Chapter 12: I'm Just Doing My Job

When I wake up again, I'm at Bobby's on the couch in his study with Sam, Dean and Bobby. Dean says that Castiel says he's an angel but that he doesn't believe that's true. Sam is excited. He believes that Castiel is an angel. How else could anyone explain his immunity to all of the traps and weapons that were used against him? Bobby tells Dean that angels have the ability to raise people from hell. Nothing else has that ability as far as he knows. They're talking about God now. They say that God may be real after all and that he's chosen to save Dean. I've always known that Dean was special but I never knew how important he was to the world outside of my family. I have so many questions but I can't articulate a single one of them. I'm so overwhelmed. Bobby drops a stack of books in front of Dean and Sam goes out to get pie. Dean tosses me one of the books off of the top of the heap and I catch it.

"Dean, if angels are real and God is real, does that mean heaven is real too?"

"I don't know kid, this whole thing is a little too freaky for me to grasp." He says as his eyes scan a book

"Because if there's a heaven, that means Dad probably is in heaven, right?"

"Well he broke out of hell" Dean frowned as he considered the idea

"And if Dad's in heaven, my mom is probably there too, right?"

Dean looks up from his book. His eyes are shaded with sympathy for me and it makes me feel uncomfortable. I guess he never thinks about where his mom ended up and feels bad because I'm so curious about my own mother.

"Yeah, probably" He says and I look back down at my book until another question pops into my mind.

"Do you think they've met? Our moms? Like maybe they're with Dad and they're all floating around up there playing in the clouds?"

Dean's brow is furrowed now and I know my questions are getting carried away but I let my mind put them all together in heaven. I wonder if Dad had a lot of explaining to do to his wife when she found out about my mom. I hope they're being nice to her and not making her feel left out. Dean calls Sam and reminds him to get the pie. I think it's because he doesn't want to have to answer any more of my questions so I stop asking. He seems relieved. Bobby gets a phone call about one of his friends and he wants to go check on her because she's in some sort of trouble. When Sam gets back Dean and I pile in and follow Bobby's car. Sam forgot the pie.

Bobby's friend Olivia is already dead when we get there. She's lying in a pool of her own blood and what smells faintly of urine. When I blink I can see Dean being ripped apart by invisible claws and teeth; blood spewing from his chest and into a pool on the floor. Bobby walks out of the room and Sam and Dean try to piece together what happened. It's strange to think about how calm and collected we all are moving around the room with a dead woman lying in her own blood and filth but that doesn't seem to bother anyone. The smell is what bothers me. It's vile but Sam and Dean don't pay any mind to that either so I try to ignore it. Bobby walks back in and tells us that his other hunter friends aren't picking up their phones so we decide to split up and investigate. I'm just can't wait to get a breath of fresh air.

Everywhere we go, we find dead bodies of hunters. Bobby has the same luck too so we decide to haul ass back to his place. When we get there, Sam splits off to check the junkyard and Dean and I go inside. The house is dark and drafty. Bobby doesn't answer when Dean calls out for him.

"Dean Winchester, still so bossy. You don't remember me?" A woman with black eyes says from behind us.

"Meg?" Dean breathes.

"Hi. It's okay, I'm not a-"

I cock my gun and fire a salt round into her chest and she vanishes. Dean grabs me by my arm and runs with me into the study.

"How did you know she was a ghost?" Dean pants

"I didn't" I say, "I thought maybe she could be dangerous. Guess I was right"

Dean's eyes widen at me briefly but not in the way he does when he's impressed.

"You guess you're right?" He says pointedly like I've said something wrong

"What?" I frown

He doesn't answer. He just hurries over to the entrance to the study and starts salting the floor. That's when she shows up again and kicks him. He slides across the floor and skids to a halt. Before I'm able to get a shot at her, she has Dean by his coat lapels.

"You threw me off of a building!" She shrieks at him,

"I'm sorry." He groans

"I had a sister, Dean. I-"

I fired off another round at her and she vanished again. This time I race to the door and salt it while Dean grunts back to his feet and rubs his ribs

"I was right." I snap at him over my shoulder just as Sam and Bobby hurry in

Dean tells them about Meg. He says that she has a scar on her hand and draws it for Bobby, who then takes us down into his basement.

"Solid iron" Bobby says once we get down there and see the gigantic metal structure.

"You built a panic room?" Sam asks, clearly impressed

"I had a weekend off"

We climb inside and Sam and Dean start making more salt rounds.

"Shouldn't we call Ellen?" I ask, "I mean. She could be in danger, right?"

