R e a l i z a t i o n

ALEX'S POV-

"I changed colleges after we were over. I completely detached myself from her. I knew that I won't ever be able to move on if I kept remembering her tear stained face from that night.

I have seen her crying a lot of times, but it was for me that she was crying that night. I knew my presence in her life would only destroy her and she deserved more.

I changed my ways, and began a new life with Veronica. But sometimes I would miss her so much that I would go searching for anything that was left behind of her, anything that I'd forgotten to delete like a text or a picture because I missed her so fucking much.

Veronica tried her best to make me happy, but after some days together I understood she was a complete bitch. No matter how much she faked being nice and all smiles outside, she was full of hatred and poison inside. I couldn't walk away from her too, for one, I knew I would lose myself if I did and I would ruin her, too.

I forbid my mind from remembering her name, her face but sometimes I would just remember her smile, things that reminded me of her and catch myself breathing hard.

I don't know why it took me so long to realize I love her," I whispered, my voice barely audible. "I don't know why I couldn't see it before."

"What do I do?" I looked at Brandon as he paced back and forth the empty hall room. The balloons and streamers were still up, but everybody had gone home. "If she dies, it'll be my fault. Nobody else's, but mine."

"Dude for now let's just hope she's going to be okay," Brandon whispered. "I've seen her... She - cut herself open. Like you can't imagine how bad it is. There was blood flowing out of her open wounds and the whole bathroom was bloody and I... I didn't know what to do but Maria had the quick recovery from shock and she picked Julia up and folded her in a towel and started bandaging her wounds as she called up the ambulance and I couldn't do anything..."

He always spoke fast when he was scared. The rest of his sentence was lost as I closed my eyes, tears escaping freely again. She was battling death because of me. If someone needed to die, it was me. I deserved death for doing this to her.

"I'm..." I tried to scream but no voice came out. "I'm so fucking sorry," I cried harder. "I want to die. Kill me. I don't..."

"Hey bro. Bro," Brandon knelt in front of me. "Nobody deserves this I agree - but it wasn't your fault either. You didn't do this to her knowingly. Calm. Down. Take deep breaths."

I did as he told.

But I was freaking out so bad I didn't know what else to do but listen to what he said.

I couldn't exactly describe how I felt at that moment, I just felt something that wasn't quite right and it... left me cold.

All this time while I'd been away from her, I dreamt about her almost every night. Saw her flawless lips, her eyes, her beautiful features. I missed her so fucking much. And I was such a fool to let her go. I promised her I'd be there for her no matter what happened, but I didn't keep my promise. I was the worst person in the world.

I knew what I needed to do then.

I had to meet her.

No matter the cost, I just had to see her.