Why

Why?

That's the first thought of my birthday.

Why sun?

Why today?

Why now?

Why Goddess?

Why Addy?

An image of a domineering wolf flicks through my mind. Could it be? Before the thought fully forms, I hear a soft knock at my door.

"Cameron?" Dad peeks his head into the room. I cover my face, trying to block everything out, but he is not deterred. I hear his soft footsteps and then feel a gentle hand on my back. "Cameron, I'm so sorry."

"Why?" I bitterly echo my thoughts. "You didn't do anything wrong." Not like I did.

"Perhaps not, but as a parent, it is my job to protect you. Yesterday I failed you. No one should have to see what you did."

A tinge pricks my heart. I sniff back the tears, not wanting to cry again. "Dad?"

He opens his arms, and I accept the comforting warmth of my father's embrace. "Dad—" I stop again. I nibble on the inside of my cheek, holding back what I want to ask.

"It's ok, son. You know you can tell me anything."

I nod. "Why— why did this happen?"

"I don't have a good answer for you, bud. Sometimes bad things just happen to good people. Even from my brief interaction with her, she seemed like a really incredible young woman."

"Yeah, she was," I mumble, "but I'm not."

"What do you mean by that? Of course you are! You are my intelligent, good-hearted son and exactly sixteen years ago today was the best moment of my life. The moment you were born, I knew you were going to do great things, and I am so proud of the man you have become."

I can feel the tears falling now, but I don't care. "You don't know the real me."

"What do you mean?"

"What if— what if I'm being punished? What if this is all my fault? If I hadn't agreed to take Addy to the football game, she might still be alive. Or if I hadn't gone looking for Al that day in the library, I would have never even met her."

"Listen very carefully to me Cam. This is not your fault. The only person responsible for her death is the monster that killed her. You are not to blame."

"But if I could have just fought my own battles and stood up to those bullies myself, then she wouldn't have—"

"Bullies?" Dad interrupts. When I don't immediately answer, he probs, "Cam, what are you talking about?"

"Just— just, um… there were these wolves at the game and one of them… And Addy.... I don't know." The flow of tears increases as I remember what happened. "She was just trying to protect me!"

My father's expression darkens. "Cam… did she attack someone with magic?"

I swallow, wanting to look anywhere but at him, but he holds my gaze with his iron eyes. "He was being a chauvinistic ass and she… sucked the air out of his lungs? I think she was just trying to silence him, but then he threatened her and— Do you— do you think?"

I can't finish the thought. A storm is brewing above my father's head, his usually suppressed alpha pheromones leaking into the air. My father never gets angry—never releases pheromones—so I sometimes forget he is actually a powerful dominate wolf, worthy of his position as the Alpha's second in command. The strength of his reaction unsettles me, and I pull away slightly. He must sense my fright, because his eyes soften immediately.

"Cam, I'm not upset with you. You didn't do anything wrong. It's just— If you know who might have—" He takes a deep breath. "I know this is going to be hard for you, son, and I hate to ask this of you, but I need you to talk to Alpha Edmund about this. He is downstairs. He came by this morning to ask about what you saw."

My throat tightens, but I nod mutely.

"Get dressed, and I'll meet you downstairs. Mom is making your favorite."

"Eggs Benedict?"

"No? French toast."

"Oh. Yeah." He pats my thigh and gets up to leave. "Dad? Wait."

He pauses. "Yeah, bud?"

"Yesterday… I think I messed up. And now— now I'm not sure if— if Alastair will ever talk to me again."

"Oh Cammy, I'm sure whatever you did wasn't on purpose. Everyone grieves in their own way and at their own pace. Just give your friend some time, and I'm sure you will be able to work it out."

I wasn't so sure about that. He didn't see Alastair's expression yesterday. The rage. The pain. Besides, time wasn't something I had the luxury of anymore. Today, our time was finally up.