Dean takes his cellphone out of his pocket and tosses it to me. Suddenly I'm so excited that I can hardly breathe. I think of Haydn's soft hand touch mine as we lay beneath the stars while I dial the number.

"Hello?" Ellen answers after the third ring

"Ellen?"

"Hey, kid. How are you? I didn't think I'd hear from you for a long time."

"We called but your phone went to voicemail. How is… you know. How is she?"

"I'm sorry kid, once you left I had to hightail it out of there before the cops came around asking questions. They wouldn't understand that you ran off with your brother who just came back from the dead"

My heart sank to the bottom of my stomach and burned in the acids. Ellen was his only shot at communication with Haydn.

"So. So, you have no idea if she's okay?"

"I got a call from her uncle after he picked her up from the police station and he was screaming for your blood but she's alright. She's a tough kid, Evan. She knows all about the life first hand and she understands"

"Hey, prom queen" Dean calls at me, "you think you could get off the phone?"

"I have to go, Ellen. If you hear anything…"

"I'll let you know"

"Okay. Thanks"

"Take care, hon"

"You too" I say and hang up

Bobby says that the mark on Meg's hand was a sign that the apocalypse is starting. I don't know how I feel about that because I can hardly grasp what that means. My world has ended over and over again my entire life so I guess I'm not so afraid but I still can't fathom everything actually ending for good. Bobby says he can stop all of this but we have to go back to the study and use the fireplace.

"Maybe the angels can help us!" I say enthusiastically now that we have supernatural allies.

"They've never helped us before" Dean says

Bobby tells us to cover each other if we want to keep our skins just in case the angels decide not to show and we all leave the panic room. Ghosts confront us seconds after we head up the steps. I don't recognize the ones who go after Sam and Dean but a boy that I recognize appears before me. It's the boy who died from the werewolf attack from my first hunting trip with Dad. I shot the creature in it's arm because I wasn't a great shot back then but Dean quickly shot it through the heart right after. The boy died in front of me with one final exhale; now he's standing in front of me with his teeth bared accusing me of killing him. Bobby, Sam, and Dean look regretful as they ward off the ghosts, they even look apologetic for being unable to save them from the supernatural horrors that caused their deaths, but as I look at this dead boy I feel no remorse. I did what I could to save him but he died anyway. Why should I feel sorry for that?

"I needed hel-" I shoot him in the face before he finishes and run to Sam because I can hear Meg talking to him. Why do they let them talk to them?

"-But what you're doing with that demon, Ruby…" I hear her say and skid to a stop before rounding the corner. What?

"How many innocent bodies has Ruby burned through for kicks?"

Sam is still seeing Ruby? I thought she was dead! He isn't denying it. Why hasn't he told anyone? Why is he keeping secrets?

"You're a monster!" Meg screams and then a shot rings out. Sam runs out into the hallway and sees me.

"Evan" He gasps, "What are you doing here? You should be in the salt circle with Bobby"

I narrow my eyes at him and run back to the study. For a few moments at the end of Bobby's spell, we're trapped by angry spirits. All I hear are shots being fired over and over and the high-pitched ringing in my ears from the noise. Meg pushes Sam against the wall and traps him with a desk. I'm out of bullets so I grab the iron fire poker and swing it at her. She disappears and Sam pushes himself from behind the desk. All the ghosts vanish once the ritual is complete. Sam gives me an appreciative nod but I can't even look at him. He's a liar and he knows that I know it. He approaches me later that night in the kitchen when everyone else is sleeping.

"What did you hear?" He asks solemnly

"Enough"

"Are you going to tell Dean?"

"Are you?"

"Yeah. Just. When the time is right"

I run a hand through my hair and snort, "You know up until now I just thought you were a liar, but now I can see that you're a coward too"

The pain of my words resonates deeply on his tired face "I'm doing this for a reason, Evan. I'm doing this because I have to" He's not looking at me. He's looking out into the distance and despite my anger, something in his tone worries me.

"What are you doing, Sam?"

He doesn't answer.

"Sam" I squeak in exasperation, "I'm not a little kid anymore. When are you going to trust me?" I'm vaguely aware of how young I sound as I whine at him

"I do trust you, Evan" Sam says to me sincerely, "with my life"

"But not your secrets" I say and walk out of the kitchen.

A week later I wake up in the dead of night because I hear a fluttering sound in my ear and then I realize that I'm alone in the motel room. Dean's bed is empty, Sam's bed is empty, and the Impala is still in the parking lot. Panic prickles through my veins like ice and it physically hurts. Sam and Dean's phones are both off so I call Bobby and tell him what happened.

