Chapter 17: I Am A Survivor

When Dad's cellphone starts to ring, for a split second I think that he's calling. It's stupid to think that of course, but I have a feeling that it's family calling. Somehow, I just feel it. Of course, I still don't believe it when Dean tells Sam and me that the kid who called said he was his son.

Dean is so pissed off that he speeds the whole way to Minnesota, in retrospect, it's surprising that we aren't pulled over. Sam isn't angry; he does research on this mystery guy. Adam Milligan was born in September 1990, which means if he was really my brother, he was another older one. And he was a bastard. Just like me. Somehow that isn't comforting even though, maybe, it should be. It meant I wasn't the outcast brother anymore, that there was another boy like me who wasn't part of the Mary and John Winchester blood pack. It makes me furious in a way that I can't describe.

Dean wants to cap him because he thinks Adam is some sort of demon or shifter. Sam as always, is the voice of reason as he rattles off the details he could find on Adam.

"Born September 29, 1990 to Kate Milligan. No father listed on the birth certificate. He's an Eagle Scout, graduated with honors, and currently goes to the University of Wisconsin, biology major, pre-med. Dean, you listening?"

"This is a trap" Dean says as he arms himself with weapons from the trunk. Sam sighs and looks over at me for moral support but I don't give him any. I just turn and follow Dean into the diner where we're meeting this guy. As Dean prepares his trap for Adam, both Sam and I are on the same page on one thing. We're both confused as to why Dean is having such a hard time believing this guy is family. Dean grabs a seat from another table and drags it next to two other seats on one side of the table. I'm glad because that means we all get to sit together on the side of the table.

"Dad would be gone for weeks at a time, and he wasn't exactly a monk" Sam says and throws a look right at me.

"A hunter rolls into town, kills a monster, saves the girl… sometimes the girl's grateful"

"Is she, Sam?" I hiss at him, "Is the damsel in distress grateful?"

"Look" He winces, "Evan, I didn't mean it like that"

"Didn't mean it like how? Like my mother was just a girl giving Dad a little thank you gift?"

"Evan, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I just mean that hunting isn't the worst way to meet girls"

"Okay, now I'm thinking of Dad sex" Dean says with a look of disgust painted on his face, "Stop talking"

We all know him immediately as he walks in and the bell on the diner door chimes. He's taller than I am, maybe as tall as Dean is. For some reason that upsets me too. I didn't expect him to be shorter than me but I wish he were. His hair is brown and straight, like Sam and Dean's. I resist the urge to run my fingers through my black curls as Sam calls him to attention.

"Adam?" Sam says and Adam turns to us

"I'm Sam, these are my brothers Dean and Evan"

Adam takes a seat at our table. His eyes are blue, like mine but he's paler than my brothers and me. His face and nose are long and narrow. He doesn't look a thing like Dad or my brothers and I smile inwardly. Good.

"How'd you know my dad?" He asks softly

"We worked together." Sam says, "Dean and I worked with him" he adds when Adam flicks his eyes over at me.

"Oh" He sighs, "how did he die?"

I can feel my nails digging into my palms but I can't unclench my fists.

"On the job"

"He was a mechanic right?"

"A car fell on him" Dean says sharply

The snobby waitress who had thrown menus at us when we sat down comes out with a glass of water for Adam but Dean takes it because he wants him to drink the

Holy water he set out for him. He takes a sip and nothing happens. Dean looks put out. Sam makes small talk so it isn't awkward.

"When was the last time you saw John?"

"I don't even know… A couple years"

Dean takes the gun from his holster and points it at him underneath the table. I know Adam isn't a creature but I'm praying for him to give Dean a reason.

"Why'd you decide to call him now?" Sam asks

"I didn't know who else to call. He's the only family I got"

I roll my eyes but suddenly I feel a wave a panic wash through me. I don't want that to change. I don't want Adam to be a part of this family. It's mine and he can't have it.

"What about your mom?" I ask louder than I should

He looks at me like he's surprised that I'm involving myself in the conversation but I hold my gaze on him and he answers.

"She's uh… She's gone missing"

"Really? I'm sorry. For how long?" Sam asks but Dean cuts him off short

"It's tragic. Really. But if you're John's kid, how come we've never heard of you?"

