Brain Damage

After Zale was shot everything was a blur. I spent the hours at the police station. They wanted statements, needless to say nobody talked. The guy who shot him was DOA. The other guy was going to be handled by streets. The police were told the dead guy was the shooter. No one even mentioned the second guy. Joey came to the police station to get me. I went straight to the hospital after that.

Joey didn’t talk the whole ride. Christian was still at the police station. I knew they were probably giving him a hard time, because he had been arrested before. He had a record.

Over a two day period, Zale was in and out of surgery. He was on a blackout list, which made it complicated to see him unless we were with his mom or sister. There was a cop outside his room around the clock. They were other places to I was sure at least I hoped. The officer at the door always let me in, he hadn’t even asked who I was. He looked like he would weather be anywhere but there. Still I spoke every day.

They had done a craniotomy and a craniectomy. One surgery was to relieve pressure the other was to removed debris and foreign objects. After the final surgery the doctors came to speak to his mom. I was there, so I got the information first hand.

The doctors and surgeons explained that the surgeries had went well. Zale had initially suffered from TBI or Traumatic Brain Injury. They explained that he was very lucky. Ninety percent of people who were shot like him didn’t make it. Fifty percent of people died in the ER. Fifty percent of survivors suffered from seizures or memory loss.

The bullet that hit Zale had went into his frontal lobe tip towards the forehead. It had been above the base of the skull which usually causes mild damage. There was no damage to any vital brain tissue or vascular structure. The CT scan had found good brain stem functions but his Glasgow Coma scale was five meaning he was in an abstract coma. There was also damage to the right hemisphere which can cause sensory impairment such as cognition, memory loss, speech and vision.

I felt like I was slowly dying inside. The guilt I felt was unexplainable. If I had just done something different. I ran through every possible scenario that could have prevented this from happening. At the end of the day this was my fault.

*****

Two weeks went by and Zale remained comatose. The doctors said it was good he was at least breathing on his own and said he could wake up any day now. I just felt empty, he was fighting for his life and I sitting here just fine, when it should have been me. That’s what no one told me, but I knew it was true. Everyone told me it wasn’t like that, that Zale did what he felt like he needed to do.

I felt like, Fuck that. He had nothing to do with what happened with them boys he was innocent in the whole thing. I felt the tears coming again as I sat in the waiting room where I had been this past couple of weeks, day in day out. Everybody tried to get me to go home even Zale’s mama who I couldn’t even look at without crying, but I didn’t budge. The nurses were nice, they made sure I had food and kept bringing me hot chocolate. The gang came in spurts, sometimes I think they came more for me than for Zale.

Every once in a while, his eyes would flutter. Or they would move beneath his eyelids. Those moments, I thought he would wake up. I thought he would give me that goofy grin and tell me to stop crying like a baby. But he didn’t. Christian had felt it to his core. He was distant. I felt like he blamed me, if no one else did. Knowing him, he probably had more blood on his hands than he used to.

The guys who did it, the guys from that day were both dead. Zale’s sister had killed one and the other one was found a couple blocks over with two holes in his head. I didn’t know and I didn’t ask. I was just glad they wouldn’t come back for us. My next enemy, I wouldn’t make the same mistake.

*****

On day seven, I was still sitting in his room. Today I was reading a book. Every once in a while I looked back at Zale, just to check on him. The third time I looked up he was staring right at me. In that moment his eyes were the most beautiful sight. I dropped my book as I waited for him to talk. He didn’t say a word and neither did I, we just stared for minute and then I finally got up and walked to him. I kissed his cheek and thanked him. He jerked away as if stung. Looking into his eyes I saw fear. Zale looked at me like I was a stranger.

I briefly wondered if he was angry with me. I felt as if he was about to lash out any second. He still stared at me unmoving and he didn’t say anything. I realized that he was probably thirsty so I offered him my cup. He looked skeptical, but took a drink. He looked at me and asked, “Who are you?”

Like running water the tears started and I took a step back, ready to get a doctor. When he stopped me. “Don’t cry,” He said, “why are you crying?”

“You saved my life.” I told him. The word just tumbled out. I knew I should go get someone, but I wanted to thank him in private. I needed him to know how much he meant to me. He looked around for the first time and noticed the hospital room. He lifted up his arm and saw all the wires connecting him to all the machines and then he started crying. I whispered, “I’m so sorry Zale.”

“Who are you?” he asked again.

That’s when the tears started even harder, he really didn’t remember. He didn’t even remember me. I wanted to tell him but the words just wouldn’t come out. I literally couldn’t speak. Not knowing what to do I rang for the doctor and tried my best to calm him down.

“I'm Annett.” I said as gently as possible. I didn’t want him to think I was threat. He looked like he would take off if I moved too quickly. “We are friends. We hung out a lot. You, me, Christian?”

His eyes remain blank as he looked me over. “Is my mom here?” He asked.

In came three doctors, two nurses and his mother. At least he recognized her. They shooed me out and I called everybody I could think of and told them he woke up. I was beyond happy and excited. All week I had felt responsible for what happen to him. Now I felt some of that weight lift from my mind. He was going to be okay and I was sure with help he would remember everything in no time.

Two hours later, the doctor came out to a now full waiting room, through the window to Zale’s room I could see him sitting up in bed....talking to his mom. I figured she was telling him what happened. He looked calm.

