Padre

“So what can I do for you my son?” pastor Jude asked.

“You mean besides a lot of money? Umm let me see, more money?” I answered. Of course I was joking but as the words left my mouth I started to realize it was no joke

He laughed softly “No Cherry, how can I help you with today?” sat behind the desk, motioning for me to have a sit as well which I did.

“So padre do you have any candy?” I asked. Avoiding the real reason why I came.

“You’re avoiding Cherry. Again what is up?” he asked impatiently.

I stared at him contemplating if I actually should tell him or just get up and leave. I decided the latter. Taking a deep breath, I opened my eyes and looked out the window. Man the weather looked great today, little cold but I loved the cold. Who am I kinding, I strip for a living “So I don’t know if you’ve heard but Ronald Mckay is back in town”I finally said.

“Yes I know”he replied “And you’re worried?”

“Well I did a bad thing padre, even though its been so long I don’t think he’s forgiven me yet. I don’t think I’ve forgiven me” I went on

My childhood was not the best. Absent father, my sister and I were raised by our four nannies who were nothing but great to us. We however spent most of our days at the Mckays and Adele loved it. I don’t remember the last time I genuinely felt happy. I missed my sister. It had been seven years and I still mourned her.

“Listen to me Cherry, her death was never your fault, that’s family’s drama was never your fault, you’re only responsible for your self and remember you were only a kid” he said and I knew what he was saying already. I’d heard this many times before.

I rolled my eyes.

“Kid or not father I should have known better. Don’t you get it? I killed my sister and I completely destroyed an entire family. What about that don’t you get? You keep saying I was a kid but guess what? I am older now and im just as fucked up. Whats the excuse now?”

If only I hadn’t stepped out that night, leaving Adele all by herself. She had wqaken a few hours after I had left and decided to go outside the house to check on me only to end up locking herself outside and catching a cold. She was so fragile when I found her body laying by the door the next morning and by the time I got her to her bedroom she was gone. I don’t think I would ever forgive myself.

“Forgive yourself Cherry. That’s the only way youll ever move on” he said “I know its easier said but unless you put in the work…”

“Did you know I work at a strip club padre?” I asked “Yes I am a gay stripper”

He didn’t look shocked which in turn made me ‘kind of uncomfortable. He raised his eyebrows at me and smiled “its not news that you are a gay cherry” he said “And being a gay or not remember, the doors of this godly institution would always be be open to you”