"I'm sure they're fine Evan, maybe they just went out for a beer together or something"

"And forgot to take the car?" I'm almost screaming

"Calm down son, I'll give them a call and see what's up"

"Bobby, their phones are off!"

I hear a flutter behind me and spin around. The angel Castiel is standing behind me.

"I got to go" I say quickly and hang up the phone. I had been excited to see an angel again up until this point when I'm terrified and vulnerable and painfully unarmed.

"W-w-where are my brothers?" I ask in almost a whisper

"Dean is in Lawrence"

"Kansas?"

"Yes"

"How? Why? Why didn't he call me?"

"He's out of cellphone range. He's requested that I let you know where he is"

"Lawrence? He can't call from Lawrence?"

"Lawrence, Kansas April 30th, 1973"

"Dean is the year 1973?" Even I can't believe the words coming out of my mouth and I can believe an awful lot "Can you bring him back, please? Uhm, Amen?"

"Not yet." He vanishes

"Wait! Where's Sam?" I yell into the darkness but he doesn't come back.

In every movie about time travel that I've ever seen, time stood still until the time traveler came back but as I watched the clock on the wall tick the hours away, I realized that the movies were wrong. Dean came back at 3am in a flutter but he was sleeping as though he never left. Castiel appeared shortly after at his side and Dean sprung awake.

"Dean!" I yell and take a few steps forward. He just looks at me and looks down at the ground. When he speaks he talks directly to Castiel. He says that she still made the deal. I don't know who she is but I'll ask later. Castiel tells him that he couldn't have stopped it and suddenly I feel very small. They talk as though I'm not in the room about things I don't know about without bothering to explain it to me. I slink back over to the wall and watch.

"Where's Sam?" Dean asks and I'm not sure whether he's talking to me or the angel, but Castiel answers before I can say that I don't know. He says something about yellow eyes and his plans for Sam. I feel nervous, yellow eyes is dead so why does it matter what he wanted with Sam? He lost and we won. End of story.

"Where's Sam?" Dean repeats but I don't try to answer this time.

"425 Waterman" Castiel says and Dean gestures his head towards the door so I grab my duffel. Castiel says that Sam is headed down a dangerous road and that if Dean can't stop it then they will. I wonder how hard it is to kill an angel.

I grill Dean in the car even though I can tell he isn't in the mood to talk. I deserve answers.

"Dean who were you talking about? Who couldn't you save?"

Dean gripped the wheel of the Impala so hard his knuckles turn white in the fluorescent glow of passing streetlights.

"My mom" He says gruffly

"You went back in time to see your mom?" I gasp, "really? Was Dad there? What did he say? Did he recognize you? What was he like?"

"No, he didn't recognize me. He was different. Not a hunter. He got into after Mom died"

"Your mom was a hunter too? Why did Castiel send you back? Do you think he would send me back?" As I ask the question my heart thumps wildly against my chest. Could he send me back to meet my mom? What was she like? I can't remember what she looks like but I know she was pretty. Maybe I could go back to the part where Mom and Dad fell in love.

"I don't know." He says but I can tell by his tone that he's both doubtful and distracted. I don't let it discourage me. If Castiel sent Dean back then he could send me back too. I look out of the window and daydream about her surprise and pride when she sees how big I am. I'm so excited that I forgot how much trouble Sam is in. It isn't until Dean and I sneak out of the car and over to a window that I remember. That's when I see Sam with his hand out in front of a man tied up in a chair. The man has smoke pouring out of his mouth. Demon smoke. Am I seeing what I think I'm seeing?

"Dean" I whisper in shock

"Come" He says and I follow him around to the front entrance. Sam opens the door before we can. He has the man from the chair with him. Dean is seething. Sam says that he can explain and Dean cuts him off to ask who the girl is. I'm wondering the same thing until she speaks and says, "It's good to see you again, Dean". I recognize her voice instantly because ever since the last time I've heard it, it played over and over relentlessly in my mind for the second half of my summer at Ellen's. That was the woman who answered Sam's phone.

"Ruby?" Dean asks

"Ruby!" I scream at Sam. "That's who you ditched me for? Ruby?"

"Just. Wait." Sam says to either me or Dean. Or maybe the both of us, but it's too late and Dean lunges at Ruby and shoves her against the wall. He grabs Ruby's knife from his holster and tries to stab her but Sam grabs his hand away.

