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Dear Readers,

Today's chapter is very special, that's why I chose a song from one of my favorite music groups: "A-ha". I believe that if Armin lived in our modern times, he would definitely listen to them.

The song is called "Crying in the Rain", and you can put it on repeat. Although the song is about crying in the rain and they're at the beach on a sunny day, the lyrics perfectly match Armin's feelings at this moment. I'm gonna leave the lyrics in the final notes, so you can read them ♥

Have a nice reading! 🥰

♦♦♦

Lara sat beside her horse, drinking water. She started looking around, all over the landscape, appreciating it and trying to keep it all in her memory. Then, her eyes landed on the single person who caught her eye: Armin.

The sun was almost touching the line where the water meets the skies, painting everything orange, pink, and purple. He was completely alone, as the other soldiers were in the distance, starting to build a fire and a small camp, so they could all spend the night there. Lara looked in the direction of the camp and saw that Mikasa and Eren were sitting in front of the fire. Mikasa glanced nervously at Eren, as if she wanted to say something, but he ignored her, looking into the fire with a lifeless expression in his eyes.

Lara looked back at Armin, feeling her entire body tingle and butterflies in her stomach. "It's time..." she thought, drawing courage from where she didn't know, standing up and walking towards him.

As she approached Armin, she noticed that he was still holding something in his hands, gazing contemplatively at the horizon, with an expression of serenity and peace. Lara made a mental note to also draw that scene when she gets home.

Feeling the waves covering her feet, Lara went beside him. Her heart was pounding and she clasped her hands at her sides. Armin sensed her presence there and turned to Lara, surprising her, for he was smiling.

For just a second, it felt like nothing had happened between them, and that they had just got back from Shiganshina. Seeing Armin there, surrounded by that pretty sunset, Lara had a completely silly and in-love look on her face, and without meaning to, she let out a sigh. Armin gazed back at the horizon, slowly.

"How are you feeling?" asked Lara, gently.

He remained in silence for a few seconds and then took a deep breath.

"For the first time in a long time, I felt joy today..." his blond hair flew with a soft breeze that passed through them. Lara smiled genuinely, happy he was happy.

Then, Armin turned to her and handed her the thing he had in hands. Curious, Lara inspected the strange object, if she could call it that way.

"What's this?" she asked, looking up at his eyes.

"It's a seashell," replied Armin. "It's like a protection for some marine animals, which hide inside it."

"My mom will go nuts with this," said Lara, and they both chuckled.

Bringing the seashell closer to her face, Lara carefully observed its details. It was white and curly, with a few spines. She then gazed at the sunset ahead of her, with a gleam in her eyes.

"Isn't it the most beautiful thing you've ever seen in your life?" she asked contemplatively. Her hair now was waving with the Ocean breeze.

"Yes... It is..." replied Armin, gazing at her, not referring to the landscape.

Lara turned to him with a sad smile as she held the seashell.

"Armin… Please, we need to talk…"

His expression then turned into deep sadness, making Lara regret for a moment for having started that conversation, for she didn't want to see him like that again. But they had to get that sorted out, once and for all. Armin pressed his lips together, feeling his eyes water.

"There's nothing to be said..."

"How come there isn't?!" exclaimed Lara, widening her eyes. "Armin, for God's sake! What's going on? Why are you so strange with me?" Lara got closer to him, with an expression of pain, "D-Did I do something wrong? Forgive me if I did somethi--"

"It's not your fault!" he cut it short, now his eyes very red, staring deeply at her.

"Then, what is it?" she asked, almost in a whisper, feeling a great affliction rising in her chest. She squeezed his arm affectionately.

Armin covered his face and circled around himself. His chest rose and fell in a nervous breath, and he felt his heart pounding wildly. Then, with an expression of extreme anguish, he looked back at Lara.

"I am..." he tried to look for the words, "Sick."

"Sick?" repeated Lara, quite confused, taking a step back. Then, in an impulse of concern, she leaned towards him, "Have you seen a doctor? What can I do for you?"

To her surprise, Armin began to laugh, but in a sad way.

"It's not really a disease," he replied, closing his eyes and putting his hands together in front of his mouth, biting his own fingers. "It's a... Curse."

Now that Lara was confused, for real. She shook her head, symbolizing that she didn't understand. Then, Armin lowered his head, covering his face. After a few seconds, he lifted it, slowly.

"When I got the Colossal Titan's power, I also got a kind of 'curse'," Armin looked at the horizon. "From the moment I devoured Bertholdt," he said that word with disgust, "and got his Titan's abilities, I just have thirteen more years to live... In fact, it's now twelve, since a year has passed since then... It was Eren who told me, when he was in prison, when we got back from Shiganshina... He also has this 'curse'..."

Lara listened to all this in bewilderment, still shaking her head, but this time, symbolizing denial. She felt tears welling up in her eyes.

