School

I woke up, my eyes gently unfolding as I stared up at the ceiling. There was something amiss, I rolled onto my arm placing my head on my left arm and staring off, the wall seem foreign, strange. Where am I? I tried to pull my right arm, but there was something holding it. I sat up, staring down at my arm.

My eyes widened.

My heart started to beat.

My head started to pound.

There was a high-pitched ringing in my ear as I stared down at the figure, her arms lying gently on my stomach, her head lying on my arm. Her beautiful hair strewn across my hand, her face was so peaceful as she grappled onto my body.

I felt like screaming, like shouting, even crying would do. My body feels like a pressure cooker, like I could explode at any moment. Like a volcano waiting to erupt. My memory returned, the events of last night came charging back. I rested my head back onto the headboard. My breath was shaky as I looked up at the ceiling. In the dark, I felt weird, wrong. I have school today, but how will I ever concentrate after something like this? How will I be able to look her in the face? That dream was a reminder of my punishment. I'm not allowed to feel this way, not whilst my head is still filled with images of her smile, of her mask. Will I see Psye's mask one day too? Will her smile haunt me? Will her eyes stare at me with disgust like Ella's does? Or will she leave me? Will I be haunted or alone?

Then I felt her stirring on my arm as she shifted around, her body sliding across the sheets. Then she stretched her hands up and opened her eyes.

"Hi,"

I stared down at her, she was so calm and composed even in the morning,

"Hi, can you get off my arm?"

"Aww, but it's so comfortable… why can't I just sleep for five more minutes?"

"I need to go, I'll see you at school."

"Hmm, you leaving like this, makes me feel so cheap,"

"Hah, hah… but um, thanks, for everything."

I grabbed my hoodie and shoes and walked out of the door, stepping into the cold, damp morning, the air brushing past my exposed body like razor blades. The rain hammering into the street like arrows from an archer guild's boss raid. Not the best way to start my first day of the year, or maybe it was the best way… I slapped myself in the face, clearing the dirty thoughts from my mind. I pulled the hoodie over my body and covered my ears with the gray fabric. Then I walked through the streets, my feet rippling the water as the city became submerged. The streets flooded with mirrors, the water copying the sky above, creating a seemingly endless space between the houses. It was a strange view, the view of a waterlogged street.

The water rushed past my face, droplets plunging into the still water, I walked over a bridge to get to my house, it crossed through the park and stepped over the once peaceful stream, but now it was flooded with torrents of water, the foam, and whitewash hammering into my mind.

"Live for me."

The view down was so similar, I can almost see her, see her standing on that ledge. It's so painful. It makes me empty, like there is a hole in my chest.

"I'm sorry lee."

The words echoing through my head, pounding into my skull. I had to grab my head to stop from falling over the sound of the water breaking into my heart. I shut my eyes, squeezing the eyelids together until it hurt. Then I felt a soft hand on my cheek,

My eyes widened.

Tears welled in the shocked eyes, pouring down onto the ground.

Her black hair spread out before me, her purple eyes so close to mine, her hand resting on my cheek. Her forehead resting on mine.

"Don't cry lee,"

The tears welled up in my eyes, I was afraid to blink, even if this was only a hallucination, a signal of my delusions. I want to see her, I want to hold her. I want to be with her, if only for a few seconds.

"What's wrong?"

This can't be happening, I won't talk to myself like an idiot, she isn't real. I need to go home, I need to… this is all part of the memories.

This isn't the first time this has happened, I see her… when I'm feeling sad, when I'm on the edge of a bridge, when I try to give up, when I hate when I cry she is always there.

I put in my headphones, uncoiling the long black wires and slotting the soft rubber tips into my ears.

I need to ignore her. Then she'll go away.

I walked for a few minutes, but she followed, she was the same age as me, she always grew up. Reminding me of my failure. I pushed into the house, it was a mess, and walked into my room. I pulled the white shirt on and the trousers too then after brushing my teeth I put my hoodie back on and my blazer over that, then putting the headphones back in I walked out of the house.

"Charlie!"

The name broke through my music, shattering my bubble. my mother stood in the mess of flipped tables and strewn furnature.

"Yeah?"

"Where did you go last night?"

"The bench."

"Bullshit."

"Has Ellie gone yet?"

"Don't dodge the question!"

"I answered the question, now I'm leaving."

"Fine, be that way."

I slammed the door behind me and checked my account balance. I have enough for a month's worth of meals. Plus a little extra if I pick up Ellie.

Then I set down the street, the rain bouncing off my hoodie and deflecting onto the street. The road alive with ripples like a symphony of waves.

I walked into the building, my damp water drifting into the entrance, I walked over to my locker, my bag still in the old wooden box as I left it. I opened the black bag, taking out a pencil, pen, and calculator. There were a couple notebooks with stats and event preparations in there too, I stuffed all of it back in and slung the light bag over my shoulder. I took off my hoodie, stuffing it inside, and walked inside. As I walked, people talked, catching up with old friends, making new ones. I walked into my classroom, setting myself down at a solitary table in the corner, then I stared off into the clouds, wishing for all this to be over.