The doctor cleared his throat and introduced himself. “Hello I am Dr. Morgan. Zale’s mother has asked me to explain his condition to you. Because of the trauma to his head, his memory receptors were damaged as well as his perception of everything around him. We know he is seventeen, but last he remembers, he was fourteen. The condition is called Executive Amnesia, which is not very acute. His memory should return gradually over time. For some people its months, sometimes its years.”

“What will happen to him?” Was that voice mine it didn’t sound like it but since the doctor looked at me I guess it was me.

“His mother and I talked about it and she expressed her concerns to me on how to care for him. There is nothing she can really do. I referred a treatment facility in Cape Gerardo that could help him and they are leaving when he is discharged. I suggest you all get your goodbyes in.”

When he walked away. We made our way to Zale’s room. He looked up and smiled at me. Probably because I was the only familiar face. So I smiled back, and walked to him and hugged him. On some level I was glad he didn’t remember. I don’t think I would want to remember getting shot in the head.

“Thanks again.” I said, my eyes leaking, even though I tried to hold back the tears. I felt like my heart was breaking.

He nodded at me, his smile gone as he looked at the boys “I guess you guys are all my friends, huh?” He asked. The guys nodded and then everyone talked to him for a while. It was almost like having him back, the only thing missing is the fondness he was known for and the jokes.

He didn’t remember any of us. I guess I was hoping he recognized someone. I had flash backs of all of us at the mall. Of him and me stealing candy out the gas station, of the many rap battles he had won. Of him and Christian making fun of me and Iesha. And last but not least of him jumping in front of a bullet for me.

I waited till last to thank him again. “Always remember Anna the girl whose life you saved because I will never forget about you.” I said as I squeezed his hand.

“I won’t.” he asked. I turned to leave and he said. “I’m going to be okay you know that right and I don’t blame you. If I saved your life, you must have been a good friend.

I turned around and didn’t hide the tears this that time. Those words meant the world to me, coming from him. I blew him a kiss and left. I didn’t feel bad anymore, he was alive and he was healthy. Like he said he was going to be okay. If I dint know before, I now knew that Zale was a survivor.

That night we partied hard for Zale. I even drank, we smoked, and we played games. I knew I would see him again even if it require a road Trip and I knew he would remember me. I fell asleep that night in my bed with Christian’s arms around me.

*****

A couple days later me, Charlie and Christian were at the quick trip on Broadway. No other way to say this other than to just say it. We were stealing like crazy. This quick trip was very easy to steal from. Mostly because it was pretty much ran by teenagers. This day however the boys was stealing and I was buying slushies. I noticed there was a lady standing next to me staring like she had seen a ghost. I looked back behind me and no one was there, so that meant she was looking at me.

“What?′ I asked taking a defensive stance.

“What’s your name?” she asked almost like a whisper.

“Anna, why?”

She let out a deep breath and set her stuff on the counter. Then she turned to me and grabbed me in a hug. “I’m your sister girl.”

I pulled back and looked at her closely. She didn’t look crazy, she was actually very pretty. She was dark skinned like me and she had long curly waves in her head, her eyes were brown and the shape was like almonds, perfect almonds. She smelled good to. I knew that she had to be tripping, I didn’t have a sister. Then I thought maybe she was referring to the fact that we were both African American, you know the whole brotherly-sisterly love thing.

“Your daddy name is Anthony right?” She asked.

That’s when I felt a tug on my memory. I had siblings on my father’s side that I didn’t know well. She could be one of them, or she good be an enemy. My father had a lot of enemies. That’s when I backed away. That’s when I got scared, when she mentioned my father.

My father my real father was in prison for the rest of his life. When I was a baby still in my mama’s womb he had committed a series of crimes. He and his cousin had gotten high as hell. They walked into this woman’s house and just got to taking stuff, she tried to stop him and his friend ended up shooting her over thirty times. They loaded up a car and in the process her husband came home and my father. My dad shot him to. They took everything and left leaving the bodies behind. The couple had just had a new born baby which they left alive in his crib asleep. I suppose they sold the stuff the stole.

They were caught a couple of days later and charged with robbery, armed criminal action, first degree murder, grand theft auto, and child endangerment. His friend was sentenced to the death penalty, and he died in prison just last year. But my father, because he had children was shown mercy. He was sentenced to over one hundred years, with no parole. To say he was going to be there forever was an understatement.

When I asked my mom what he did, she told me and didn’t hold anything back. I Haven’t seen him sense I was seven and at the time I didn’t know what he had done to be in that place but I knew now and I had no desire to see him. As far as I was concerned he got what he deserved. What he did was wrong, he didn’t care and neither do I. In the back of my mind I can’t help but love him, and wonder if he loved me why he would do something that could take him away from me forever.

I came back to reality and the lady was still standing there and I realized she wasn’t a lady but a girl a few years older than me. I knew my father had other children. A girl and a boy, my sister and brother, who I haven’t seen since that last visit to see him. I remember my sister, she was so mean to me. Tying my shoestrings together, and poking me saying he was only her daddy and not mine. I remember crying and telling on her to and my father giving her a stern talking to. What was her name......?

“Cherie,” I said.

“Yeah, Ann, it’s me, your sister.”

Then I hugged her. I had found my sister, and maybe with her my other blood line.