The Richman (Book 2) - Vacillating

Ben followed Leah's footsteps and they stopped in an alley. "Honey, if you're still hesitating we can stop now. It's not too late," said Ben.

Leah looked at the man, "But I see you enjoy being in the middle of class, listening to their explanations and . . . " Leah couldn't finish her sentence.

Ben sighed. "All I'm trying to do is make you happy. Since you wanted this surrogacy, I'm following your wishes, I'll support all the steps you want to take because I love you," replied Ben.

Leah took a deep breath. "I really want a baby, but some things scare me." She said honestly.

"Tell me what scares you?" Ben grabbed Leah's face and looked deeply at his wife.

Leah took a deep breath, in a low voice she said, "I invited another woman to our house, I am scared that it will destroy our marriage." said Leah.

Ben looked surprised at his wife's thoughts. "You think I might be tempted?" Ben's brow furrowed at his wife.

"Many factors Ben, she will be close to us, she will interact with our family, and she will spend more than nine months with us, anything could happen," Leah spoke quickly as if the words had been stuck in her throat for a long time and when she lost control of herself they just came out. "She has what I can't give you." The last sentence was spoken by Leah with trembling lips.

Ben let go of his wife's face "You're never ready Leah. There's no point in us coming to this place. You don't even know what you really want." Ben walked away from Leah and returned to the car. Meanwhile, Leah chases after her husband.

Grace, who saw the couple walk away, didn't seem bothered, some of them were like that at first. Some returned after their more mature thoughts on surrogacy and some never returned.

***

Ben and Leah were in the car, they were silent in their own thoughts. There's nothing more to say, Ben already knows what's in his wife's heart as well as her head, and it's disappointing because of the talk, the fight that has been going on for nothing. Leah had never changed, she still couldn't believe his love one hundred percent.

"Sorry. . ." Leah spoke up.

"I don't want to talk about anything," Ben answered quickly.

"You asked me how I felt and I explained it, Ben." Leah looked at Ben.

"And all your explanations hurt me, Leah. As long as we're together, I feel like nothing can make you doubt me anymore. I accept everything about you without exception, and you think I might leave you one day because of another woman. You doubt me." Ben attacks Leah with his words blindly, although to be honest, it's not an attack, just a form of dissatisfaction or disappointment. Ben looks quite angry at Leah's thoughts.

"If I wanted to, I would have done it a long time ago. I would not choose to marry you. I can live as freely as I want. But I chose you, I chose to marry you, and over the past five years, as long as I am married to you, is it have you ever caught me cheating on you, lying to you, or anything else that made you deserve to doubt me?" Ben glanced sharply at Leah, his eyes literally burning with anger while Leah didn't dare look at him.

"Being me isn't easy either," Leah said in a shaky voice. "Among the whole family, I am the most different. You can comfortably do many things because you have good social status, you have a lot of money, and I, I don't have any of that." Leah added.

"I feel bad whenever I'm with you and your friends or your social circle, especially when they ask me about the kids. Aren't you guys planning on having a baby or something like that? It's hurt me a lot, because they know that you want a baby." Leah started to cry when she said that. "When everyone compares me to your sister Adrianna..." said Leah, she couldn't finish her sentence.

"I feel like I'm not part of your family." She added, "I feel bad and unworthy, all the time, whenever I'm with you, or with your family."

Ben pulled the car over and now with the engine off, Leah was crying beside him. And now Ben chose to get out of the car and get some fresh air outside, while Leah was crying in her car.

In some households, the problem of children is indeed complicated. Maybe even in the early years, often trigger fights between husband and wife until they forget that they chose each other not only because of children, but more than that, they love each other.

And that's what Leah and Ben are now experiencing, this fifth year being a critical year in their household. Not only about children, Leah seems to be experiencing a crisis of self-confidence to the point that she always considers her shortcomings as her absolute shortcomings.

"This is America, people are free to marry or not let alone have children or not. Nobody questions such personal matters. It just goes through your head." Denied Ben.

"From the way they looked at me and Adrianna, it was as if they were comparing us." Reply to Leah.

"You and Adrianna can't be compared. You both are different. And the choice to have children or not is a very personal thing, they won't ask you about that." Ben replied annoyed. "Having children is what you want, you compare yourself to Adrianna and it makes you feel bad standing beside her." Ben looked at Leah angrily.

"No one dares to judge you lower than any of other family members. You're my wife, part of the family equally." Ben added. He took a deep breath and at that time Leah was crying.

"I'm sorry." She said. "I don't know how to deal with myself. I love you, and I couldn't imagine that one day I could lose you for any reason." Leah said what's on her mind. "I looked at the surrogation candidate, they are very young, smart, talented, and it makes me insecure." She added in the middle of her tears.

Ben rubbed his wife, "I choose you over any women in this world. Don't care how beautiful, smart and talented they are, I chose you over them all. I married you Leah Wisley, and I will never leave you for any reason." Ben said those words firmly even though heard smooth.