"Hey, you must be the new girl." That phrase took my attention as I looked over to the door, my face buried in my arm.

Psye was in the doorway laughing with some people, boys crowded around her and looked at her from afar. It makes sense. I turned my head back to the window.

"Hey you don't want to go over there that guy's like totally creepy,"

"Yeah, I heard he's a stalker."

"I heard he's a hitman for the mob."

"He's a shut in weirdo, apparently he hasn't spoken in two years."

"Yeah, he's totally a freak."

"Imagine being like him?"

"Haha ew gross."

What happened to me? Last year hearing that wouldn't have phased me, so why now? Why do I now want to punch each and every one of them?

"Wait, what are you doing? Don't go over there, if you talk to him, you'll be marked, and he'll stalk you."

"Hey! Assassin!"

"Really? Calling me that?"

"Oops sorry"

"It's fine, how are you liking the school?"

"People really hate you."

"I see it more as a negative admiration."

"Haha it looks like we're in the same class, that's cool right?"

"Yeah."

"Will you give me answers when I fall asleep, or are you just as dumb as me,"

"Technically I'm the highest ranked in the year, but I don't know about that."

"You are?!?!!? I would've never guessed."

"Ouch."

"Anyway, I'm going to talk to more people and boost the image of my most humble of guild masters."

"Um ok."

She walked away and back to the group of girls.

"Hey, why did you do that? Do you know that creep?"

"Yeah, you see I just happen to be a gamer myself."

"Oh uuuh, you see we didn't mean what we said, we were only joking."

"Uh huh, he's not that bad, he's funny and his arm's real comfortable."

"What does that mean?"

"Oh nothing…"

I sank into my arm… maybe it is comfortable, I never noticed before.

"Hey Lee."

"What's up?"

"I'll give you a warning this time since we were pals on the team, but you ever talk to her again, and I'll beat the shit out of you and drop you in a river."

"Uh huh, maybe when I speak to her tonight I should mention her crazy stalker who threatened to beat me up if I talked to her? Maybe put in a good word?"

"Shut up asshole. Don't let it happen again."

The school's resident delinquent, he was on the basketball team with me in middle school but in high school he started to get angry when he lost, he decided to take it out on all the weaker kids taking their money and assembling a gang of sorts, he'd use the weaker ones to buy him alcohol and cigarettes and then take their money. A real son of a bitch, but he never came after me even though I was an obvious target, he always loved basketball, or winning and wanted me to come back to the team, so I had his protection, but now I feel he has somewhat lost that generous spirit.

The bell rang and classes started, students piled into the room, rushing to sit with their friends. As expected the seat next to me was free, that's for the best, that way I get out of group projects and pair work. The teacher walked in and slammed a book onto the desk, I sank further into my arm, waiting for the hell to be over. I wonder where she'll sit.

I was about to drift off when the teacher stopped her monotone ramblings. I lifted my head slightly to see Psye at the doorway and out of breath.

"Sorry I'm late, miss, I got slightly turned around."

"That's fine I'm sure there's a spare seat, oh if you want you can take the chair next to mister uuuuh, you there what's your name?"

"Lee."

"Ah, I'm sure he won't mind if you move it near one of your friends."

She sat down on the chair next to me and smiled. Then the teacher got back to teaching us history. It was all pretty simple. I soon fell asleep, but I didn't dream. I just drifted in a black void.

Then just as I was feeling relaxed, a huge bang rattled through my skull.

"Mister Lee, if you aren't going to take this class seriously, there is the door."

I seriously considered walking out, or at least saying something clever like "I know, how do you think I got inside." but as always I just took the test from her hand without uttering a word. Teachers are all like this at the beginning, they think they can catch me out with tests, that I'll fail or score low. It never works, they soon learn to leave me alone, assuming I take night classes or something. After breezing through the test, I fell asleep again and the day drifted past.

Psye got invited to eat with some other students whilst I sat in the classroom eating a sandwich. Then the rest of the day was just a few small naps. There were maths which was boring and the same English. But for some reason I didn't mind being there, something about Psye sitting next to me makes the day bearable. The idea that just a few hours ago she was clinging to my arm like a vine. It made me so happy, embarrassed and scared, but happy.

The day ended with a bell.

"Hey, Charlie, wanna play today?"

"Sure, Yuki might've found some people to join us."

"Ok… are you inviting Bana?"

"He hasn't gotten back to me, so I don't know."

I collected my books and stuffed them into my bag and through a window saw, the school delinquent was waiting for me at the gates, his friends hanging around the entrance.

Dumb move.

I can escape today by climbing over the wall and leaving like that. But I'll have to leave my hoodie here. I don't expect I'll need to go out again today.

I can't wait,

I can't wait to get back to LSO.