CHAPTER 7

Blake, Jo, and Olly come out their front door looking polished and ready to party. Olly wears a comically large stuffed dick, Blake carries a six-pack of beers, "You can't go wrong with booze," Blake thought, "screw what the woman says about monetizing all gifts."

Joanna carries an envelope stuffed with cash; Well, 1 dollar bills, twenty-five of them. Joanna thinks it's a nice touch. And she had to get to the bank to get that many 1 buck bills, but it'll look good in an envelope. Well, before Abie opened and leafed through it. "But if she doesn't think it's good enough," Joanna thinks, "then that's her problem. After all, there was a time the bitch was a major threat to my safety, and a major compromise to my piece of mind. But she apologized, and we're cool now and actually care a great deal about each other. Isn't reasonableness great?" Abie's front door is open for invitees, and the music booming out of it is cool and danceable, the woman has great taste in music. Blake and co head into the door. The house is packed, and the party's in full swing. The partiers are really attractive people in the prime of their lives. There's so much energy in here, you can't help but want to mingle and have fun. "Now this is what I'm talking about," says Joanna, moving her body to the music. Abie finds them, she's wearing a beautifully tailored, low-cut mini dress that makes Blake quickly register in his head to get a grip on himself, before he stares too much or acts dumb and gets flak from Joanna. Joanna's an excellent nagger. It's not just about getting her point across, or venting her anger, but also about bringing up all other blunders you've made in your life, making you cringe, giving you a headache and nightmares, spoiling your week essentially. And Blake would rather not go down that road again. The first time, was when he in fact forgot her birthday while remembering that of a colleague, just a week before. Joanna unleashed a horror of bitterness, snub, and indifference. Blake happens to be a lady-clinger, he always needs the tender loving care of a woman to keep him kempt, and to get him laid every other day to keep him from losing his mind. Joanna totally deprived him of this for two weeks, and he went on looking like trash through out that period. So now, he'd better focus and not get carried away ogling another woman, especially his ex, and the same woman that actually threatened and assaulted the woman that has a right to be offended about him ogling other women. It'd be wrong on so many levels, and he knows he has to focus and keep himself from ogling. Or at least, keep it subtle.

"Hey, guys," Abie excitedly hails.

"Happy birthday, Abie!" They cheer in unison.

"Awn!" says Abie as she cheek-kisses with them, "thanks a lot, guys, means the world to me you came."

"We wouldn't miss it for the world, Abs," says Olly, "Cool party."

Blake and Jo nod agreement, "Yeah awesome party, Abs"

"Thanks, guys." She now faces Olly, fondling his torso, and grabbing hold of his comically large stuffed cock, "Of course you wouldn't miss it for the world, big boy!" Olly holds a shy smile. "Where are my presents?"

"Presenting…" says Blake, "ta ta tata!" He raises the six-pack.

"Awn, thanks Blakie," Abie takes it and sets it on the floor. "Booze is great, and I can't enough, but you know I said to monetize all gifts, so you still owe me money."

"Of course I do Abs, first thing when I get hold of some cash."

"You betcha," says Abie.

Joanna subtly rolls her eyes. She then hands Abie the envelope of cash, "Here you go, Abs."

"Now we talking," Abie smilingly takes the envelope.

"From both of us," Blake adds.

"No, it isn't," Abie and Joanna say in unison.

Abie opens the envelope, skimming the cash, "Wow, This is excellent. Thanks, Jo." She now faces Olly, "Well, what d'you have for me, my good man?"

"Brought my A-game." Olly smiles, swinging his stuffed dick from side to side.

Everyone laughs. Abie takes hold of the stuffed cock, and starts stroking it, "Well you better save your energy, cuz it's gonna be a wild one."

"Just how I like it," says Olly, despite the fact that he now wonders if he's taken this whole thing with Abie too far. "This is Abie, for Christ sakes," He thinks, "Can you handle her? Can you handle the wildness? Can you handle the pressure? Can you take the discipline? Abie isn't the kinda woman you can walk out on for just any old reason. In fact, I don't think you could ever walk out on her, she walks out on you, Olly boy. Am I falling into some trap here? Is this some kinda clever scheme of hers to get me tied up? Hmm." But then he tells himself to just loosen up and enjoy life. After all, Abie, deep down is really a reasonable chick. And she's really attractive and appealing these days. So, why not just go with the flow, and appreciate all the good coming your way these days. After all, God's Plan TV's gonna make him stinky-rich, and he's gonna need a girl to spend all that money on. "And I better not blab my mouth to her about God's Plan TV just yet. I gotta really register not to do that. Don't do it, Olly boy!"

