Tango

Now is only me and Jackson. I raise my eyes to meet his face, I can see his pain. All I want is to hold him tight and take his pain away.

"I don't even know how to..."

Jackson closes his eyes trying to find the right words.

"It was probably just a sick game or joke between you and your sister, or it was for the money, I don't know. But I loved someone."

"Jackson..."

I want to explain, I want to tell him I feel the same it was not a lie. What happened between us was real, but I can't. He's still Amanda's husband, he doesn't even know me.

"How long? Tell me when this started?"

"That weekend when Jax got sick and had to stay at the hospital."

My voice is shaking, I just want to answer everything he wants to know.

"All this time... it was always you?"

"Yes..."

"I knew Amanda couldn't change that much so fast."

I meet his eyes, I can't tell what he's thinking now.

"I tried to leave many times."

"That was your plan? Just leave me in the middle of the night without any explanation?"

I can't understand what he means, Amanda did that, not me. She left him before.

"I didn't want to keep lying. It was not planned."

Jackson scoffs, he doesn't believe me.

"I don't know who you are, but I refuse to regret my feelings. I loved someone, I'm not ashamed to admit. You and your sister will not destroy who I am inside."

"Jackson, I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt anyone, it was a stupid thing that got out of control."

"As if you care. I think lying and manipulation run in the genes of your family."

I can't hold the tears anymore, I know he's trying to hurt me.

The doorbell rings, probably one of the maids opens it. A few seconds later Lucas enters the room. When he sees me crying and Jackson's angry face he runs to me.

He put his arms around me, pulling me on his chest. At this point I can't fight, I need his support.

Jackson is watching us, his eyes have a different emotion now.

"Now I see..."

Jackson laughs angrily, Lucas holds me by my shoulders, I can barely raise my head to face him.

"Are you hurt?"

Lucas looks straight to my face, he's concerned.

"No..."

When I raise my eyes to Jackson he's eyes are fixed on Lucas. I can't understand why he's so angry to see Lucas.

"What are you doing here, detective? I think I told you everything the last time."

"I'm not here for you."

Lucas's soft face disappears when he glances at Jackson.

"I'm... I'm ok Lucas, I'm not hurt."

"Lucas?... Then you're close."

Jax laughs, but his eyes are full of mixed feelings. I could mistake him for jealous, but I know he's just angry because looks like he was the last one to find out what was going on in his own house.

"Amanda is here?"

I just nod to Lucas, I'm feeling weak. I just want to leave.

"Mr. Redgrave, I'll be back another time to talk with your wife. I have questions for her."

"My wife? Which one?"

"I should be the one making questions here detective."

"Another time."

Lucas glance at me, his kind face is back.

"You want to leave now?"

"Please."

"That's it? Are you leaving me without any explanation?"

I can't understand why he keeps saying in leaving him.

"Mr. Redgrave you should talk with Amanda, she's the one with the answers you want."

Lucas answers him because I can't.

I don't dare to look at Jackson, I just leave. I don't know if I'm broken or relieved, maybe both.

Lucas takes me to his place, it's too late to go back home now. I don't think I have any condition to travel anyway.

We're both silent all the way to his home. I'm playing the last hours in my mind again and again.

(What could I do to change what happened or make things better?)

I think it was inevitable. it was long enough.

We arrive at his apartment, I'm feeling numb.

"Hey, I'll take a shower. Just stay here I'll be right back. Ok?"

I just glance up at him.

I don't know how much time it takes, I lost track of the time. When Lucas is back he has a cup of tea in his hand.

"I think you could want some."

"Thank you, Lucas."

Lucas sits on the bed in front of me, I'm sitting on the couch. He's watching me, maybe thinking what he should say.

"How are you feeling?"

"Is this a real question?"

Lucas seems embarrassed, I instantly regret what I said. He's just trying to help.

"I don't know, I feel numb."

"Do you like him?"

"huh?"

First I don't know what he means.

"Jackson, do you like Jackson?"

"He's a good man."

I don't know if I can answer that question now, actually I never really named what I feel for Jackson. Maybe I knew it wouldn't last, then I never thought about my feelings.

"What I mean is, I feel bad for hurting a good person like him."

"It was not your fault, your sister put you in that position, then ...I did."

Lucas sounds sad, he's blaming himself.

"I agreed on both times, I'm not innocent here. I could have ended this many times, I could have told him but I choose not."

"Don't be that hard on yourself."

"Now I can only think about baby Jax, I know Josie will be there for him but breaks my heart to leave him behind."

"I know he's your blood and you care about him, he would be a lot better with you as his mother but he's not your responsibility."

I know it sounds cruel but it's the truth, he's not my son. Their parents are responsible for him, not me. I only hope he'll be fine.

"I think maybe I can call Josie from time to time to know about him."

"Maybe you could."

"I don't want to think about this now, I'm tired."

"Sure, you can have my bed, I'll sleep in the living room. Tomorrow I have a lot to do."

Lucas walks out of the room, before he leaves he turns back.

"Just call me if you need something."

"Thank you, Lucas."