22

"He broke brother's nose Hoseok!"

"I know my love, I know but first, it's not a 'he'"

"What?"

"And she, my darling, she is in trouble. I know my love that you want nothing more to poison her but you must understand that she is family, no? I don't cut your brother's leg no matter how annoying he is"

"There's difference Hoseok"

"Point is, she will soon be gone, and I suppose Yulian must be hating the fact a girl made that job on me so why don't you go help massage him while I tend to her before he does something he will regret"

To be honest, hearing my brother speak English so fluently against someone with an obvious russian accent gives me a sort of tickle right on my nose but I ignore it, twirling my spoon around my coffee.

I hear kissing sounds and then I see her pause at the kitchen door.

She has blonde hair and blue eyes, typical barbie but she is beautiful.

Extremely.

She passes me a glare but ends up walking away, her heels clicking as she jams the door on her way out.

I hear my brother sigh, entering the kitchen, his hair over his face as he takes my mug of coffee and begins to drink it.

I sigh, dropping the teaspoon on the table "Yes, of course you can drink my tea, no problem"

He sighs, dropping the mug back as he sits infront of me, his face in a smile "She wants one of your eyeballs"

"Such a gory image" I say "You both are quite suited for one another"

"I know, but for some reason, she refuses to marry me" He says "Typical woman behavior"

He crosses his legs "Does Father know you are here?"

"I said no" I reply "I even bought a new phone so I would not be hunted down like a rat for a while"

"Predictable" He says "Why are you here Eul Song? Bringing a bomb you know I have been asking for years must mean the favour is huge. If it's the fight with the other mafia, I have no problem with killing...."

"That fight will not be involving you" I cut in "If it eventually comes, I will not let you lay a hand on anyone. Possibly because you're a sociopath who loves torture than actual killing Oppa"

"Ouch" Hoseok says "You hurt my feelings. So if that's not why you hunted me down, then what is?"

"I fell in love Oppa"

I don't know what I expect to see on his face.

Confusion, laughter, something I can read.

But instead his face is blank as he says "Continue Eul"

And I do.

I tell him about Kim Geon Woo, how we met, first met, before the Facebook incident, then the one night stand that never happened, and the contract, the sexual scenes...

And the fact that he said I couldn't feel any of it.

"It is one of the reasons I came here" I say "It is the only reason anyway"

"I suppose it was a shame that I expected you to actually miss me, no?" Hoseok asks with a sigh.

We say nothing for a while, him staring at his nails before I say "You do not laugh at me"

"It's not funny is it?" He asks "If Olga loved a female as much as I loved her, I suppose I'd kill her and lock Olga up"

I frown "This is not that Oppa"

"I'm giving simple instances Eul" He says "You love a man who loves... Men, and you cut your hair, dye it pink, dress like a man and travel all the way here with a bomb that could have risked your life or gotten you into prison at the airport. There is nothing funny about this whole scenario Eul"

"Noona says I should stop"

He lets out a groan standing up "Ugggh, she's always been such a party pooper ever since we were kids, just like her own Mother"

"Ga-eul was my Mother too"

He smiles there "Oh I know, but for some reason, you're not like her anymore. Do you know what that bitch did to me?"

He raises his tank top up as I see the burn scar on his chest right where his heart is "She said 'Since you refuse to be my child, I must mark you' Crazy bitch"

"Should I apologize about that then?"

"No, she was crazy, she was worse with you too so that doesn't matter, does it?" He says and sighs "Such a dysfunctional family that we have managed to keep perfect all this years, and here you are, about to let it all down the drain for some man"

"He's not just some man" I say "And I, for the first time, have seen something worth living for"

"I thought you lived for your art"

"Art is secondary"

"I see"

He paces back and forth now, his eyes trained on me as he says "Pray tell me exactly why you came here again?"

"I want to learn how to feel"

"Feel what?"

"An orgasm"

I expect him to laugh this time, but for some reason, Hoseok is taking this so seriously "Well, continue, you must have a brilliant thought to spout such stupid nonsense from your virgin mouth"

"I'm not a virgin anymore Oppa"

"The hymen still intact in between your legs says otherwise"

I purse my lips together as he chuckles before I say "According to some research I did, prosthetic arms and legs have been made for people who lose them possibly during war or an accident, right?"

He nods.

"And this same researches say that currently, there has been a way to connect the prosthetic to the nerves in the body. Make it work and feel like the real thing" I say.

That's WHEN he laughs.

It's loud and annoying, but that's the obvious Hoseok I know, the tyrant I was raised with, the one who liked making frogs explode to see how big their throats could go.

"A prosthetic dick?!" He laughs out "Are you insane?!"

"Yes" I reply subtly.

"You don't.... You don't get it do you?" He asks "Tell me that you've gotten rid of your boobs too so I can refer to you as Eum now"

I say nothing, pulling off the buttons of my shift.

His eyes are watching me as I do so, before I finally open it and show him the bandage wrapped around my chest.

His eyes turn glassy there as he says "Take it off"

"Oppa...."

"He's not here Eul, take it off"

I let out a small sigh, doing as he says as he keeps staring, I wince at the bruises that ache as breeze begins touching the sides and air flows through my lungs comfortably.

When I'm done, I'm seated bare chested as he walks to me.

His eyes stare at the purple bruises around it as his finger reaches out and touches it.

I wince as he does so making him say "You must never put that goddamn thing around me till you are gone"

I nod.

He moves back, sighing "Button up and let's take a walk"

In five minutes, I'm wearing a heavy fur coat, possibly holding me down with him in a big wool turtle neck sweater, smoking a cigarillo I suppose as we walk through the streets.

"As children, you used to be so curious about everything. It was something we shared deeply. You understood me, my violence and my love for destruction. As long as I did not hurt you or people, you were okay" He says "You were the one who even caught the frogs for me, do you remember?"

I nod.

"But then that accident... You became hard as steel, and that stupid Jan Yi Song kept... Kept taking you from me and I ran to Russia from not killing her" He says with a shake of his head "You were my baby sister and you always needed me. Do you know how I felt when you began depending on that little boring witch?"

"She's my Noona too"

"That's besides the point my love" He says "Now... Now I see you doing something that you want, that you actually want to fight and kill for, and you come to me for help. I'm glad, but I'm scared all at once.

"This thing you want... It will be connected to your nerves Eul. If things don't work with you and Kim Geon Woo...."

"It will work"

He continues like I said nothing "If things don't work, you might have to take it off. Do you know what that means? You might bleed to death. Hell, what am I saying? You COULD while you still have it on you"

"I know all this things"

"And you do it still?"

"I have a lived a long life, a long and stupid one. I cannot imagine life without Kim Geon Woo"

We keep walking in silence now, him smoking quietly as I say "He reminds me of It"

"It?" Oppa asks "Is he that ugly?"

"No... But they are like. They treat me different. Love me different... I suppose It came into our lives to show me what love really was. He was feisty and rough but he ran to me when he was scared and fought even though he acted like he couldn't wait to bite my finger off... People look me in the face and lie everyday back in high school, back in college, but I know what they thought and it made people feel so complex. Kim Geon Woo tells me what he feels and that's not confusing at all. He doesn't confuse me...."

"I know you love him Ga-eul"

This is the first time he is saying my full name in years as he completes his sentence "And that's what worries me"