Where I Stand

The days passed quickly.  Time flies as if hunting, running a marathon with human routines.  However, time is not really able to restore a deteriorating situation.  Every second that is eaten really can't be used as medicine.  Pain and fear remain dominant.

 It had been seven days since the incident at the restaurant, but Xiao You Ren did not feel at ease at all. The more he tried hard to forget about it, the higher his anxiety grew.  Even sometimes that feeling can turn into a great fear that can not be controlled by him.

 This morning was the same, the man woke up with sweat pouring down his forehead and body.  His breath was hunting like he had been following a national level running competition. His eyes were vacant, looking around the small room.  When he realized that he was in a fairly safe place, Xiao You Ren began to catch his breath.  His hands gripped the edge of the blanket tightly and lifted it up to cover his face and body. Snuggle like a baby in a roll of blankets.  His mind went blank again.

 Xiao You Ren stuttered alone, confused about what to do on the day off.  If usually he would be immersed in work at the office to distract his worries.  So, what to do at a time like this?

 A movement was felt to penetrate his hand from under the blanket. Surprise was unavoidable, his heartbeat was racing.  Xiao You Ren lowered his blanket slightly and peeked out from behind the small gap.  A cat looks to be looking for a comfortable place to lie down on its side again.  Luckily Xiao You Ren didn't make a move to get rid of it.  His hand reached out to take Lie into a hug and sink their bodies.  Every now and then Xiao You Ren rubbed the tip of his nose against Lie's hairy face.

 Without realizing it, the clock was already at ten and Xiao You Ren had just gotten out of bed.  Do a little stretching before going to the bathroom.  Look at his face in the mirror, then wash it slowly.  He went back to the room and cleaned it. Putting everything in its place until the room is back to normal, tidy and comfortable to live in for hours. When Xiao You Ren was complacent that his cleaning job was done.  His cell phone rang from the nightstand beside the bed.  On the screen of the cellphone, Zhao Yuzi's name was listed as calling.  Xiao You Ren slowly picked up the call.

 "Hello, Yuzi! What's wrong?"  he asked bluntly.

 The girl on the other side answered with high enthusiasm, "Hi, Ren Ren! Come on, let's go for a walk! It's a holiday, don't lock yourself up, okay. I'll be at your apartment in half an hour, get ready, okay?"  The girl cut off the call unilaterally, without giving Xiao You Ren a chance to answer the invitation.  With lazy steps Xiao You Ren returned to the bathroom to clean up and get ready according to Zhao Yuzi's words.

 Sure enough, half an hour passed and the doorbell rang.  Xiao You Ren wasn't even done with his preparations yet.  He walked to the door and opened it.  Letting go of a girl who had been secretly had become an important part of Xiao You Ren's life.  He felt that Zhao Yuzi was more than just an office mate.  The girl seemed to understand with all the anxiety in her heart.  In every trouble that would come to this man's life, Zhao Yuzi would make him feel a little calmer with his cocky behavior.  Like today, the girl decided unilaterally to go with Xiao You Ren.  Although the boy was reluctant at first, but in the end he would enjoy being with Zhao Yuzi.

 Not infrequently Xiao You Ren felt that the girl knew a little about the events that had rained on her life. However, Xiao You Ren was still the one who didn't like to bother about such things.  After all, Zhao Yuzi wasn't a bad person and didn't look like he could do anything bad.

 "Ren Ren!"  Zhao Yuzi shouted loudly.  How could it not be like that, from the moment he stepped foot inside Xiao You Ren's apartment, the boy ignored him and was having more fun with his brain-cracking thoughts.

 The girl snorted.  "What are you thinking, huh?"  He squinted, looking probingly at Xiao You Ren who was putting on his glasses.

 "Just a small thought," he answered lightly.  His hand grabbed the car keys from the nightstand.  "Come on!" take Xiao You Ren.  Stepping out of the apartment first, Zhao Yuzi followed.

 They walked hand in hand while chatting intimately.  Light discussions and jokes flowed smoothly from Zhao Yuzi's small mouth, successfully provoking the malevolent laughter of the man walking beside her.  Nonetheless, that expression of happiness would vanish when Zhao Yuzi turned her face away from Xiao You Ren.  Flat eyes and lips without a smile, that's what was printed on the man's face.  As has become a habit for the past week.  It was so easy to change that expression.

 In fact, Zhao Yuzi was quite sensitive to Xiao You Ren's changes. In his mind he continued to wonder about the most likely cause of his office mate to turn gloomy.  However, Zhao Yuzi couldn't ask directly, even though she was very curious.  Zhao Yuzi felt a strong urge from him to help Xiao You Ren out of everything that had, indirectly, imprisoned the man.  The girl's high regard for Xiao You Ren could not be hidden for long. The proof is, today he took the time to invite Xiao You Ren to have fun, even though there was still work waiting at his house.

