How much are we supposed to love and when is love too much?

There's a fine line between loving someone and loving that person more than yourself. You need to know what your identity is. You need to have your hobbies, passions, dreams. You can't just put your happiness inside somebody's hands and expect them to fight for your happiness. That is your job. You need to be able to offer yourself the love you might expect from someone else: take care of your health, passions, hobbies, dreams you have. Your life is a plant. If you constantly wet someone else's plant and neglect yours, you'll eventually feel depleted.

Josh was walking hand in hand with Johanna and smiling. Johanna was in a good mood too. After all, it is a huge deal when you finally get to hug and spend time with a person you so dearly wanted to see face to face but never thought it was eventually going to happen. Her dream finally became a reality.

A loud barking woke her up from the dream. "Whoa," Josh startled as a dog muzzle appeared suddenly between the bars of a fence and defended his territory. "Hug me. I'm afraid of dogs!" he explained with a shaking voice. Johanna made sure they got far enough from the dog and the fence and hugged him tightly.

'Do you feel better?' she asked him when they were far away from the dog and its loud, aggressive barking. "Yeah, yeah, now I'm a little better," he reassured her as he was trembling less and less. They walked silently through the city. They crossed a street and something invisible, yet powerful hit her subconscious and she casually asked: "So what's the story with you and dogs?" "Uh, uh, the story? What do you mean?" "Well, you said you're scared of dogs. How come?'

Josh sighed and wiped away a few sweat drops from his forehead. "I was a little child and my mom took me out for a walk in the park. It was sunny. I initially wanted to take out my new skates, but then changed my mind and took the bike. My mom was sitting on a bench and perusing a newspaper and looked at me from time to my time. I was happily riding my bike when a dog for some mysterious reason I don't understand to this day suddenly chased me in the park. I kept pedaling and pedaling until I couldn't anymore. I jumped off the bike and tossed it to the ground and I kept running and running, but the dog was relentless. At some point, I tripped and he bit me. The end. How about you? What are you most afraid of?" Johanna pressed her lips, a small tear ran down her cheek and she quickly and discreetly wiped it away when he was looking in another direction. "Things I cannot control." "Like for example?" Josh insisted.

Suddenly a memory appeared inside of Johanna's mind. An eye doctor kept mumbling words, as she absent-mindedly stared at a wall as if her brain refused to process the utter mumbo jumbo that man was constantly spitting out. Her father was right next to her. "Her vision is stable, right now, poor as it is, but you never know. Some people who have a genetic mutation and inherited retinal diseases can suddenly lose all or most of their eyesight. But we don't know that for sure. We hope for the best, but prepare for the worst." The vision ended in Johanna's scream.

Another memory resurfaced. Johanna trying to read the letter chart at an ophthalmology cabinet. The doctor projected it onto a wall. Johanna tried to read, but the light irritated her eyes. Tried as she might the light just made it even harder to read the letters. "Sorry, but the light is too strong. I can't see or read much," Johanna tried to excuse herself as if it was her fault she could not see. Finally, Johanna managed to read the first line, but the entire process felt like torture. "Ok, how about the second line?" "I can't. Sorry," she mumbled ashamed. "Take her home. She is blind and useless." the doctor yelled, as she angrily closed the projector and tossed a pen on the table.

"But.. but.. are you sure you can't help her..? She can't be blind…There's got to be a cure..." her grandmother mumbled in utter disbelief. "I am afraid there's no treatment. Just take her home and get used to the idea." she coldly snapped at her, as Johanna stood up from the chair even though her legs barely moved and did not feel at all functional, but she managed to crawl to the waiting room, where she sat down. A knot emerged in her throat and tears just ran down her cheeks. An emptiness inside her emerged, she was not sure how to ever fill up. She was six years old. It was the first time she understood the meaning of the word "powerlessness".

"Johanna?" he smiled at her encouragingly, as if showing the darkest parts of your soul you so hardly tried to bury was a piece of cake. She looked at him and realized she got lost in her thoughts. "I don't know… I guess things I have no control over. Fear of losing my vision and not being able to do much about it. Fear of losing someone I love due to circumstances I cannot control. Fear of the unknown and uncertainty. Fear of unforeseen events or circumstances. The fear I won't be able to just roll with life and find my way… Now that I said it, on a rational level I realize it is kind of absurd. However, sometimes I still can't help it."

He hugged her and then they kept walking. "How do you handle your fear?" "I'm not entirely sure. I look fear in the eye and most of the time I try to choose whatever I am afraid of, do it, and just ignore my fears. After all, they're just voices in my head. And I am the one giving power to them. What are you afraid of except for dogs?"

"Loneliness. That people finally realize what a worthless pile of garbage I am and that I don't deserve to be loved. Not being able to handle my demons. What if one day they'll get the best of me? What if I am meaningless? What if I'll never do anything significant with my life? What if I'll keep running after minor things, thinking that that is the best stuff in life while I miss on exactly the great stuff?" Johanna sighed. "I guess we're all afraid of something."

They arrived in the park, close to Johanna's home. It started snowing, but they barely saw that.

"Hey, look, remember when we used to come here and play when we were kids?" "Yeah, some of it," Josh replied. There was a playground: a slide, a swing, a sandbox. "Why do they suddenly appear so small? I remember they were bigger!"

"I guess because we grew up. I am big and tall now." "I'm still short," she sighed. "Yeah, but your boobs grew and your body is curvy too. You grew too. You're not a little girl anymore. You're a woman now." Johanna hit his elbow playfully. "That's all you can see, after so many years? I thought you see my soul and my mind, not my breasts and my butt." "Sorry, I don't see your soul. I hear it," he tried to defend himself and moved out of her way. "And if you want to fight me, be a little more aggressive. You're just as scary as a chipmunk," he tried not to laugh.

Johann sat in the swing and tried to use it. After a few failed attempts, she called Josh. "I am doing my best to be an independent pussy, but sometimes a strong man's hand is all I need. Could you please push me, so I can swing and remember what it feels like to be a child?"

"Ok, don't worry. I'll be there for you!" he pushed her from the back. She swung and suddenly felt free like a bird. "I don't quite swing as high as I once did, but it's still a nice feeling." Johanna smiled and turned his hand in his direction. "Thanks." "Don't worry. I'll always be there for you and help you fly even when you won't be near me. We are a team and there's an unspoken oath between us."

Flying solo is nice for a while though flying next to another soul or helping the other use his wings even when he forgot he had them is nice. The only problem is at a certain point you expect that person will always be there no matter what. Sometimes you got to remember that even Dumbo could fly when he lost his feather. The ability was always there. He just forgot he had it.