"No... It's not possible... There must be a mistake or... Or some way to reverse this..." she said, stepping away from Armin, so she could look at him better.

Thinking that Lara was leaving, Armin took a step forward, stretching his arm, as if he wanted to reach out to her. Armin got closer and, to Lara's surprise, took one of her hands.

"There's nothing to be done..." he replied, with deep, deep anguish. "I've already thought of everything you can imagine and... I just have to accept my fate... There's no way out for me... I'm gonna die in a few years and... That's it... It's over."

Lara wet her lips and closed her eyes, feeling the wind move her hair.

"Armin..." she squeezed his hands, "I feel so sorry for you... I understand how horrible it must be for you," Lara looked at him, "and it hurts me so much to know that you're going through this… Do know that I'll be here for you... But, I still don't understand why you want to keep distance from me... I can help you in some way… But I beg you, tell me, why are you doing this? Why do you wanna stay away from me?"

He then slowly took Lara's face with one of his hands, making her feel a shock all over her body, and gazed at her in such a meaningful way, that in the same instant, Lara understood absolutely everything he meant by that look.

Armin didn't want to give her false hope. What's the point of loving someone who would soon die? Why allow themselves to suffer like this? He was just trying to protect her from getting any more hurt. For a moment, Lara remembered how her parents could also communicate just with their eyes, and wondered if that was something that happened when two people loved each other.

But, when Lara finally processed all that information and understood its meaning, she felt as if her heart had failed and her body weakened. Then, tears began to stream down her face, falling onto Armin's hand, who gently wiped them away with his thumb, caressing Lara's cheek.

"You understand now?" asked Armin, at this moment with tears coming out of his own eyes. "I..." he pressed his lips together, "I don't want you to be like Mikasa..."

Lara shook her head, her eyes wide. She felt the quick pulsing in Armin's hand on her face, and her own heartbeats began to sync with his.

"Just you don't be like Eren!" she replied, with a certain tone of despair in her voice. Armin lowered his head, letting out a big sob of sadness.

Lara covered her mouth, feeling the tears coming down and she couldn't help herself, letting that cry out of her throat. Seeing her cry, Armin also allowed himself to do so more freely.

"I don't want you to miss the opportunity to be happy, because of me..."

"But I'm already unhappy, Armin! Since the day you stopped talking to me normally!" exclaimed Lara, between sobs. "You're making a mistake to stay away like that! It's not fair, especially to you!" she pressed his hands against her face.

Then, Lara decided to play her final card.

"Let's at least continue to be friends," she said, even though she knew that her feelings for Armin were much more than friendship.

"That's the problem, Lara," he replied, looking at her with great sadness, "I can't be just a friend to you anymore..."

Lara felt her jaw tremble and her heart tighten.

"Please..." she whispered, as if begging, "Don't do this..."

Armin looked down, seeing a wave cover his feet. He was feeling dizzy and his body felt very weak. Then, he slowly took Lara's hand again. Armin kissed the top of it with great care and intensity, while a tear fell from his eye, and pressed it against his cheek, as if he wanted to keep that touch in his memory forever. Lara watched that gesture with her heart burning in agony, with sobs still rising in her throat.

"I hope someday you can forgive me," he said, slowly releasing her hand.

In an impulse, Lara clasped their hands together even more, not wanting to let Armin let them go. At that moment, she remembered that she had already seen Hange intertwine her fingers with Levi's, which he seemed to have enjoyed a lot. So, Lara did the same with Armin.

He looked as if he was about to pass out right there, with more tears coming out of his eyes as he watched their intertwined hands. There, they both looked deeply at each other and a breeze passed through their faces, as if it wanted to wipe away their tears.

"Lara..." Armin's voice was of strong pain, as he looked at her, with tears running down his cheeks, "Please, don't do this to me... Don't make me suffer any more..."

Showing that he was feeling intense agony, Armin untangled their fingers while he sobbed. Lara was feeling so weak at that point, she felt no strength in her arm, causing their hands to separate. He then turned, to go far away from everyone. Covering his face, Armin ran.

"Armin..." whispered Lara, staggering, stretching out her arm, wanting to reach him. "Armin... Stay..." she remembered how this word seemed to be part of their vocabulary, just like when he asked her to stay, to fight the Colossal Titan. She felt being in a dream and her heart was pulsing in her ears.

Now, she was the one who was very dizzy. Watching the waves crash against her shins, Lara lost her balance and dropped to her knees on the sand. She felt tears burn her face as they mixed with the waters of the Ocean. Lara pressed the shell that Armin had given her against her chest, bouncing her shoulders as she cried in great misery.

Lara had already had her heart broken by two men. One of them was her father, when he rejected her.

Now, it was Armin.

And their reason was the same: not wanting to allow themselves to be happy, for fearing disappointing her.