Better

"You really do seem happier lately," Ellie tells me as we walk home after Luna training.

It's a beautiful start to the weekend on the first day of October: clear skies and temperate weather. The comfortable smells of the forest surround our little village and the familiar sounds of pack life fill the air. As we walk down the boulevard through the center of pack lands, we pass children riding bikes in the streets, neighbors sitting on their porches enjoying cool drinks, and a couple of teen wolves wrestling in the grass.

Occasionally, someone will call or howl to Ellie, greeting her, but nobody greets me. She stops to talk to several people, prattling away about Ashley's baby shower next week or the official first game of the supervaristy football tournament in two weeks. I stand back, waiting patiently for her to finish all of her conversations. No one addresses me or asks me any questions. Even the children seem to have learned to keep their distance from me.

I don't much care about everyone else ignoring me, but it cuts a little to know they probably told their kids to stay away from me too. Even if I'm not jazzed about mating and getting pregnant right now, I actually like children. Unlike most adults, they are pretty accepting and laugh at all my cheesy jokes… kind of like Star.

Star. I smile at the thought of him. Of course, my sister notices my silly grin. "Does it have something to do with why you missed lunch today and tutoring a certain warlock?" she nudges.

I feel the heat rise to my cheeks. "Yeah," I admit. "We got talking, and I lost track of time."

My sister smiles at me, but then frowns, drawing up close to me as we walk to talk more privately. "I'm glad you are doing better and you two were able to work things out after… you know," she whispers. I nod, but she doesn't seem quite done with what she wants to say. "But—" Here it comes. "That wasn't very careful of you to miss lunch. What are you going to tell Davy?"

I shrug. "Same thing I told Taylor when he asked me about it during history. I'm tutoring a student from precalculus and the only time we can meet is during lunch, because I have Luna training after school. Also, I'll probably start eating lunches with Alastair everyday, if you don't mind."

Ellie sighs as she pushes open the front door to our empty house. Mom must be out running errands. "I guess that works."

I furrow my brows in frustration. I'm so over hiding myself and the things I want. "Honestly though, I'm not sure if it is as big of a deal as you are making it seem, Ellie. So what if I'm friends with a warlock?"

"Trust me, Cam, it's a big deal. I know you have been in your own head a lot this past month, but things are changing, and not for the better."

I frown at my sister as we get comfortable in her bedroom. "I mean, I've noticed a few things from doing the budget…" I trail off, thinking how much business we did with the coven two months ago compared to last month.

"That's just the tip of the iceberg. For example, Kevin—I just heard from Mrs. Nolan—he was let go from his job at the Tea Emporium, and Mr. Nolan was asked to leave Charming Candles while shopping yesterday."

"But why does any of that affect my friendship with Alastair? If anything, it's more important than ever that we foster good relationships with the coven," I reason. Bouncing this idea off of Ellie first will help me build a defense in case Mom does find out how much time I've been spending with Alastair.

My sister scoffs as she prepares to tear through my paperthin argument. "When you were actually preparing to be the Luna, fostering relations with the future High Priest made sense. Inviting him to eat lunch with the pack and to watch Davy's football game could have led to him and Davy eventually becoming friends. But now? If you, as an unmated, omega are found alone with a warlock…"

I sigh, resigned. She, unfortunately, is right. "I get it. People could get the wrong impression." Or the right one, which would be bad for me.

"I know it isn't fair, bro, and I don't think it is right, but the whole pack is looking for any excuse to retaliate against the coven for banning us from their businesses in town, and Mom barely trusts you as it is to go to school with humans and witches."

I groan, rubbing my face with my hands. "Yeah, she told me last week I was being 'corrupted' and 'brainwashed' by hippy liberals."

Ellie grimaces. "Well, you haven't been the most vocal in the past about your beliefs. I think she is just responding to the sudden flip in your behavior."

"Or she is just now realizing that her attempt to brainwash me was a waste of sixteen years." I mutter bitterly. "So now, she's trying to get the Luna to brainwash me."

"Well, that's why I'm there," Ellie says gently. "To make sure you don't let her walk all over you again."

She grins and I smack her arm lightly. "Hey!" I huff, acting affronted. "I'm doing a lot better these days at standing up for myself. You are the one who is encouraging me to hide my friendship with Alastair!"

"Well, obviously. I don't want to lose my best friend just because he is stupid enough to get exiled for an 'inappropriate relationship' with a warlock."

I tense at the mention of being exiled and becoming a rogue. Would they actually exile me? Give up on me completely? Or just restrict my life even more? Both options make my pulse rush and my chest squeeze in fear.

