Rant or just whatever comes in my head

Maybe I don't know what im doing you know and maybe im just doing what I can because this is the only way for me to feel free but what can I say im a real price of shit that can't get themselves together even when the way is right in front of me instead I take the fucking longer way because I hate to let myself enjoy anything yet there's times where I actually fucking love doing something like eating an amazing price of red velvet or chocolate cake yeah that sounds good now I want some mmmh what to do what to do I can't even figure it out probably because I'm a stupid incomplete irrelevant with nothing but food in their head yet I can easily be the top of my class if I just let myself go since I hate having expectations from a bitch or being supported by one ugh now I can't seem to stop playing this song "I Feel Bad By I Hate Myself" Because they make amazing songs but this one is making me repeat over and over again to the point of a headache hahaha I'm my creating it God it's killing me wait please kill me dear God with this music it would make me the happiest I've ever been besides when I'm eating anything sweet sugary and good cause that doesn't count since this is making me happy by eating me whole of what I want and that is to make myself happy by killing myself but then again I still have a lot of food and sweets I want to eat and try so can't just go and die yet gonna have to wait sorry hehehe we'll hope this does make me feel bad since there's a lot that I try to keep out of my mind since I would just wish that they'd get fucking run over by a stupid son of a bastard who's a moron and can't get his head out of his dick to only put it up his ass what a world we live in then again we've only been freeloading and making it worse then what it used to be but thinking about I'll live up to 2300 at most if I don't kill myself before then now I really want to see the what's going to happen since I won't now what happens next since I've never though if it I never do I never think of the aftermath of what will happen when I die will I still be here will I remember only time can know time always knows even before it was named time has what life would be I can't tell if I'm ranting or just writing whatever comes to my head cause this is all thats coming out because I haven't said anything to anyone neither myself for a day so I'm somewhat scared of what will happen next cause honestly I'm tired my eyes hurt and I've got a headache God fucking sake why am I still typing and replaying this song right to make myself feel bad because I'm horrible when I'm alone.