He goes on about how he only really started getting to know Dad a few years ago. His mother is a nurse and met Dad in the ER after a hunting accident. It got me thinking about how my mom met Dad. Was she a nurse? Maybe she was a doctor or a surgeon. Or maybe he was just finished with a hunt and he saw her walking home from a library or something because my mom probably loved to read, and then it was just love when he saw her. Maybe she had her hands full of books and the wind was blowing hard and they started to fall over so Dad ran across the street and grabbed them before they could fall. And then he smiled at her and she laughed and said thank you, and he offered to hold them for her and she let him because he was the most handsome man she had ever seen. Then they probably walked back to her house and talked about her books and his music and at the door, he asked her if she wanted to grab lunch-

"Oh, this is crap" Dean snarls at Adam, "you know what? You're lying"

"No, I'm not" Adam says in shock

"Uh… Yeah, you are"

"I'm sorry, but who the hell are you to call me a liar?"

"We're John Winchester's sons, that's who" Dean says and gestures to the three of us sitting on our side of the table. "We are his sons"

Adam stares at us for a beat and breathes, "I've got brothers?"

"No, you don't have brothers" Dean snaps, "Look man, I don't know if you're a hunter or what kind of game you're playing here"

"I've never been hunting in my life"

I scoffed before I could help it and Dean gives me an annoyed look.

"Whatever" He says and stands from his seat. He gives me a shove and I stand too.

"We're out of here. Come on Sam"

"I can prove it" Adam says right as Dean starts for the door.

I can't contain myself any longer as we follow Adam back to his place in the Impala.

"So what if he does have proof? It doesn't change anything, guys. He's nothing to us anyway! We just meet him and suddenly that's supposed to count for something?"

"Evan, he's our brother" Sam squints back at me

"You don't know that" Dean grumbles but Sam ignores him

"It doesn't matter if we're just meeting him now or if we met him years ago. He's still family"

"You don't know that for sure, Sam" Dean pipes up louder this time

"Well, if he is our brother, he's the only other family we have"

"Until this morning, we were the only family we needed" I say bitterly and sit back in my seat.

We pull up at a house in a pretty decent suburban area and park and follow Adam inside. Almost immediately Dean picks up a picture from a table and stares at it. Sam and I look over his shoulder and see Dad standing next to Adam at a baseball stadium. It's like an anchor dropped in the pit of my stomach. Dad took Adam to a baseball game. A baseball game of all games he could have taken him to, he took him to baseball. The one passion I have ever known in my life, the only thing I had ever been good at or better at than anyone else I know, is what my father decided to share with this stranger and not me.

"He took you to a baseball game?" Dean asked stunned

"Yeah" Adam said fondly, "When I turned fourteen. Dad was around for a few of my birthdays"

Sam and Dean both look over at me. Earlier this year, I spent my fourteenth birthday coming to terms with my big brother's inevitable death. Sam takes out Dad's journal and reads "September 29th, 2004. One word, Minnesota"

"He took you to a freaking baseball game?" Dean repeats

"Yeah" Adam says casually, "Why? What'd Dad do with you on your birthday?"

"My Dad died when I was twelve" I glare

"I'm sorry." He says recoiling a bit

"Aw" Dean says sarcastically and frowns

I want to go but that's not an option now since Sam already begun to grill him about his mother's disappearance. There are pictures in frames of Dad hugging this blonde woman in his arms. She's blonde like Sam and Dean's mom. It must be Adam's mother. If I didn't know better, I'd think they were in love. He's a liar and I hate him.

I feel like beating the crap out of this guy. He's taller than me but I know I can take him without trouble because when Dad wasn't taking him to baseball games, he was teaching me hand-to-hand combat. I couldn't care less about Adam's mother. As far as I'm concerned, she's as good as dead anyway but Sam and Dean are already on the case. At least Dean doesn't want to be here either. That makes me feel better.

After investigating the house and coming up with some pretty solid evidence that Kate Milligan is a doornail; Sam, Dean, and I head to a motel and wait while Adam tells the police about the human remains Dean found in the air duct.

"How're you holding up?" Dean asks as he cleans one of his shotguns

"What? Who, me?"

"No, the gun. Yeah you. How are you?"

"I'm good. I'm fine"

"You don't seem fine"

"But I am"

"You're not bothered by any of this at all"

"Not a bit"

"You're absolutely cool"

"As a cucumber" I say with a nod

"Evan, it's okay to feel overwhelmed. I know I am" Sam says, "To go all these years and just find out today that we have another brother, and that Dad spent actual bonding time with him-"

There's a knock at the door and I feel a brief moment of relief from my brothers' scrutiny before I see who it is at the door. Adam is freaking out at us because he knows that Sam and Dean aren't mechanics. Sam tells him the truth and immediately Adam wants in on the action without question. It's a suspicious reaction even with his casual explanation that he trusts us because we're his brothers, but I don't really start to feel like something is wrong until he says

"This thing killed my mom"

I feel smoldering in the pit of my stomach the moment he says that statement with so much certainty. People who just lose close family members, who are just informed that their loved ones are dead, are not likely to be able to admit it twenty-seconds after and plot revenge. Something is off. It's too easy, but Sam and Dean are squabbling over something else.

