Helplessness

All his life, Kai knew when to hold on and when to give up. Even where such a choice concerned his mother, whom he considered his first love.

He accepted that she had changed when her illness took away the light in her eyes. It was painful to let go, but he could let go at some point.

For his mother, he knew that death was mercy. Later, he detached himself from everyone except Ian. To this day, he could count the number of people he held dear on one hand.

Thus when he heard what Lila said, his head and heart disconnected. He couldn't accept this one. He had yet to have any peaceful days with his mates.

He wanted to experience fatherhood with his mates. He wanted many things which would be impossible if she was to leave.

That aside, he couldn't live without her. Finding her was a miracle. It brought back all the humanity that he once lost.