BLOOD & TEARS

(TAEHYUNG'S POV)

I close my eyes, locking the bathroom door. I start crying my heart out, sitting in the bathroom floor. I don't understand how could my Jiminie cheat on me. He cheated with Jungkook. My brain is still trying to understand that. Jungkook was one of my best friends. I don't want to know for how long have been all of this going on.

He says it isn't what I think it is, but feelings are feelings and kisses are kisses. He said he had feelings for Jungkook, I can't be with him if he has feelings for someone else and it breaks me.

My brain keeps telling me that Jimin doesn't love me, he was making fun of me. My brain says he's cruel and doesn't deserve forgiveness. On the other hand, my heart tells me to listen to him. Jimin would never do that behind my back, he would never cheat on me.

But he did.

He said he had feelings for Jungkook.

He said they kissed.

I pull my hair out of frustration. I don't want to feel this pain anymore, I don't want to hear my brain anymore.

'You're useless.'

'Nobody loves you.'

'Everyone is better than you.'

'Jungkook is better than you.'

'Jimin doesn't love you.'

'Jimin never did.'

I let out a silent scream. I get up, almost falling back to the floor. I support myself in the sink. I look at myself in the big rectangular mirror, I'm a mess. My cheeks are slightly red, as well as my eyes, which are also swollen.

I'm pathetic.

I roll up the red sleeves of my sweatshirt, I've my wrists full of little scars. I don't remember how it feels like, to cover pain with more pain. I promised Taehyung I wouldn't do that again, but it isn't worth it anymore.

Jimin doesn't care about me.

If he does, he would have talked to me earlier.

Jimin doesn't love me.

If he does, he wouldn't feel anything for Jungkook.

I hope he doesn't love him as he used to love me. I hope he never loves anyone as he used to love me.

I open one of the little cabinets under the sink. I grab the first aid kid and put it on the marble. I look at it for a few seconds, Hoseok told me he helped Seokjin putting everything we needed in the bathrooms.

I open it, slowly. There're bandages, strips, hydrogen peroxide, etcetera. My eyes lay on the scissors, I doubt before grabbing them. I closed the box and I put it to a side. I look at the object in my hands, it had been my best friend for a few years, they made me feel better.

I look myself in the mirror once again. I don't know if I want to do it, Jimin wouldn't be proud. Jimin wouldn't like it.

But Jimin hurt me.

Jimin left me for another boy, because I'm not enough.

I put the tip of the scissors in my skin. I sniff, I can't stop my tears. Jimin's voice echoing in my head. He doesn't love me anymore, he doesn't.

I make the first cut, it hurts less than I remembered. Maybe losing Jimin is the worst thing that happened to me. I make four horizontal cuts in my left wrist, two of them are on a part that I've never cut before, I didn't go so high on my arm in the past.

More tears fall, rolling down my cheeks, as well as my blood rolls down to the sink.

I'm pathetic.

I try to calm myself when I start to feel dizzy. I take off my sweatshirt, my wrist hurts when the fabric rubs the wounds. I press the piece of clothing to my cuts, trying to stop the bleeding.

I sit down and I focus only on my breath. I stay like this for a few seconds, once I feel better, I get up, but I need to lean on the door for help. I walk towards the sink and I open the first aid kid.

It's difficult to put on the bandages with only one hand. I put the box in its place and, as soon as I finish cleaning the sink, someone knocks on the door.

"You okay, buddy? You've been here for a little while now." It's Yoongi, he probably wants to check on me. Hoseok and Yoongi are the only ones who really care about me.

"Y-Yeah." I try to say, but my voice sounds weak. I try to stop crying thinking about how I'm going to get out of here without anyone seeing my wounds, or the bloodstain on my sweatshirt.

"Why are you taking so long? What are you doing?" His voice sounds concerned, but not as much as it would sound if he knew the truth.

I look around, trying to find an excuse. My eyes stop in the big shower. "I- I wanted to take a s-shower, but I remembered that we don't have a-any towels." I try to sound confident.

If Yoongi sees what I did to myself, he's going to be disappointed in me. I don't want to disappoint him, but I want the pain to go away. It hasn't been twenty four hours yet, and I already acted impulsively.

'You're a pathetic weakly.'

'That's why nobody loves you.'

"Stop!" I scream.

"I just wondered if you wanted to go, I'll take that as a no." Yoongi says, taken aback.

Ugh, I was so deep into my thoughts, listening to this stupid voice, that I didn't realise Yoongi kept talking. I don't know what he asked, but it's still a no.

"By the way, are you wet?"

"What?" I'm the one who's taken aback now.

"Did you realise before or after getting in the shower that we didn't have towels?" He specifies.

"Be-before." I'm not wet and I don't want to be. I'm sure anyone heard the shower, anyway.

"Then come out already, Namjoon wants to talk to us." He says.

I hear footsteps, Yoongi's probably gone. I grab my sweatshirt and put it on. The bathroom is in front of the living room, one sofa is facing the bathroom, but the other doesn't. Maybe if I'm fast enough, I can run to my bedroom and get changed before getting back.

I take a deep breath, before opening the door. I close it, back facing everyone. I run towards my room. I heard Seokjin's voice say something, but I ignore it.

I put on a black sweater. I didn't thank Hoseok when he came back yesterday, but right now I feel more than thankful.

I come back to the living room, all eyes on me, there's no way they know it. I keep trying to calm myself while I walk towards them. All eyes on me, but Jungkook's. I look at Jimin sideways before sitting at the same sofa. I saw hope in his eyes. Seokjin and Namjoon are in the middle of us. I can't face Jimin, I know I'll look at him more than I should and I'll start crying again.

I keep playing with my sleeves when Namjoon mentions to go visit the neighbourhood this afternoon. I don't want to go, I don't want to do anything. I want to lay on the bed and cry all day.

"We'll write a list of what we need." He says, giving us all a paper. "Make a personal one, after lunch, we'll make another one together."

All of them nod. I get up to go to my room, I don't need anything.

"Won't you write a list?" Namjoon says, softly. At least he isn't complaining.

"I'll do it in my room." I whisper.

Lie.

"Wait," Seokjin grabs my left wrist and I have to pretend it doesn't hurt. I try to control my face expressions. When I notice he's not going to say anything any time soon, I let go of his grip.

"I'll be in my room." I say. It sounds cold, but I can't hold the pain anymore.

I walk quickly to my bedroom, ignoring the looks of everyone.

I don't need it.

I don't need their pity.