A tight hug suffocates me. "Cam?! What happened?"
"Cammy! Thank Goddess you are alright!" A soft kiss on my forehead.
"Where's Al and Addy?"
A shake of my head.
"They canceled the rest of the game."
"Cam, what happened?"
What happened? No, don't think.
"Ca— can we go home?"
"Sure, love. I'll take you both."
I look away from the circle of adults still in the parking lot. I look away from the destroyed cars and lamp posts. Most of all I look away from the faces of Ellie and David. Everywhere I look is evidence of what happened. It screams at me. So I keep my eyes on the ground. The ground is uneven, cracked. Damn. I squeeze my eyes shut, but keep walking.
I don't open them again until I'm sure we are far away from the school. That's a mistake. Outside the car window, I see the coven mansion.
Tears finally break free from my eyes, spilling down my face. Why? Why did this happen? Why now? Why Addy? Even tempered, quick-witted Addy. Addy: Alastair's—
Alastair. Starlight. Why did this have to happen to him? Alastair who only ever tried to understand others. Alastair who apologized to fucking bullies! Alastair who saved me again and again.
Why couldn't I help him? Why when he needed me was I so helpless? Why did he reject me? Why didn't he want me? My chest tightens. A knife stabs my heart, twisting and wrenching.
I rush out of the car as soon as the engine is cut.
"Cammy, wait!"
I can't stop the tears, but I don't feel sad. I feel angry. I slam my bedroom door.
Is this my punishment? That must be it. If we hadn't gone to the game together none of this would have ever happened. The Moon Goddess is punishing me for liking him. For associating with "sluts". For not following the fucking Moon Path!
Restless, I pace.
Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!
The Moon Goddess let this happen. Couldn't She have stopped this? She good as killed her. And for fucking what?! To send me a message? Well message fucking received! I am not made to be happy.
I grab my pillow, shove my face into it, and scream.
I scream into the soft fabric until the lack of oxygen makes my mind pleasantly dizzy. I collapse to my bed, momentarily empty.
Just why? Why am I so useless? So broken. Why can't I do anything right? Why would the Moon Goddess make me this way and then torture me with it?
Pain eats at me, and I let it fester. Hot, angry tears wet my pillow and sheets. I let it out until I feel completely dry, and this time the emptiness lingers long enough for a dreamless sleep to consume me.