"He didn't want Adam to have our lives, okay? And we're going to respect his wishes" Dean says firmly

"Wait, but isn't he like, thirteen?" Adam says pointing at me

"Fourteen" I correct icily

"And?" Dean asks

"And I'm nineteen. If he can do it, no offense, but I can probably learn. Don't I get a say in this?"

"No!" Dean shouts and heads for the door, "You babysit" he says over his shoulder at Sam

"Where are you going? Don't leave me with him!" I protest

"Behave yourself while I'm gone" He says and shoots me a stern look. He doesn't have to say anything for me to know that he means no fighting. He grabs his jacket and leaves.

"Is he always like that?" Adam grumbles

"Welcome to the family" Sam sighs and hands him a gun without a clip, "here"

"Sam" I say gaping at him, "Dean said-"

"I know what Dean said" Sam says more to Adam than to me, "and I know what it's like to want revenge"

"So, how long have you been a hunter?" Adam asks me a few minutes after Sam teaches him how to assemble and disassemble a gun.

"Always"

"Do you go to school?"

I don't answer. I look over at Sam and roll my eyes and he gives me a half frown.

"I'm sorry" He says, "I'm not trying to pry. I'm just curious. It's not every day you find out that you have long lost brothers"

"It's not every day you find out that your mom is dead either, but that doesn't stop you from acting like it is"

"Evan" Sam hisses

"No, it's okay" Adam says, "I guess, a part of me is keeping hope alive that she's still alive"

"So you don't want revenge?"

"Whatever took her, hurt her. I want revenge"

"For a guy who just lost both of their parents in one day, I'm just saying that you're taking it well. Who knows, maybe you are cut out for this job"

"I guess it's just in my blood" He smiles lightly

I smile back sarcastically but catch a glimpse of Sam glowering at me so I stop.

"You know what would be great? If after all of this, we find out what happened to my mom. Not like a priority or anything, just something to think about since she was killed years ago and we never bothered to look into it."

Sam sighs solemnly "Evan-"

"Forget it. It's not important."

"It is. And we will get to the bottom of it. You know how things have been for us lately, but that doesn't make your mom less important"

I know I'm projecting on Sam but I let myself pout anyway.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get in the middle of anything." Adam says cautiously

"You're not. We've all had losses" Sam says, "and we're going to get to the bottom of it."

"Sam, can I ask… what happened to Dad? How he really died?"

"Demon"

"And you hunted it down? Got revenge?"

"Dean killed it"

"So, it's over for you."

"It's never over." Sam says darkly just before the lights go out.

"What the-"

"Shh" Sam hushes at Adam as he loads his shotgun. I grab a gun off of the bed too.

Sam checks the door and but there's a rustling sound in the vent in the ceiling.

"Sam, I think it's-"

"It's in the air vents" Sam finishes and yanks open the door, "Go!"

Adam runs out first and Sam pushes me out next and we hurry down the steps.

"Where's your car?" He barks at Adam

"Over there"

Sam gets the keys and we run to the car.

"But Sam, what about the-"

"Get in the-" Sam goes down hard and is dragged by his feet halfway underneath Adam's car.

"Sam!" I scream and drop my gun. I try to pull Sam away but he's so heavy, even when Adam rushes over and tries to help, Sam doesn't budge.

"No, Sam! Please!" I yell and then I hear a car screech to a stop behind us.

"Dean! Help!" Adam calls out and in a second Dean is next to us pulling at Sam. He's so strong that he pulls Sam from under the car in a few seconds and shoots under the carriage at whatever it was grabbing Sam but it's already gone.

"I'm okay, Evan" Sam says to me and I realize that my hands are still wrapped around his arm like a vice. I let go and he pats my back. Adam is panting on the floor like a dog.

"You good?" Dean asks him and reaches a hand down to help him up. I help myself up before he can do the same for me because I'm not weak and out of breath like Adam.

There's blood under the car but not a lot.

"You hurt it." I say

"Yeah. Did you see it?"

"I didn't get a good look." Sam says

"What the hell is this thing?"