"Don't!" Sam pries the knife from Dean's grasp and Dean slams Sam against the wall. Ruby throws Dean away from Sam and slams him against the wall with her forearm to his throat. I start reciting the exorcism and her head swings in my direction. Her eyes are black. Dean shoves her off of him and then Sam wedges himself in between them.

"Wait! Just stop!" Sam orders Ruby to take the injured man to the hospital and she obeys. Dean glares at Sam for a little and then starts towards the door. I follow close behind. Sam calls out for us and I stop to look back at him but Dean grabs me by the arm and yanks me forward.

"How is he going to get back?" I ask as I stumble forward towards the car

Dean's jaw clenches tightly and he jerks the car door open and drops inside. I hurry in after him and shut the door behind me. We don't drive back to the motel. Dean drives us around town for an hour before finally pulling up to the edge of a lake. Dean's out of the car as soon as it stops and in a moment, he's sitting at the edge of the car's hood; I join him.

"Are you okay?"

Dean shakes his head and stares out at the water. We both stare at the water for fifteen minutes but I'm still trying to process what I just saw.

"Ruby" Dean says, "freaking Ruby all this time and he didn't tell us. And what was that back there? He exorcised a demon? With his mind?"

"That part was pretty cool" I shrug

"Cool?" He says and rounds on me so fast that I instantly regret my input

"You think that Sam exorcising demons with his mind is cool?"

"Well, I mean, it's kind of cool. Right?"

"Evan, an angel came down from heaven to tell me to stop him. He's using powers that he got from the demon who killed both of our parents. You think that's cool?"

"Well, not when you say it like that… but…" I trail off

"I'm done" He says shaking his head again, "I'm getting off this crazy train. Sam wants to work with Ruby? That's fine but I'm out"

"Out? What do you mean you're out?"

"I mean that I'm done. He's been lying to me and sneaking around since the moment I got back. Well, now he won't have to"

"Dean, you can't quit" I frown, "what about what Castiel said? He said that he'd stop Sam unless we do"

Dean stares out at the lake and shakes his head again.

"But we just got back together. I don't think you realize how much we needed you when you were gone. We still need you"

Dean's still shaking his head but I know he's not really going to leave. He's just angry.

"We are not working with demons" He says after a while, "come on"

Dean slides off of the car's hood and opens the driver's side door.

"What are you going to do?"

"We're getting our stuff and we're leaving. Let Sam work with his little girlfriend on his own. He doesn't need us"

We drive to the motel in silence. Sam is waiting for us when we get back but Dean doesn't say a word. We both start packing our things.

"Where are you going?" Sam says

Dean doesn't answer and neither do I. I've been waiting to walk out on Sam since we reunited just to show him how it feels.

"Are you guys just, leaving?"

"You don't need us" Dean finally says, "You and Ruby go fight demons"

It's over right as he opens his mouth to answer. I put my bag back down because I know we aren't going anywhere now that Sam got Dean to talk to him. I sit back down on the bed and watch Dean put on his show. He pushes past Sam and starts towards the door. He doesn't tell me to come because he also knows that he's not really leaving. Sam tells Dean to hold on and Dean turns around and punches him right in the face. I wince at the sound of his knuckles crashing into Sam's cheek. That's got to hurt. Sam turns back slowly and regroups.

"You satisfied?" He asks. Ballsy. Dean punches him again and then throws his bag on the ground. Sam's lip is bleeding now. He touches the blood with his fingertips.

"I guess not." He says. I can't help but grin at his persistent sassiness (as Ellen would call it). If Dean cracked me in the face like that I'd probably be sniveling like a little baby but Sam just absorbs it like a sponge. I guess he's used to it by now. Sam and Dean don't hesitate to lay each other out when things get really heated between them. I feel a pang of jealousy in the pit of my stomach when I think about it. My brothers have never laid a hand on me when they were angry besides an occasional slap in the back of the head or some manhandling. I know they would pulverize me if they ever got physical but it's just the way things are done between them. Now I feel left out. Maybe they're just waiting for me to get bigger so I can brush off hits as easily as they do. I can't wait until I am. Sam looks like he's about to cry and now I know I missed something because they're just kind of staring at each other.

"So should I unpack now?" I ask, breaking the intense silence just as Sam's cellphone starts to ring. After he hangs up, we're off to Carthage, Missouri.

For the record, I was against killing Jack Montgomery from the beginning. I didn't trust Travis as far as I could throw him but then again, unlike with Sam and Dean, he was a stranger to me. He beamed at my brothers and told them how grown up they were and how proud Dad would've been of them for sticking together, and then he looked down at me intense confusion.