 "Where are we going?"

 Xiao You Ren's question interrupted Zhao Yuzi's brief thoughts.  Seeing the man next to him ready to drive the car, Zhao Yuzi began to think. Great places to unburden yourself and emit a positive aura, full of calming peace.  Thought such a place would be very useful for now.

 "What about the riverside park on the border of town A and town C?"

 Xiao You Ren squinted.  His gaze was fixed on Zhao Yuzi who was starting to fidget.  Even though Xiao You Ren rarely went out for a walk, he knew that the place the girl had mentioned was the best place to meditate. There will be many people who are also looking for peace there.

 "Yuzi, you're not thinking that I'm stressed, are you?"  asked Xiao You Ren probing.  The girl next to her shook her head, but still couldn't change what Xiao You Ren thought about it.

 "No. I don't think you're stressed or depressed," the girl replied aloud.  "It's just that you've been looking down lately. What's wrong if we go to a quiet place? Besides, it's not just a place for meditation, there's a picnic area too. We can share stories and I can read as much as I want."

 Her hand moved to take out two books from the bag she was wearing. Showing off the boys love genre novel to Xiao You Ren.  Until the bespectacled man was silent.

 A bit of relief came to Xiao You Ren's heart, at least he could hide the mess he had been feeling the past few days.  That's how his naive mind worked.

 "Okay," he answered nonchalantly.  Xiao You Ren prepared to drive the car and exit the apartment building area.  On second thought, Zhao Yuzi's idea didn't sound bad.

 .

 They have spent two hours sitting in silence on a park bench.  Zhao Yuzi who was busy with reading and Xiao You Ren with long thoughts and occasionally stared intently at the people meditating.  Zhao Yuzi was right, about how comfortable it would be to stay in a quiet place like this.  Xiao You Ren's complicated thoughts gradually changed, each of his worries slowly found a way out. There was a sense of relief tucked into the cracks of his heart, as he felt the fresh air hit his face.  A faint smile was etched on his lips and it succeeded in adding to Xiao You Ren's pleasure.  Zhao Yuzi secretly found that faint smile and squealed with joy.  Suddenly surprised Xiao You Ren who immediately looked away to confirm the girl's condition.

 Xiao You Ren's eyebrows dipped sharply, his facial expression looking questioning.  Luckily Zhao Yuzi was a sensitive enough girl, so she replied, "The story is so adorable."

 Zhao Yuzi gave a wide smile before continuing, "Why is the male-male pair so cute? Ah, I wish I were a boy."  As professional as possible, Zhao Yuzi's face had a sad expression on it.  It elicited a crisp laugh from the man next to him.

 "So what if you become a man?" asked Xiao You Ren, idly.  Still holding on to Zhao Yuzi who slowly lowered her reading book to her thighs and looked straight at the calm flowing stream.

 "I want to be the person you love and love you with all my heart and make my Xiao You Ren happy."  The words flowed smoothly from Zhao Yuzi's mouth in a serious tone. Causing Xiao You Ren to widen his eyes and stare questioningly at the girl.

 Zhao Yuzi noticed Xiao You Ren's silence, immediately looked at the boy and gave an annoying smile. "Why? Do you believe it?"  Laughter followed the question sentence.

 Again Zhao Yuzi annoyed Xiao You Ren, although it was quite comforting.  However, something stuck in Xiao You Ren's heart.  Regarding Zhao Yuzi's attitude and seriousness when she said that.  It was as if the girl was hiding something, but Xiao You Ren couldn't dig into it any further.  Having Zhao Yuzi by his side, whenever he had a difficult day, it made Xiao You Ren not feel alone.

 Zhao Yuzi stowed her book into the bag, then stood up and did some muscle stretching.  She looked around and said, "It's getting late, we'd better go. Get some food and then go home, I'm tired of sitting here for hours."

 The girl yawned widely with her palms covered.  Her watery eyes glanced at Xiao You Ren who was also starting to make a move.

 "Come on, I'm hungry too!"  Xiao You Ren walked first towards the parking area, followed by Zhao Yuzi who immediately matched his pace.

 "You Ren, I have a recommendation for a place to eat that is good, cheap, and definitely delicious. It fits into the pockets of employees like us, I heard it's a comfortable place too. How about you, want to try it?"  Zhao Yuzi chirped as the car had already walked away from the park.

 Xiao You Ren didn't answer right away, as much consideration had to be put into Zhao Yuzi's choice. However, he couldn't just trust the restaurant choices that were determined from social media content, especially Zhao Yuzi, who had messed up his dinner with Zheng Liam in the past.

 "Okay, it's settled. We're going down there."  The final decision was taken by Zhao Yuzi while Xiao You Ren was still wrestling in his mind.  It made a heavy sigh be heard and a weak voice followed.  "If in the end you decide, why ask?"  Xiao You Ren glared at the laughter from the seat next to him.