"Happy birthday to you too," says Abie, still fondling the stuffed cock.

"My happiest birthday ever," Olly smiles.

"Can't imagine how not."

"Oh, get a room," says Joanna.

"All in good time … all in good time." She now motions to Blake and Joanna, "You guys go mingle and have fun. I'm gonna go restock the bar." She motions to Blake's six-pack of beers she set on the floor, "You guys help yourself to some beer, and you can get the really hard stuff at the bar." And with good ol' Abie, there has to be some narcotic available.

"Kay kay," says Blake and Joanna, and Blake stoops down, taking two beers from the six-pack, and handing one to Jo.

"Olly," says Abie, "you're coming with me, we gotta stick together, this place is crawling with man eaters." She takes him by the comically large cock, and they head to the bar.

"Well, I'd rather not be eaten by strangers who may not know how to do it exactly right."

"Of course you won't," says Abie. "How's your TV?"

"What?"

" 'Said, how's your TV? You came here last…"

"Oh! Oh!" Olly realizes. For a moment there, he was wondering how she knew about God's Plan TV. "It's back to normal now, thanks. It was the weather."

"Great."

Blake and Joanna look the party over, swaying their bodies to the music. "How come I hardly know any of these people?," says Blake.

"Well, you said it yourself, Abie's a spook."

"Shhh!" Blake hysterically shushes Joanna, then speaks quietly "it's not the kinda thing you'd wanna be saying in a spook's house."

"Shhh!" Joanna returns the favor. "You're making it worse." She smiles. And just then, she startles; Someone has just helped themself to her sumptuous behind, really taking a good squeeze; a handful. The startled Joanna snaps around, and there, is some stranger of a really hunky guy, looks in his early forties. He just gazes innocently back at her, not paying the slightest attention to the man she's obviously with, Blake, who himself saw the ass-grab, and is still processing it's meanings and ramifications in his head.

Joanna, being an intelligent, considerate person decides it all could be a mistake. "I'm sorry, do I know you?" she asks.

"I'm Derek," says the hunky guy, casually.

"Sorry, doesn't ring a bell," says Joanna, "you have the wrong chick."

"Naw!" says Derek, "you're just right, can I get you a drink,-" Of course, Joanna already has a beer in hand, but Derek is the kind of guy that'll roofie a pretty woman's drink before handing it to her. He continues, "and then get us a room?"

Blake's seen enough, but he knows he'd better not do anything rash here, so he just puts a warning hand on Derek's big, hunky chest, "Back off, man, she's with me."

Derek swipes off Blake's hand, lunging at him, eyeballing, pissed. He's by far the bigger, stronger man, and that gives him adequate comfort. He pokes Blake in the chest as he speaks, "I wasn't talking to you. And even if she's with you, we can still make it work, no one has to be greedy here." He now puts a hand on Joanna's shoulder, "Ain't that right, baby?" And just then, Blake clobbers him hard in the gut and he goes down, holding onto his stomach, breathless, traumatized. Blake's a good punch. It's quite a while before Derek's able to gasp for air, and it a long, loud, hoarse gasp, and his eyes are red and watery. Abie comes into the scene and immediately understands what's transpired. Derek's her cousin from San Diego, and she's known him all too well from day one. He's been on the federal sex offender registry since age 9, and since then, in and out of lock up so many times, they may have as well have just given him a straight Twenty-five year sentence. At this point, he really tries not to go back to jail, but not by suppressing his urges.

"Derek," Abie scolds, "for Christ sakes, it's my goddamned birthday, can't you just be cool for once?"

"I ain't do nothing," he tries to catch his breath.

"I'm sorry," Abie says to Joanna and Blake, "he's just my dumbass cousin from outta town."

"It's fine, Abs," says Joanna, "He ought to have learned his lesson."

"He definitely has," says Abie, despite knowing for a fact that 'not a chance.' She now faces Derek, who still lays on the floor, getting back his bearings, and catching his breath. "This is the kinda stuff that'll get you right back in jail, and this time they'll make sure you learn a hard, painful lesson. That'll serve you right, I think, it's high-time for just that."

"I ain't do nothing," He raises an arm to her, "Help me up."

"Not until you apologized to my friends here."

"Yep, I ain't surprised." Joanna thinks, "this creep just grabbed my ass, and you think there exists a condition where it'll be okay to give him a hand up. And I just gave this bitch twenty-five dollars for this shit. Of course, she'd like it if just any stranger grabs her ass. You're not supposed to like everything about it."

"Fine," says Derek, facing Blake "I'm sorry I grabbed your girl's ass, and was moving to squeeze her tits." He raises his arm to Abie again, "Now will you help me up?"