"Should we go after it?" Adam asks

"No. In that maze?" Dean says pointing at the manhole it escaped into "It's long gone"

Dean tells us that there's a pattern of deaths in town recently. Everyone that Dad knew in town is dead. The cop who helped him, Adam's mother, and now it's after Adam.

"It wants revenge." Adam says

That word is starting to annoy me; it's like his favorite word. Sam and Adam drive back to Adam's house in his car and I ride along in the Impala with Dean.

"You hungry?" He asks me

"Nope"

"Who would be with that chip on your shoulder." He grumbles

"That was cheesy even for you, Dean"

"Are you going to tell me what's been eating you or what?"

"Is it that hard to guess?"

"No." He admits, "but it might help to… you know, get it off your chest. Emote" He says. He's speaking with a lot of hand gestures like he always does when he's uncomfortable.

"No chick flick moments, Dean" I grin, "remember?"

He looks over at me but he doesn't smile back.

"I just don't want to be here anymore. I don't get why we're helping this guy so much anyway"

"He needs help, it's our job. Plus, he's family"

I sigh heavily and cross my arms.

"Like it or not, he's family." He says more pointedly this time, "And we don't turn our back on family"

"Why couldn't Dad care about us the way he cared about him? What makes him so special?"

"You got me there, kid. But whatever Dad's reasons were, it's not Adam's fault."

"I don't trust him"

"He checks out. He's our brother, end of story"

"I don't like him"

Dean pulled up next to the house, shut off the engine, and turned to me.

"Give him a break, the kid lost both of his parents in less than 24 hours."

"He doesn't act like it"

"He's angry. Just like you." He says and gets out. I follow.

I still don't like him but I tell myself to suck it up because I have to. Dean and Sam argue again over what to do with Adam. Dean wants to take him to Bobby's house so he can be safe while we finish up here but Sam wants to use Adam as bait to lure this thing out and kill it. Then he wants to take him with us on the road and make him one of us.

"He could die, Sam"

"We could all die, Dean."

I'm starting to see that I was wrong before. All this time I was thinking that Dean was on the same page as I was, angry and admittedly jealous while Sam accepted and even embraced Adam, but I was wrong. Dean was just bitter. Sam was the angry one. He was just better at hiding it. Even from himself. Adam is on board with Sam's plan so we're going with that one.

The next day, Sam teaches Adam how to hunt. Dean hangs back by the Impala and I wait with him even though I'm curious to know whether or not Adam can shoot better than I can.

"This is a bad idea" Dean mumbles

"Is he coming with us after this?"

"He's in college. I don't know."

"Sam was in college too"

"All I know is that this is wrong. This isn't what Dad wanted"

"What did he want?"

Dean shrugs

"If Dad always got what he wanted, your mom would probably still be alive and Adam and I wouldn't even exist. You and Sam would be in Kansas, married and taking your kids on road trips… to Hawaii… or something" I smirk

He looks over at me and blinks hard "Road trips to Hawaii? We gotta get you back to school"

I laugh and so does he. For the first time in the past couple of days, I feel good.

The feeling doesn't last long though because once we're back at Adam's place, Sam tells Adam that he has to give up his life and become a hunter now. No family, no connections with anyone, nothing. It's for their protection. The only thing he has left is family. It sounds like something Dad had said to Sam before the Stanford incident. Dean pulls Sam into the hallway to talk. I was right about Sam this time; he's definitely angry and jealous.

"Do they always fight like that?" Adam asks me with a grin. I don't answer.

"Okay…" He says awkwardly, "it may sound weird but, I know how you feel. Everything is normal and predictable one minute, and the next you have a new brother. Or three in my case…"

I roll my eyes. Predictable and normal? I've never experienced anything close to that my whole life, but I won't let him bait me. At least that's what I thought at the time. Actually I just fall right into his trap. I couldn't wait to get out of the house, so I leave with Dean to try and put an end to the nonsense once and for all. We left Sam alone with a ghoul. Adam was dead the entire time. We bonded with a ghoul for days and it played us like fools. All of us.

Dean takes out the ghoul pretending to be Kate in one shot to the head and the Adam ghoul attacks him. I want to help but Sam is bleeding out so I help him out of his bondages and put a dishtowel on his biggest gash as Dean bashes Adam's face in.

"Sam, are you okay?"

"Yeah" He winces, "thank you"

"That's what family's for" I smile at him. Dean stiches him up when we get back the motel, then we go back to the cemetery and burn Adam's real body. As I watch my older brother's corpse burn to ash, I can't help but notice that all of my brothers have died at least once, except for me. My whole family has died at one point or another. I am fourteen years old, and I am invincible.