…

Darkness had already covered the sky when they arrived at the parking area of ​​Zhao Yuzi's restaurant of choice. Xiao You Ren's eyes were constantly circling every corner of the place. The lights are flickering, shop signs are displayed in various unique styles that aim to attract customers. Xiao You Ren's eyes narrowed at a sign that was so flashy and quite famous on social media.

 "Yuzi," Xiao You Ren called softly.

 The girl had already walked into the restaurant first.  Xiao You Ren followed and tried to stop Zhao Yuzi's footsteps.  Pulled the girl's little hand before actually entering the restaurant.

 "Yuzi, this is like the Red Light District area?"

 Zhao Yuzi turned around and saw worried expression.  Moved quickly to embrace Xiao You Ren's body and herded forcefully into the building. "Hmm, this is indeed in the Red Light District, why?"  Zhao Yuzi asked indifferently.

 They chose to sit in a corner chair away from the crowd of visitors. Just landing his butt on the chair, Xiao You Ren chided Zhao Yuzi with a question, "Isn't there a lot of crime in this district? Some news reports about drunkards throwing tantrums and injuring their victims. Some even raped them to death."

 Xiao You Ren's face was completely filled with contrasting worry.  The marbles behind the glasses even seem to be starting to dewy.

 "Hey, You Ren! Calm down. I've checked the state of this place, even in the news it's also reported that the rioters have been imprisoned."  A sweet smile spread perfectly on Zhao Yuzi's lips, completely calming Xiao You Ren's heart, though not completely.

 They ordered two servings of food with some other side dishes.  Zhao Yuzi's words about the goodness of this restaurant were true.  The proof is that Xiao You Ren's money did not decrease too much, even though he had eaten until he was full and was satisfied.  They stepped back out of the restaurant and as they walked to the parking lot, Zhao Yuzi suddenly remembered something.  There were items left behind and had to be re-entered.  Tell Xiao You Ren to go back to the car first.

 Xiao You Ren's eyes darted around, looking around before his eyes nailed a girl who had suddenly collapsed on the side of the road.  Without thinking, immediately helped the woman who looked much older.  Took him to the side of the road which was quite dark and tried to find help as he continued walking.  Someone came and helped her, taking the middle-aged woman to a nearby hospital. Xiao You Ren breathed a sigh of relief, then realized that he had gone too far from where he started.  He looked around to think about his whereabouts.  Confused.  That's the best way to describe how he's feeling right now.  Either he walked too far or the road was tortuous.

 Giving up on thinking about such pointless things, Xiao You Ren decided to head back down the street. Entering aisle after aisle until he was really in a strange and dark place.  There was only dim lighting from the slum housing lights.  Xiao You Ren let out a shaky breath and paused for a moment to sink back into his thoughts.  The street was very quiet and flanked by residential buildings.  His shoulders leaned against one of the walls and his hands tried to take the phone out of his pants pocket.  Was about to dial someone's number, but only Zhao Yuzi's name was listed as the number most frequently dialed, and the girl's number was inactive.

 While Xiao You Ren was looking for another possible number to call for help, someone staggered towards him. A bottle of wine perched in the man's palm.  To be honest, there was a feeling of fear creeping up in his heart, but Xiao You Ren tried to remain calm as he took his steps away.  The further he walked, the more sinister the place seemed to him.  A woman's scream suddenly interrupted Xiao You Ren's panic. Although his heart felt uneasy, but he tried to find the origin of the voice.  After all, the scream sounded so pitiful and pitiful, it was simply impossible for Xiao You Ren to just ignore it.  Starting to feel panicked, Xiao You Ren subconsciously dialed a number.

 In the dimness of the night, Xiao You Ren's faint eye caught an indecent sight.  Where some men are playing with a woman.  Truly, Xiao You Ren's heart felt sliced, but there was nothing he could do.  His footsteps slowly moved backwards. With his heart almost exploding, Xiao You Ren tried to run away. Unfortunately, one of his legs accidentally hit something that was thought to be a trash can.  It made quite a loud noise and managed to distract the crowd.  One of them, stared intently at Xiao You Ren, while the other was still busy dealing with the woman.

 "What is this? An uninvited guest came," the man who was focused on Xiao You Ren spoke as he started to take a step closer.

 Xiao You Ren's voice caught in his dry throat.  There was nothing he could do but walk backwards step by step, avoiding that person.

 "Is she a woman? If so bring her here, we can have fun together!"  someone else shouted.

 "Good idea," said the man who walked up to Xiao You Ren and smiled lopsidedly.

 Xiao You Ren was about to turn around and run as fast as he could, away from those bastards.  However, the woman's pitiful scream seemed to hold her back and made Xiao You Ren feel very anxious to save the woman.  Unknowingly, it was this desire that plunged him into a strong grip on the wrist.  Xiao You Ren stuttered, looking doubtfully at the figure of a large man who was now right in front of him.