Abie takes his hand and begins pulling him up, then purposely lets go of him halfway, and he falls back on his ass. "You call pull your dumbass up yourself." This allays Joanna's disappoint, and she makes a hint of a smile. Derek strugglingly pulls himself up; It's funny. Hunky guy like that, you'd think he'd do a kung-fu stand-up or something, but Derek so much drags ass before getting on his feet. Then you realize, 'The bastard's just drunk.' And this comes as quite a disappointment to Blake, who's been giving himself props for dropping such a ripped, strong guy; except the guy was just wasted off his ass; and Blake sighs. Derek staggers away.

"I'm really sorry about this, guys," says Abie, "I dunno why I invited this career sex offender to my home. I thought I'd try and be positive, you know, try and bring out the humanity in him, but some people just can't comport."

"It's okay, Abs," says Joanna, "I have perv cousins too. One time, I actually caught three of them in bed."

"My God!" says Abie, somewhat feigning. Such things as cousin relations are not such a taboo to her. The woman likes what she likes.

"Boy, I wish I was there," says Blake, smiling, "Now, I have to invite your cousins over."

"At least, you can have my cousins over cuz none of them are convicted serial killers like yours."

"You have a serial killer cousin?" Abie asks.

"Don't we all?" says Blake, "I mean come on, it doesn't have to run in the family."

"How many did he killed?" Abie asks

"Nine. It's funny, he started out a hit man, then he got hooked on the killing. What a psycho."

"People really are sick, man," says Abie.

"Tell me about it," says Joanna, "And Blake's cousin for that matter, the man I share a bed with. And someone becoming a serial killer may take nothing more than something snapping in their mind, something they might share with family, and Blake right here happens to be family with one. That doesn't help my peace of mind."

"Come on, Blake's more likely to become the tooth fairy, than any kind of killer, let alone, serial."

"I'll like to agree with you, Abie," says Blake, "but I can't say I ain't had urges," He wraps a hand around Joanna's neck, mock-strangling her. They chuckle.

Olly appears with his stuffed cock, and a soda in hand. "Hey guys, this party's insane. These people will stop at nothing to grab my rod, both of 'em."

"Trust me, Olly," says Abie, "you don't wanna get with no one here, they'll only get you in trouble."

"Come on, if they're your friends, then I think I can handle 'em, thank you very much."

"Well if you say so," says Abie, "just don't come crying back to me when you wake up in a world where you've lost everything you own, and for some reason, the cops are after you with everything they got."

"Then I'll be keeping my distance. Thank you very much."

"Have you guys had anything to eat?" Abie asks, "There are hors d'oeuvres in the kitchen."

Joanna sees some partiers playing beer pong. "All in good time, my friend. For now," she motions to the game in play, "we play beer pong."

"I dunno, Jo," says Blake, "I don't have any money to gamble." Blake considers the fact that he's now unemployed, and God's-Plan-dot-com isn't yet set in stone, it'll need a little time to promote itself. He needs to optimize the little buck he still has, not blowing it on a dumb chance that he could grow it … or lose it.

Joanna drags Blake as she leads them on to go join in the game, "Not everything has to be about money, silly." They get to the game, shaking hands and making small talk with other players and partiers. Then, it's Joanna turn to toss the ball just when there's only one cup left to score, and she scores, and the room erupts with cheers.

Hours later, the party's died down, and only a few guests remain, including Blake, Joanna, Olly, and even Derek. As bad as he may be; family's family. They're sat in conference, chatting. Abie and Olly are nicely cuddled up. The room is misty as some of the guests smoke joints. The music is low and relaxed.

"I'm telling you, man," says Derek, "you look really familiar," He thinks he's met the man somewhere before. It's just, he can't place it. Or could it be a look-alike? But a look-alike to whom?

"I don't recall," says Donald, "Big guy like you gotta be hard to forget."

"True, I am hard to forget. But if I told you my name, it may ring a bell. I'm Derek."

"Dirk. I know a Dirk, but you're a different physique. Way different. The Dirk I know's rather petite."

"Dirk? I didn't say 'Dirk,' dude, I said De-rek."

"Oh. I don't know any Derek."

"And you are?" Derek asks.

Donald's starting to feel like Derek's hitting on him, this pleases him. "I'm Donald."

"Well I know a Donald, or knew a Donald, he died, air crash."

"Damn shame," says Donald.

"Yeah, Wife, three kids, penniless."

"How awful. Why would people without money go and have kids?"

"Beats me," says Derek, "Why would anyone go and have kids at all?"

"I know, right?!"

"So what do you do?" Derek asks.

"Excuse me?" Donald's wrongfully thinking in the lines of, 'What d'you do not to have kids?' and he finds the question somewhat weird.

