching like it's all been done before. I imitate his expression the best I can, after all I was just fantasizing about murdering the demon lady. Then again, somehow killing feels less wrong than slapping her in the face while she just sits there and takes it.

"That's what I thought." Dean says. He takes out his wallet, drops a bill on the table for the food, and we leave. Sam wants to go back there and finish them off. I wonder when Sam became so eager to kill. That night we check into a motel nearby. This time I take the spare bed and Sam gets the couch. Dean and I both doze off within an hour. I wake up just as Sam puts his hand on the doorknob.

"Where are you going?" I ask and bound towards him

"Evan" He says as though I took him by surprise

"Where are you going?" I say again

"Uh, I was just about to head out for a drive and clear my head" He nods and shrugs. I don't believe him

"Can I come?"

His eyes widen "really?"

"Yeah"

Sam's face contorts into an awkward frown like he's debating it. "Yeah, you can come but uh, I think you should probably stay here with Dean just in case he wakes up"

I nod and chew my lip "Yeah Sam. Do your thing"

Sam reaches an arm towards me with his fingers out like he's about to touch my hair but he pulls back and leaves.

Almost immediately after I hear the car pull out of the parking lot the alarm clock next to Dean starts playing static. Dean wakes up and jumps out of bed. He grabs a gun and points it to the sky. The high pitch ringing in the room is deafening. I run to Dean's side and glass starts to shatter from all of the windows. I shield my ears but it doesn't help, the pitch of the ringing is so sharp that it feels like my eardrums are about to rupture. I drop to my knees and Dean falls next to me. So this is it for us. Castiel is coming and he's going to kill us. I'm glad I stayed so that Dean wouldn't be alone in this. At least Sam made it out in one piece. The front door swings open and Bobby charges in and drags me to my feet by my elbows. Dean and I follow him to his car and we speed away.

"Where's Sam?" Dean asks me but he calls him before I have a chance to answer and asks for himself. Dean tells Sam that we're hanging out with Bobby for now but he doesn't mention anything about what just happened in the motel. Dean and Sam have been back in my life for a little more than 24hrs and already the secrets have begun. I lean forward in my seat and ask where we're going for real and he says that we're going to summon this thing once and for all.

"Then what?"

"Then we're going to kill it"

I sit back as Bobby tries to talk him out of it and in the end Dean wins the argument. I stay silent. Tonight I'm going to die and I know that but it's okay because this time it's going to take me too. I'm going to make sure of it.

Bobby paints graffiti all over the walls in the cellar. I can identify a few of them but not most of them. Bobby says that whatever it is is bound to get stuck in one of the traps he set out. Dean lays out the arsenal of weapons from every creature we've ever hunted or heard of from stakes to silver. Bobby glances over at me and then at Dean and says that this is a really bad idea but Dean brushes him off again. Bobby starts the summoning ritual and I poise my gun towards the door. Dean uses one hand to push me behind him and takes my position. When Bobby finishes he stares at the door. Then we wait. And wait. And wait. An hour later Dean asks if Bobby did the ritual right as he spins a knife around on the table. Then the shutters start to shake. Dean leaps up and I run next to him. He pushes me behind him with one hand and the lights begin to shatter in their sockets. The cellar doors swing open and a man in a beige trench coat and suit takes a step inside. He's a man! Or at least he looks like one. Lights continue to break around him and sparks sprinkle the floor like water from a broken faucet. He walks past the devil's trap without flinching and then past everything else that Bobby drew. Dean fires a shot right at the man's heart and the man keeps walking without pause. The gun falls right out of my hands as Bobby and Dean continue firing. Dean grabs Ruby's knife from the table and asks

"Who are you?"

The man says "I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition"

"Yeah? Thanks for that" Dean says and lodges the knife into the man's heart. The man just removes the blade from his chest and drops it to the floor. Bobby swings at him with a pipe from behind and the man blocks it without even looking, turns and touches Bobby's forehead. Bobby falls in a heap.

"Bobby!" I scream, grab my gun from the ground and fire. The man grabs my rifle by the nozzle, yanks it forward, and I tumble towards him. I hear Dean yell "No!" before the man touches my forehead and I collapse into darkness.