 "S-sorry," Xiao You Ren stuttered and tried to release the grip on his hand.

 "Oh, it's a boy!"  shouted the man aimed at his comrades.

 Silence at first.  Those people were enjoying the poor woman's body there.  However, one of them shouted, "No problem, he can be submissive!"

 A clear disdainful laugh filled Xiao You Ren's ears.  Hearing the word 'submissive' made him again haunted by excessive fear.  Her hands trembled and her face turned red. Before he could do anything to free himself, the man had already pulled him closer to his comrades.  Xiao You Ren tried to release the grip on his hand and struggled to escape, but all his efforts were in vain.  The power you have is not enough.

 His body was thrown to the ground near a woman who seemed to be crying.  Xiao You Ren's eyes met with the woman's, he could clearly see the desperation displayed.  Not even a minute had they seen each other's eyes, Xiao You Ren's body was turned over again and crashed into the uneven wall.  A soft moan escaped his lips.  The man forcibly tried to kiss his exposed neck after his shirt was forced down.  Xiao You Ren rebelled, even though his body betrayed him.

 Pain as well as pleasure flowed from his legs.  He struggled to dispel the head that was about to perch on his neck.  Causing the boy to be pushed back a little and Xiao You Ren quickly tried to run away.

 "Damn bitch! You like violence you see!"  shouted the man and tried to chase after Xiao You Ren.  One of his comrades helped and grabbed the trembling body and pushed it down.

 The two of them tried to exert dominance over Xiao You Ren who started to shed tears.  However, he did not want to give up and just gave up.  Her beady eyes traced every part of the lane.  The woman's weak legs moved and seemed to be handing something to her.  A bottle of wine. Xiao You Ren glanced at the woman who was muttering silently, "Go!"

 Without thinking, he grabbed the bottle and hit one of the two people who tried to rape him.  The glass bottle shattered and caused quite a lot of blood.  Another man glared at him, who also got scratches from the rest of the broken bottle.  Xiao You Ren ran fast after watching the two people helplessly.  While the other colleagues were busy and surprised at the same time.  One of them tried to chase after Xiao You Ren in a rage.

 Not losing his mind, Xiao You Ren ran into the hallway where he saw another drunkard.  He made a situation like the person who was chasing him was looking for a mess with a drunk person.  Until they got into a fight.

 Xiao You Ren hastily took his steps away and continued walking aimlessly.  No matter where, as long as he can survive those people, Xiao You Ren doesn't care.  However, his memory of that woman was replaying in his mind again.  Xiao You Ren felt immense gratitude and guilt.  He's a man, he should be able to save the poor woman, not the other way around. Moreover, he ran away as if he did not care about the woman's suffering.

 His strength suddenly wears off, he sits down and leans against the cold wall.  Hugging his knees and burying his face between his legs.  The tears of pain broke with the fall of clear grains from the eyelids.  Regrets and negative feelings ran back and forth in his heart.  Xiao You Ren hated himself for being weak and always resigned, waiting for the help of others.

 From far away, he heard footsteps approaching him.  A flashlight pointed at the still unmoved Xiao You Ren.

 "Xiao You Ren!"  The familiar voice interrupted the silence of the night. The summoned turned his head, staring at the figure of the owner of the voice.  Wang Xian Wei walked quickly to Xiao You Ren.

 "S-Sir…" Xiao You Ren whispered with an outstretched hand pointing the other way.  Wang Xian Wei frowned and asked silently.

 "There… there is a woman who needs help."

 Hearing that, the people who came with Wang Xian Wei ran in the direction Xiao You Ren pointed and looked for the woman in question.

 The two of them were left behind in the dim night, which was lit only by a flashlight in Wang Xian Wei's hand. The man tried to help Xiao You Ren to stand up, but was rebuffed by the person concerned.

 "S-Sir…" he whispered again, not daring to look Wang Xian Wei in the eye.

 Seeing Xiao You Ren's behavior, Wang Xian Wei investigated the man's condition.  Pathetic.  That was what came to Wang Xian Wei's mind.  How come?  Disheveled hair, clothes ripped at the neck and dust covered his clothes.

 "What's wrong You Ren?"  Wang Xian Wei's eyes narrowed sharply.

 Xiao You Ren's two legs overlapped in uneasiness.  His thighs were tightly closed and his face was downcast.  All of that could not be separated from the observation of Wang Xian Wei.  Even without being told he could guess it very well. Wang Xian Wei then crouched down in front of Xiao You Ren and grabbed the man's chin, forcing him to come face to face with him.

 "Tell me! What's wrong?"

 The tears in Xiao You Ren's eyes fell again.  His quivering lips struggled to spit out the words.  "Help me," he whispered.

 To be continued….