"Hey, sorry." My sister is by my side in seconds, rubbing soothing circles into my back. "I was just kidding. I don't actually think the Alpha would exile you just for hanging out with him." I nod, trying to calm my breathing before it spirals out of control. "It's not like you're sleeping with the guy."

"Ha," A shaky laugh tumbles out with my next exhale. Right, it's not like Star and I could ever have a real relationship. Even if he eventually decided he was ready to be in one, we would have to hide indefinitely, something I'm not sure he is willing to do.

Witches don't hide. They love openly and freely.

Could we ever be public? Or would I just be exiled for being in a relationship with a non-werewolf? Could I risk even telling Ellie? She still doesn't know. She doesn't even suspect. Even Davy suspected I found Star attractive, his raging jealousy driving him to the right conclusion for once. But my own sister...

Oh shit, Davy knows. No. No. Don't think like that. But what if he found out I was spending time with Star? Unlike my sister who thinks nothing of it, he would know. He would… I shudder, my breaths coming more rapidly.

He would tell his dad, who would surely exile me.

He would tell my mom, who would pull me from school.

He would blame Star.

He would hurt Star.

Star. My chest squeezes even tighter, and a few loose tears are pulled by gravity from my eyes.

Shit. I'm supposed to be calm, for his sake. I can do this. I won't let fear control me, anymore. I focus on my sister's hand, still soothing me. She is saying something, but it's not reaching me through the fog of my thoughts. So, I try to reason with myself, practicing being rational, instead of extreme.

First, Davy wouldn't hurt Star. He couldn't. Star is too powerful. Besides, Davy is the one who was joking about me finding Star attractive. He's over me, right? Maybe he would be cool with it.

If Davy found out I was in a relationship with Star after he became Alpha, he wouldn't exile me? Right? He wouldn't be as cruel as his father. He loves me. Or at least still cares about me.

I suppose at that point, I would be an adult, in college or maybe working a normal human job. Maybe I could survive in the human world. It would be lonely and I'm not sure I still wouldn't go insane being separated from my pack, but if I was with Star maybe it would be alright. Ellie could still visit me, right? If I wasn't a feral wolf, I could be happy. Maybe even happier than I am in the pack. They all ignore me anyways, would it really be that much different?

As I steady myself, my sister's concerned voice comes back to me. "—sorry. I didn't mean to make you stressed. It's going to be ok. Everyone cares about you. No one is going to hurt you."

"I—I'm ok now." I say hoarsely.

"Cam?" I meet her gaze and we take a deep breath together. And then another. I smile at her weakly and she tentatively smiles back.

"Oh thank goddess!" She sighs, obviously relieved. Then she is pulling me into a fierce hug. "I thought I'd lost you for a minute there."

"You almost did." I laugh. Ellie draws back, surprised. When I smile a little wider, she blinks, long and slowly.

"You really are doing better." She says.

I nod. "Yeah, I guess I am. Alastair helps me. He's a good friend."

She purses her lips, considering my words. "You know what? If he means that much to you, I'm going to make it my personal mission to protect your friendship."

I chuckle. "Thanks, Ellie, but—"

"No, no. No buts. This is my vow: I, Eleanor Jean Berkley the third—"

"No one else is named—"

"—solemnly swear—"

"Seriously? You're being dra—"

"—to make my big brother happy, forever."

"Oh." I flush, a genuine smile spreading from my mouth, to my eyes, and then down to my still sore chest. My heart swells a little, pleasant after it's recent crushing. "Thanks, Ellie. You're the best."

"Hmm... I thought we already established that you are the best."

"Even if I'm a single loser who will never be Luna and fraternizes with witches?"

"Well, we can't all be as perfect as you, so maybe don't go around flaunting your accomplishments like that."

I laugh. "I beg your forgiveness, madam. I'll endeavor to be more humble in the future." I joke in mock haughtiness.

She gives me a flat stare.

"Hey, don't look at me like that! You're the one who started with the melodrama!"

She smiles and then cracks. After we've shared a good laugh, we spend the rest of the evening lazing about. We talk about school, volleyball, and the upcoming homecoming dance. I agree to go shopping this weekend for a dress with her and the conversation about dancing segues into listening to new music together. She shares with me her dream homecoming playlist and I whip out a few songs I've heard for the first time from Star.

It's a glorious Friday night, spent with one of my favorite people in the world, but I can't shake the desire to be somewhere else—with someone else.