The Feeling Everyone Talks About (Pt.Final)

I collapsed to the floor, the floor welcomed me with a hard smack to the face of carpet.

"Why can't I do anything right, I can't even climb into my bed," I mutter under my breath. I lie on the carpet crying, the tears felt more warming than anything at that moment.

"She didn't like me ever, did she?" I say, "and here I was thinking we were getting somewhere."

I stand up, using the dark wooden night stand to hold me up. As I'm getting up, I lost my footing and almost fell right back down. I catch myself and push myself up.

I say to myself, "I put her in so much discomfort, didn't I?"

"People who make others feel bad, shouldn't exist"

"I shouldn't exist," I tell myself

"Why don't I just die"

That's when I had said something no one should.

"Die…"

No one should ever feel like this. Everyone has something to live for, I just hadn't found mine yet.

I get up and walk to the bathroom, I took my medication. The taste of the pills was bitter, I washed it down by chugging a water.

I walk through my narrow hallway, the hard, white tiles were cold.

I pass by my mother's room, it's empty, they still aren't home. I checked the time, the clock read "3:48."

"I've still got…" I calmly think, "Twelve minutes left."

I enter my kitchen it felt as cold as everywhere else. The tiles felt as if they were freezing my bare feet. I grabbed a bag of chips, I ate it. Each bite of the chip gave another beautiful crisp crunch. I finished the bag, and grabbed another. The taste was the only thing I cared about, it gave this feeling of joy that nothing else could. I kept eating, I just wanted to feel happy.

*BANG, BANG,* I hear someone banging on my door. I check the time, now the clock reads, "4:08."

I sigh, "they're here."

I sigh once again and unlock the door, my brother, Jack, swings open the door.

He walks over to the trash can to throw a paper away.

"Why the hell is the trash can full?" Asks Jack.

He's hard on me, he wants me to be better than he ever was and ever will be.

"I'm sorry, I was just hungry and ate some snacks," I replied.

"Some? You ate the whole damn pantry!"

"I'm really sorry"

"Go to your room"

I hesitated to stay, but I don't move. I don't want to move.

"NOW!!" he yells at me.

I storm off to my room, I was just about to start crying.

I slam the door close and lock it. The soft carpet welcomes me again, this time my feet. The carpet was warm, unlike the cold, hard tile.

I take a few steps and climb up the ladder to my bunk bed. I lay down and look at my phone, there a text from her.

I didn't want to read it, I didn't want to see her at that moment, just thinking of her made me cry.

Instead of reading it, I close my eyes and take a nap.

* * *

I wake up to my door rattling. It's making a ruckus and I stay laying down, I don't want to move, I already felt like shit. My family would make it worse.

The door shakes louder.

"FINE ILL FUCKING GET IT!!" I yell.

The shaking stops. I unlock the door and open it to the surprise of it being my mother.

*Smack*

She slapped me hard, the sting stayed for a while. I was so confused.

"YOU DO NOT TALK TO ME LIKE THAT IN THIS HOUSE HOLD, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?" She yells at me.

"What are you even doing, it's time to eat."

I continue to walk through my cold hallway once again. On the cold, hard, white tiles.

I reach the dining room, it felt duller than usual.

I felt fuller than usual.

I pull my chair out from underneath the table. I sit, the chair is uncomfortable, it's hard and cold, as is the table, as is everything else.

My food is served to me, some kind of pasta that looks like slop. I scarf it down, it's bland, everything seems to be.

I rinsed off my spoon in the sink and head back to my room.

I spotted my phone in its blue case.

Seeing it jogged my memory, and I remembered about the text.

I quickly raced for my phone, I didn't care if my last bit of hope was about to be crushed. After all this, I truly wanted to see the text.

The hard, blue, rubber case strengthens my hard grip on the phone. I look at the screen, looking for a message.

Instead, I get a message with a battery and electricity symbol.

"Fuck, it's dead," I thought to myself. I put the phone to charge and slumped into my bean bag.

The seat sinks in and I slouch to match the position of seat.

"What could that have been about?" I whispered under my breath.

I started to weigh the possibilities of what it could possibly be, I knew she doesn't like me. Why did I still have hope, I'm not sure. I took out the possibility of it being about her changing her mind.

"Seriously, what could it poss-" I see a white light in the corner of my eye.

"Yes! My phone finally has turning on!!" I exclaimed.

Those few seconds of waiting for it to turn on, felt like an eternity. The phone shot onto my Lock Screen.

I put in my password, 1, 9, 7, 3. Once it opened, I quickly opened up my messaging app.

There were two unopened messages.

Mom: "Open the damn door"

I sigh, I was tired of my mom always being pissed at everything, ever since dad left.

The second message was what hurt the most, it sticks with me to this day.

Crush: "I'm sorry, I just can't."

I sigh, harder this time, I curl up in a ball, and shut my eyes. A tear falls down.

I go to lie on my side sobbing.

"Goodnight," I whisper, underneath my shaky breath.

* * *