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FOR YOU

(SEOKJIN'S POV)

Yesterday night I realised I can't do anything to stop Namjoon from protecting me, as a boyfriend and as one of my father's men. He can't be tight to me all his life, I can't be the reason he dies. I would never forgive myself if something happens to him because of me.

"Did you want to talk to me?" Namjoon asks, closing the door behind him.

"Mm-hmm."

"How are you feeling, love?"

He attempts to cup my cheeks, but I take a few steps away. "I need to tell you something." I look at my feet. "You must respect my decision. Promise."

"What happened, baby? You know I'll always respect you."

"Also, my wills?"

"Of course."

I look at him; his dimples are showing, but just a bit; his warm eyes doesn't look away from mine, as I try to stop my tears. He comes closer and grabs my hand, but I pull it away, quickly.

"Let's break up."

"Wha-What?" He takes a few steps away. "Are you kidding, right?" He's slightly frowning. I know it sounds like a joke, but it's the best thing I can do to protect him. Nevertheless, I can't avoid the punch in my heart, say it out loud sounds worse than in my mind. I think he notices it, but I shake my head.

He comes closer. "Tell me you're kidding."

I step away, but I feel the wall right behind me. I avoid his gaze, looking at the door. He knows me better than anyone else.

"Tell me you're kidding." He insists. His slow and deep voice sends shivers all over my spin. I know he would never hurt me physically, but I may hurt him even more emotionally.

I shake my head, avoiding to bite my lips. He leans both hands on the wall, cornering me. I can feel his breath caressing my skin.

"I don't believe you."

"What?" It still impresses me how easy he can read me. He needs to believe me, he has to respect my decision. If he doesn't, I don't know how I'm going to be able to protect him from myself. From my cruel and uncertain fate.

"I know you still love me. We made love yesterday. You can't stop loving someone in less than 24 hours, Seokjin."

"Farewell sex." It sounds stupid, but I needed to feel him, to be with him one last time. I don't want to forget anything about him.

"Farewell sex?" He says, stepping away. "Seokjin, I made love to you." He closes his fists, exhaling heavily with his eyes closed for a few moments. He cups my cheeks. "Can you tell me what's wrong instead of saying nonsense, love?"

"Nothing's wrong. I want to break up because I'm tired of this relationship. I want new airs and I think this is going to be the best opportunity I've ever had to meet new people." It takes all my under control to not jump in his arms and give him the biggest bear hug. I remind myself this is for his safety. I'm doing him a favour, even though he can't see it now.

Namjoon tightens his jaw. "It can't be true. You're not like this, Seokjin. What happened? Did I do something to bother you?"

"You said you would respect my wills. Why you can't respect this one?" I swallow.

"Because I know you're lying. I know you don't want to break up with me, you would never do it, as I would never break up with you. Seokjin, you still love me."

"I don't. I appreciate you, but I'm not in love with you anymore. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, but this is my last decision. If you excuse me," I say. I walk towards the door and he doesn't intend to follow me nor stop me. I leave the room with a heavy heart and tears streaming down my face.

I did it for his safety. I did it for him. Even if I repeat these words over and over again in my head, it doesn't seem to appease my grief.