FIVE

My life changed on September 18th. It would be a day I never forgot. I had dropped Matt off at school and headed into Manhattan. I wanted to get some unique items to add to my work. You can find p in New York City. I took the train, I loved it and it had such a calming effect. I wore a bright sundress, wedges, and a little bit of makeup. I was finally becoming comfortable in my skin again. It had taken a long time, but I started to feel like me again. I got off at canal street, I loved walking around Chinatown. The sounds, the people, and all the stuff. It was amazing, it made me smile. The sun was bright and warm. I shopped and walked for hours; I had found so many amazing things. I walked in no discernable pattern. I went from

Chinatown to the east village then to Soho. I must have spent two hours in SoHo, I loved it. I made my way from Soho through little Italy and into the financial district. I loved how much manhattan was always changing but stayed the same. It was calming, hoping I could be like that. Be who I was before Matt and change, letting go and moving forward. I laughed to myself, that was never going to happen.

I roamed around the financial district, not shopping anymore. I just loved watching people, the architecture, and well pretty much everything. I made my way to the south street seaport; it was one of my favorite spots. I had gone in middle school and loved going whenever I got a chance.

I wasn't in a rush to get home for once, Michael had a play date. He was spending the day with his friend, Abigail. His mom was awesome, she was one of my close's friends. She's the reason I survived when I got back home. She has been my rock even though she didn't even know it. I wasn't worried, I knew Michael was in good hands.

I sat on a bench just enjoying the view. The sun and the breeze felt amazing. I didn't want to leave; I could have stayed there forever. It was one place that reminded me of who I was. That I forgot I was suffocating in debt. That I was broken.

An older gentleman sat on the far side of the bench. I looked over at him, he seemed lost I thought with a hint of sadness about him. I went back to looking at the view, leaving him to his thoughts. I know what it's like to be lost inside yourself. I looked over again and I saw a small tear fall from his cheek. His eyes were extremely distant and glazed over. He was too lost in his thoughts; I had a lot of experience. I cleared my throat and commented on the view. I don't normally talk to people, well not anymore but I knew I had to pull him out of himself. He startled for a moment and looked over at me. He smiled but the sadness was still consuming him. I knew I couldn't help myself, but I could help him. I liked helping people, I always have. I've always had a great understanding of people and body language. I looked at him, his hand resting on the bench like he was holding someone's hand. I instantly knew, his wife, his great love was gone. I looked over at him, "what was her name?". He smiled brightly, "Marian". Then he looked at me questioning, I knew what he was asking, "how did I know?". I replied "you're still holding her hand" I motioned to the bench. He let out a snort. "How long has she been gone?" He grew quiet for a moment, "a little over 12 years". He admitted that he doesn't talk about her much, but he doesn't stop thinking about her. I tell him it's important to talk about her, it keeps her alive and you. He was startled at how brash I was. He sighed defeated, "I have no one to talk to about her, my son it's too hard for him". I think he thought that was the end of the conversation, that I would runoff. I smiled, "well now you do, tell me all about her". We sat for hours, he told me everything about her and so many stories. I enjoyed listening, I've always enjoyed it. I was going to be a psychologist before all this. I saw sparks and twinkles in his eyes. He seemed like he got five years younger after talking about Marian. It was like a weight had been lifted. Every once in a while, he would try to ask me questions, but I insisted we continue to talk about Marian. "That's a story for a different day, more about your lovely wife" I wanted to hear more and quite honestly, I never really likes talking about myself. Now with everything that has happened, I don't think I could. The way he describes her, she was amazing, and I felt like I knew her. The sun was beginning to set, and a cool breeze had blown in. He grew quiet for a moment then he said something I didn't understand "thank you for listening, now what do you want from me?" His tone had changed, his demeanor. I gasped, "I'm sorry, I'm confused. I don't understand what you're asking me?" He narrowed his eyes at me, studying me. I started to feel extremely uncomfortable, and he noticed. "Do you know who I am?" I innocently responded, "Marian's husband?" He let out a laugh that came from deep within. He proceeded to ask me about sitting on a bench with a random stranger for hours and not expect anything in return. I just wanted to help him and try to reduce that weight he had been carrying. I was uncomfortable now and was ready to excuse myself, but he said something that made my heart drop, and I couldn't walk away. "You are so much like my Marian; she would have loved you. Hell, she probably would have set you up with our son. She never meddled in his business; it was her rule but with you. She would have meddled. I just know it" He began laughing so hard. It was so nice to see him laugh so much and let the sadness go. I was glad I could do that. He looked at his watch, I could tell he had somewhere to be. He asked my name, which I gladly gave "Alexa Daniels- I mean Alexa grey". I never greet give information about myself; I was surprised I'd blurted out my whole name even my married name. He went to stand up and I couldn't help but ask his name. "I'm Sebastian Ward" and I replied, "it was nice to meet you Mr. ward". He looked shocked, "you have no idea who I am do you?" I giggled and repeated "Marian's husband". He laughed and said please call me Sebastian, it was nice to meet you too, Ms. Grey" as he walked away.

The train ride home was so comforting, the sway of the train while the Mariachi band went from cart to cart. My brain was racing, I had enjoyed my conversation with Sebastian. He missed his wife so much, maybe there was something I could do. I decided I would make a shadow box to remember her. I remembered he wore an expensive suit and a Rolex with a leather briefcase. He must work in the financial district, maybe a shadow box for his office.