Chapter 19 - Let's Take A Break

Spending the last day sleeping, she finally reached the cafe before 12 after convincing herself to meet with Lien.

Picking out a corner table, she placed her head down, her spare phone in her hand as she kept glancing at the time.

Looking at everybody else, she realized how lonely she truly was. So many faces, laughter, and smiles flashed before her bleak eyes while the sound of camera clicks surrounded her ears.

She searched for another lonely self that could calm her, reminding her that she wasn't the only one. Everybody had a smile, someone to talk to, and someone to share their smiles with, to walk with, to laugh.

With 3 empty chairs around her, she waited for Lien while sipping on her drink, listening to the people next to her chattering away.

Trying to block out the negative thoughts that kept popping in, she hummed a faint familiar tune.

Suddenly, she felt a hand caressing her head, surprised Mei jerked back to see her friend standing over her, a painful smile on her face.

"Mei Mei, I'm sorry I was a bit late, the assistant director wasn't letting me leave," she tried wrapping her arms around Mei, who awkwardly pushed her back.

"What did you want to talk about?" her tone cold, she stared down at the cup in her hand, not meeting her gaze.

Pursing her lips, Lien sat down in front of her, "I'm sorry Mei. I really am, I know what I did was wrong. I tried calling you and texting you and even came yesterday only to find that stupid Suyin saying that you and Uncle were out for some work."

"Hmm"

Her mind was empty and blank, she stared at the wall in front of her, her vision starting to blur. She had no expression on her face, her body losing all movement within her, she concentrated on her breathing. Her lips curled up in a soft but not visible smile as her mind kept playing her favorite song over and over again, making her lose all senses. She tried focusing on what her friend was saying, however, her ears blocked out every sound surrounding her.

"Mei, please talk to me. I'm really sorry, I wouldn't have asked you to come if I knew she would do something like that."

Scoffing, she looked up at Lien, fuming she spouted, "If you knew? If? So you didn't realize by now how shallow she is by the amount of times she has done something similar," she continued, sarcastically while air quoting with her fingers, "Sure, 'if you knew'."

"Bao Bao.."

Getting up, she grabbed her purse, slamming a bill on the counter, "I shouldn't have come."

She stormed out of the cafe, walking into a small alleyway next to it.

Placing her hands to her head, she pulled her hair on tightly, holding her voice back to not cry out.

"MEI!"

Rushing over to her, Lien shook her hard as Mei kept yelling out,

"You're a liar! You knew she would do this to me and yet you forced me to come there. Either way, everybody keeps using me, so this shouldn't be a surprise that you did too, I was born to be abused by everyone anyways."

"YOU'RE SAYING BULLSHIT MEI," She screamed at her as she finally resonated to yelling from raising her voice.

"BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT" The noises in her head kept ringing. Mei looked away while her mind turned blank, her favorite song buzzing through the voices. The melody was loud enough to dim her negative thoughts, however, she couldn't ignore them. Instead, she forced herself to remove the void her mind started to create and focus on the horrendously increasing mess forming within her.

Unexpectedly, Lien said, "I'm sorry."

Mei looked up, her eyes not meeting hers. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to raise my voice," she said, so soft that Mei couldn't help but melt within herself. The noises began fading away, her eyes started twitching and started flooding with tears.

"Don't worry," Her hands trembled while she started apologizing for crying. "I'm so sorry I didn't mean to cry."

"Mei, I was the one at fault, please don't apologize for letting your emotions out," she said with her watery eyes filled with concern and sorrow. Her palms up to her cheeks as she hid her face and tried to stop herself from crying in vain. "I should have known better. I got a bit agitated, I'm sorry Mei, please forgive me."

Her lips quivering, she mumbled, "I yelled, didn't I? I yelled at you, I did, I'm sorry Lien, I'm sorry. Why do I have to be so stupid?"

"It's fine Bao Bao, don't worry, nothing happened, everything is okay."

Biting her lip, she kneeled down, chocking back on her words, "That's the problem, it isn't."

"I'm tired," she mumbled out softly, her knees on the ground as she looked up at her with tears welling up in her eyes. "I am pathetic, and I know that. I break my promises, I hurt people, I end up creating more problems than necessary." Her voice cracking, Mei trembled, "I can't keep doing this, Lien. I am trying my best to achieve what I want, and I apologize if I seem selfish to you right now, but I don't care how you feel at the moment. If you understood how I felt you would have never asked me to come there. Never."

Lien wiped her tears off, trying to hold Mei, who pushed her hand away. "I'm sorry Bao Bao, I really am."

"Sorry can't fix anything, Lien. And I should be the one apologizing because I am such a mess right now."

Getting up, she brushed off the dust on her jeans, sniffing back, "It doesn't matter anymore."

"Mei, please, I know what I did was wrong, but please don't say that. If it hurts you, not even the smallest thing is irrelevant."

Stumbling back, she held on a pillar for support, her legs weak and numb, "I can't take this anymore, Lien. I don't have the mental capacity to handle another person in my life right now. I wish I could trust you more but now is not the time. I'm sorry, it's just that I need space from everyone, especially you for now." Sighing softly, she stammered on, "L...Let's take a small break from each other."

Taking a deep breath, Lien's voice trembled as she nodded slightly, "Just know Mei, Whenever you need me I'll always be there for you, and that I truly regret what I've put you through."

She put on her glasses and mask, exhaling loudly and chuckling, tears rolling down her cheeks. Shaking her head, she turned back, took a couple of steps, and paused,

"I just hope you can forgive me, Bao Bao."

Walking away with her eyes down while leaving Mei in the middle of the alleyway.