"What do you do for a living?" Derek reiterates.

"Oh," says Donald, "I'm a vet."

"Wow!" says Derek, "Thank you for your service, man."

"Oh, you think I'm … No! I'm not a veteran, I'm a veterinarian."

"Oh, that's cool too. Silly me, I went on thinking you're a veteran, when," he does air quotes, " 'veteran,' is not a job; it's not what you do, it's what you did."

"Yep," says Donald, "And you don't have to thank any veterans for their," he does air quotes, " 'service;' Being a soldier's just a job, like any regular job. They get paid. You shouldn't make 'em think anyone owes them anything else. They may start to make demands. If I asked someone to do me a favor, and they did it, that warrants gratitude, and I thank 'em. But, if someone went off and did something I ain't ask 'em, all from their own personal idea of what they think I need, then I owe them nothing. If I myself saw the need to join the military, then I would, I'd do it cuz I need it, even if I need it for the safety of my country people. And I won't go and expect every regular Joe to thank me, they didn't ask anything of me. I did it of my own accord, even if in my head it's for them. They ain't ask me to. A soldier has a right to get upset when he doesn't get paid his salary, not when people don't thank him for doing his chosen job. And even if they were forced to be a soldier, they have a right to get upset at they that forced them into it, not they that do not thank them for what they did not ask of them. And then again, even if someone gets asked to do something, and they did it, they have no right to get upset if they aren't thanked. After all, the deed was reasonable enough to do on being asked."

"No truer words, my friend" says Derek, "have ever been spoken."

"You bet your ass."

"Thing is," continues Derek, "I dunno, man. I think I may have become too conformist. Some things are actually just plain bullshit, but society has a way of enchanting you to see it a whole nother way, a way to fit their agenda. A way to put you on a leash."

"Yep. But we must resist, my friend, we must resist."

"We definitely must," says Derek, "So, you're a vet-erinarian, I've always wanted to speak to a vet."

"What about?"

"It's no biggie, just something I've been curious about for a while now. Thing is, I wonder if, like, animals, that is the female animals, ever like, have their period or something.

"By 'period,' " says Donald, "you mean menstruation?"

"Yeah, not that I'd like to use that word, but yeah that's just what I mean."

"Go on," says Donald.

"Okay. Thing is I have this cat, and she's female," Derek smiles, "oh, she's definitely female, an adult female, and I've never seen her have like her period or anything, the fact that she's a pussy notwithstanding."

"Rightfully so," says Donald, "pussycats do in fact have periods, except you wouldn't notice. The whole thing happens on the inside."

"Wow, nice."

"Really nice," Donald adds. "Stressless. And in life, stresslessness is ultimate."

"You bet your ass… Grab a room?"

Donald contemplates a second… "Sure, why not?" Both men head into a bedroom.

Later, Abie's at the front door, seeing off the last of the guests except Olly, who remains in his seat, twiddling his thumbs. Abie exchanges pleasantries, and kisses cheeks with the exiting guests, "Stay outta trouble, Derek" she says.

"It's not up to me, sis."

" 'Course," says Abie, more to herself. They cheek- kiss.

The guests exit, and Abie shuts the door behind them. She pauses, reflecting on the razzmatazz of the night… She sighs. "Alone at last," she faces Olly.

"Yeah," Olly smiles. They converge on each other, taking it slow and gentle, eating each other's faces, and fondling all the good parts. They manage to find the bedroom door, pushing it open, gently going in while stripping the clothes off each other. Abie makes a point to switch on all the lights. She the kind of girl that can't do without the visual experience, and Olly's extremely grateful for this. All his exes are the kind of girls that'll rather do it in the dark. "Like, what is that!" Olly had thought countless times, "What the hell is that?! Why would anyone wanna do it in the dark?! The visual experience should be indispensable! Watching the expressions, the reactions, the desire, the mechanics, that's damn nearly everything! Why would anyone wanna give that up? What's up with this life?" On seeing Abie's a girl that can't do without the lights, he Looks her in the eyes, smiling warmly, extremely grateful; He's hit the jackpot. They get naked, getting on the bed, enjoying the foreplay and making sure not to skip anything before going onto the mainstay. Abie herself likes her kisses down low, and she delighted to see that Olly's a natural. This could be his mainstay. He services her the best she's ever had, and she takes a resolve just then, to never let this boy out of her life. They decide it's time for the mainstay, although now, it may not really be the mainstay because the other fondling, caressing and eating, was so great that the mainstay may not even measure up. Olly lays on his back, eyes twinkling as she straddles him, taking him inside her. He can only remain awestruck as she rides him desperately, passionately.