Chapter 14:TERRIBLE PERSON

JEREMY'S POV

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I wasn't totally pissed, exhaustion was getting the best of me. Headache, so much noise from Lucy today. The volume of the TV was at max and she insisted on not reducing it. I rubbed my temples with fingers trying to soothe the pain away but that didn't work. I laid still for a couple of minutes and became upset when I couldn't sleep. Sleeping was never a problem, I always fell asleep as soon as I closed my eyes. I was tired and needed to find a way to sleep quickly. I could try pills, unfortunately, I had none. Water was the first thing that came to mind so I decided to get a cup of water. I returned a few minutes later with one.

Emptying my cup of water, I flipped through the pages of the magazine I got earlier. I had placed it on the dresser not paying it much attention. Guess who was on the front cover. I had to admit, I was hot like breathtaking hot. Wearing a tuxedo, the first two buttons were open, with a glimpse of my bare chest. The picture was taken before I cut my hair. Ruffling my heart with my hand, I sort of missed it now. It wasn't so bad. I smirked at my self-appraisal.

" I should probably get some sleep " yawning loudly, I crawled under the sheets and rested my head on the pillow. My eyes felt heavy as I slowly closed them and drifted into sleep.

Where I am? It was too bright and I shielded my eyes from the light. I began to panic thinking something had happened to me. Observing, this place somehow held memories. Vague and I couldn't place my hand on it. It looked kind of familiar, the place I grew up. I spotted the frame hanging on the wall. I was 8 with freckles, scrunching my nose. Everything was in the exact same place I remembered. Each vase was there appropriately. The furniture, nothing changed. Mother's scrapbook was on the couch, her most prized possession. A figure approached, gracefully taking each step, not making any sound.

" Nice to see you son " her cheerful voice filled the house. Her eyes glinted with happiness buried under sorrow. The last time I saw that was after the death of my father, it scared the living shit out of me.

" Mother " I managed to say

" Jeremy. Where have you been ? " it sounded like she was ready to scold me but was refrained.

" I.. I have been here, working…" stuttering, she eyed me and shook her head in disappointment.

" I see " oh she saw alright. It looked as though she was ready to cut my head off. Her piercing eyes never left me. That was definitely my cue.

" I am sorry for going away " my pleading eyes begged.

" you left me all to myself. I didn't do anything wrong, Jeremy, you're my son, and all I have left. Why did you do that to me? " I had thought about this at that time. The only one she had and I picked up and left.

" I am sorry, I really am. I made a stupid mistake, forgive me, mum "

She raised an eyebrow in question. Of course, I saw this coming. I should have gone to see her after Hannah left, to fix my mess but the coward in me held me back. Perhaps, I shouldn't have left in the first place.

" You know, after your father left, my heart ached for you, I was broken but mostly for you. I couldn't imagine how tough it would possibly be for you. You cherished him more than anyone else. I became determined to raise my son into a better person, to put in all my effort. I guess I failed, you behave like a brat who can't handle simple advice. " YOU, YOU, YOU kept chanting in my head. Everything she sacrificed for ME.

" I totally agree, I was wrong. You are too, I was raised right. you did not fail. " I couldn't get more words out.

" You are a terrible person and even worse, a terrible son. " Tears welled up in my eyes. This was worse than all the times she scolded me when I snuck out. Worse than when she was upset about my grades, much worse than her anger towards my attitude. This was pure disappointment. I stood back and let the words sink in. Listening to her call me terrible hurt me, each word stabbed my heart.

" Nothing to say? "

I shook my head answering.

" I am sure your father is equally disappointed Jeremy. Disappointed his son did not grow up to be anything like him " she looked quite sure of that. The last bit hurt a little. I imagined Dad looking down at me. His brows furrowed and his frown permanent. Nope, he wouldn't be able to pull it off. The thought almost made me crack a smile.

" I promise, I will never leave. " that was a promise I was planning to keep. Walking away was the most stupid thing I had ever done, I wasn't planning to repeat the same thing. I had learned enough lessons from this one.

" What makes you think I trust you? "

" You have to, I know I do not deserve your forgiveness. Forgive me and let me earn your trust " it sounded more like a negotiation than an apology.

" Well, I haven't forgiven you. All the sadness cannot disappear because of some words "

" Will, you ever forgive me ?" I was scared of what her answer will be, I asked anyway because I needed to know.

" No," she said bluntly.

" It was a mistake " I whispered trying to explain and defend myself. She turned her back against me and my words floated in the air and I returned from la-la-land.

I sat upright abruptly, panting, and trying to catch my breath. Remaining in the same position for a few minutes, I wondered if it might just be a reality after all.