"You guys doing a ride-along or something?" He cackles

"Travis, this is our kid brother Evan" Dean grins and hooks an arm around my shoulders.

"Hi" I say feeling embarrassed by Dean's display of affection.

"Brother? I thought it was just the two of you"

"Well" Dean laughs, "you know my Dad."

"Boy, your Daddy and his secrets" Travis clucks, "the old rascal. Anyway, thanks for helping out an old man. I'm a little short-handed"

He's laughing again. His arm is in a cast so I'm guessing that he's trying to be funny. Then he starts telling us that Jack Montgomery is something called a rougarou and he's going to turn into a monster soon and start eating people. But he's human now and he'll stay that way if he doesn't kill anyone. Sam doesn't want to kill him unless he changes into a monster and I agree. Not because I feel sorry for Jack or want to save him because as far as I know, he may very well start killing innocent people, but because Travis wants this guy dead so badly that I'm starting to think that he would enjoy killing a guy who hasn't done anything wrong and that's not okay with me. Plus there's something about Travis that I don't trust. Sam confronts Jack one day and tells him everything that's going on with him and about his possible transformation which of course just freaks the guy out, but when we trail him around, he looks like he genuinely has a handle on his crazy urges. I just wish that one of us could have trailed Travis too because the moment we leave him alone he breaks into Jack's house and strings his wife up to a chair and douses her in gasoline. At least that's what I gather when we arrive at the house because Travis is dead and half-eaten and the smell of gasoline is thick and toxic.

"Oh God, do you think that's Travis?" Dean asks and wrinkles his nose

"I'm going to go get my torch" I whisper and run back out to the Impala to grab a weapon just in case Jack is still inside. Suddenly there's a crash from inside the house so I dash back in as fast as I can just in time to see Jack hauling Sam into a closet and Dean laying unconscious on a coffee table. Travis wasn't lying; Jack really did look monstrous. His face and body were contorted and misshapen. I can smell the rotting flesh in between his molars. He's blubbering pretty hard so it's hard to make out what he's saying but I think he's calling out for his wife Michelle. I spark my torch as gently as I can and a flame licks at the nozzle a few times and dies. Crap. Just perfect. I set the torch down on the floor and scope the room for something else I can use to kill this thing.

"Dean?" Sam croaks from inside the closet

"Dean can't come to the phone right now" Jack cries. I'll let Sam distract him for as long as possible while I search for a weapon. While Sam is yanking and pounding on the closet door I move as stealthily as I can into the kitchen. That's when I find my answer, the liquor cabinet. As I stuff the washrags from the rack by the fridge into the mouths of the booze bottles I just found, I imagine how much Sam and Dean are going to freak out when I get them out of here. I practically dance back into the living room with Jack and Dean before I sit behind his couch out of his view.

"He tried to burn my wife alive" Jack sniffles. I knew it. Travis, you bastard, you definitely got what you deserved. I light the end of the rag that's protruding from one of the bottles and pitch it hard at Jack. Glass shatters and he bursts into flames immediately. If this was baseball, that may have been a no-hitter! I cheer for myself internally and light two more before pitching them into the ball of fire that was once Jack Montgomery.

He's screaming and running around like a headless chicken. Dean wakes up from the table with a yelp just as Sam bursts through the closet door.

"Who's the man?" I shout with my fingers pointed at me. Sam and Dean look at me wide-eyed and then back at Jack who almost literally melts down to the ground.

"You are both welcome" I smirk and clap my hands on my brothers' backs. Sam and Dean look at each other with the same petrified eyes. This was not the reaction I had expected. It's disappointing.

"Dean?" Sam says

"Yeah" Dean says back and next thing I know I'm being spun around and pushed quickly out of the door and into the car.

"Why are you guys acting so weird?" I ask as Dean floors it, "I just saved your asses back there!"

"Did you just deep-fry that guy with Molotov's?"

"My torch was dead. What was I supposed to do?"

"No, that was awesome. Thank you but-"

"But what? Dean, come on!"

"But you were dancing, Evan" Sam says, "don't get me wrong; Evan I'm happy you saved us, hell, we both are… but you were basically cheering while the guy burned to death two feet in front of you"

"I'm sorry that I'm happy my brothers weren't eaten alive by a hideous monster?" I squint. What is their deal? I fold my arms across my chest and glare out of the window and the car gets quiet. I can see Sam and Dean exchange a worried look in the corner of my eye. I don't care what they think because I know I did the right thing. Dad would be proud of me. I'm proud of me.