Breathe

"Of course you take his side," Tiffany huffs. And with that she picks up the remains of her lunch and storms off.

I don't realize my hands are shaking until David gathers them up in his. He brings my fingers close to his face and kisses them lightly. But, I'm only vaguely aware of my surroundings and his soft touch feels like an iron cage.

I feel so trapped. Trapped by responsibility, trapped by guilt, trapped by love.

My friends surround me, trying to reassure me, but their concern feels claustrophobic and suffocating.

"She was way out of line," Ellie is saying. But she is right, I am using him.

"I think that jealous bitch has finally lost it," Taylor adds. I'm the one who's lost it. Why can't I just be happy?

"I don't feel like you're using me, you know that, right darling? I know we love each other," David says. Why can't I love you back? Why am I so selfish?

I feel hot and cold at the same time. The sound of blood rushing pounds in my ears, drowning everything else out. My chest tightens uncomfortably.

It's all too much. Just too much.

My vision darkens as I try to catch my breath.

"I- I need to- go," I stammer. Without thinking twice I push off David's hands and rush out of the cafeteria, worried eyes following me. I don't look back as I pick up speed towards the building's exit. I need to be outside. Free. Away from the claustrophobic halls of school.

I run until I hit the tree line behind the school. I stumble over rocks and branches, the itch to shift almost overwhelming. I strip as I stumble through the forest. No clear destination. I just need to get away.

Can't think.

Can't stop.

I leave a trail of clothes behind me, not caring.

The moment I'm bare, my shift washes over me. It's so quick, I'm left lightheaded and nauseous. I try to run, but my breathing is too ragged, my mind fuzzy even in my wolf form.

A stab in my chest causes me to double over in pain. I fall on my side, pathetically gasping and whining, tears streaming down my face.

My human thoughts and my wolf instincts are obstructed by total darkness. It fills my mind, shoving my consciousness into the basement. I can't feel anything. Can't hear anything. Can't see anything. Only the looming blackness which grips me, squeezes me, until there is nothing left except overwhelming fear.

I can't move.

I can't breathe.

I'm going to die.

Then I feel something.

A warm hand on my fur, stroking my exposed stomach so softly I must be imaging it. I gasp and the scent of lavender mixed with rain fills my snout, tickling my senses awake.

"Breathe Cameron." The voice is firm and clear. It cuts through the chains gripping my mind and for a moment I feel as if the world is frozen.

Then, a single thought pierces through the oppressive blackness. Breathe.

I take a deep gulping gasp.

"That's it. Just breathe."

White heat evaporates my panic and a profound stillness washes away my spiraling thoughts. I take another deep breath.

"Slow and steady. With me. Breathe with me."

The hand cards through my fur as my mind is filled with an image of a wave slowly waxing and waning against a white beach. The hand and wave seem to keep time, trying to direct the expanse and release of my lungs. I follow the rhythm as best I can, my short, fast breaths out of sync at first. But the calm is as oppressive as the fear and eventually my breaths become deeper and steadier, yielding to the pace set by the ocean waves in my mind and the gentle pets on my fur. Slowly, the tightness in my chest dissipates and I can feel the tension leave my body completely.

My senses slowly return to me: the sounds of birds chirping, the uneven forest floor beneath me, the scent of lavender, but my mind remains suspended in comfortable warmth. I feel like I'm floating as I blink my eyes open and my vision clears.

Alastair is crouching beside me. His brows are furrowed in concentration, sweat beads are collecting on his forehead, and his eyes shine with vivid lavender light. He looks like he is in pain, holding on by barely a thread.

Concern pierces through my daze. I quickly shift, letting the comfort of my wolf form melt away into my human one. As soon as the transformation is complete, I gather Alastair's hands in mine. "Hey, stop!" I practically shout. "You can stop now." Alastair collapses into my chest, releasing his magic. "It's ok. I'm ok now."

I feel him shutter against me and I tentatively reach up my hand to stroke his hair, trying to calm him. Alastair relaxes further into me and I pull him close, slowly carding his long black locks.

I'm not sure how long we sit there like that, but I don't care. I am obsessed with the feeling of him in my arms. When I look down at Alastair, I am surprised to find him sleeping peacefully against me. He is also holding my discarded clothing close to his chest and I flush realizing I'm still very much naked. Oh well.

My thoughts slowly return to me as he snoozes, but whatever Alastair did left this pleasant haze behind and my concerns seem distant and unimportant right now.

Lunch is certainly over at this point and now I'm cutting history. What a shame.

I broke my promise to Mom and David and ran off again. Oh well. They don't need to know I left campus.

I disrespected my future Alpha and mate in front of Tiffany and soon the whole pack will know. I'll make up with David later and the pack already disapproves of me. What's new?

On Sunday my whole life could completely change or I could be trapped forever in a loveless relationship perpetually feeling guilty until I compromise everything I want and believe in...

No, don't think like that. Whatever happens on Sunday is the Moon Goddess' will and her plan will make me the happiest I possibly can be. The grass is not greener on the other side and I will trust in the Moon Path.

I'm naked in a field with a very attractive warlock sleeping in my lap. Best not to think too much about that.