Chapter 19: My Own Curse

Warning: This chapter contains intense violence, suicide.

Just before the dawn came, a huge fire were started outside Shu's house, most likely the culprits were the henchmen of Jirobu who came running to the temple right after.

The sun climbed the mountains and slowly showed its yellow rays, the warm rays that reached through Shu's body. With his entire body showered with droplets of blood, he stared and stood in front of his burning house, the red flames eating the insides of their house, yet only one thing bothered his mind over and over. His mother and Dan we're still inside.

Just before he was able to step foot in the burning flames and ready to burn himself for the sake of retrieving his mother and friend's body, a small hand grabbed his clothes that halted him back.

He looked over behind him and saw the little girl, the daughter of the man earlier, Yuka.

She kept her head low but spoke loudly through the crackling of the wood and the hot burst of flames. "My lord!" Her voice squealed with difficulty, "My father have.. have retrieved your family's bodies!" Shu blinked and stepped backwards, facing her and sat down to level her height. "Where." Shocked at the sudden face in front of her, her strength faded and simply pointed at a certain direction, gulping. "O-over there, our house. Inside. Dad carried them inside right before the fire started!" She stepped back and looked at her feet, not wanting to come off disrespectful to meet a ghastly eyes of a god.

"Did you saw who did this?" He asked.

Yuka shook her head fastly, sweat breaking on her forehead. "Im sorry my lord but no.."

Shu stood up. "Alright. Get away from the house, you'll pass out." Due to too much heat, one cannot normally breathe at these temperatures, the thick white smoke slowly are corrupting the small little girl's lungs too.

The girl ran away to the direction of her house quickly while Shu completely stood there, frozen and still, staring blankly at the bright red flames, watching them deeply as if he was being put into a hypnotic trance, a faint voice of a man spoke to him, warmth spreading on his chest like the love of his mother hugging him.

He blinked and snapped back to reality, the incident sinking deeper inside his head. All of it, gone on an instant. His mother's clothes, Dan's instruments, all of their treasured things, all of their memories... gone and turned into ash.

A huge hole in his heart opened, as if sinking. No floating? He felt light, empty. Unable to think what shall he do next. No plans, nothing to do or say.

*

After three days of the cruel incident that occured, rumors were sparking and circulating around Shu's hometown. Questions and gossips mixed altogether.

A god or a murderer? Yet only one answer was given, the people were overtaken by fear, that even though murderer or god, he does not belong with them.

Abandoned and alienated, Shu kept living in the shadows of the alleys. Homeless, alone, feared, and utterly lost in life.

Shu looked up at the grayish sky, and a tear rolled down in his cheeks, still with a light shade of red blood unwashed from the slaughter. His clothes reeked of blood, his eyes were dark from sleepless nights, and he felt an incredible fatigue slumping over his body. The high and almighty god, now has to scavenge for food. He was utterly destroyed to the core, mentally broken after the events that happened in almost one night. His body was failing, as well as his own strength. The power that he used to manipulate the air had strangely dissipated away and the huge use of it immediately took a heavy toll back to his physical body after using it.

He stood up and dragged his feet, going out of the alley he hid to be separated from the outside world. Now he was out, a few number of people saw this filthy dressed madman, his hair in places with the air around him giving a strong stench. No one dared to approach him or drag him to jail and execute him, they all ran away from him.

He only looked at the rocks and rubble underneath his feet, only following the faint smell of river underneath his nose.

After a long endurance of his heavy body to reach the river, he finally slammed down his knees to the ground and breathed out, sighing in front of the fast running white and clear waters.

"Mother... Dan... I miss the both of you.." He teared up again, his tears sliding off his cheeks and landing at the ground. He stared at his reflection, seeing an entirely different person because of his present appearance.

Shu's trembling fingers reach for the water and scooped it, gently washing away the blood stain on his face. ''Everyone in this world has a mother. But i dont.' said Shu inside his head.

'Not anymore.'

'I am alone.'

Then he began uncontrollably scratching his face, in his field of vision, the blood has not yet come off and it kept dripping down his face and neck. Triggering everything that happened. Dan's blood, his mother's smile, headless bodies, a brutally killed body.

His breathing increased, his eyes widening in fright of himself, he kept scratching his cheeks and then his neck, he wanted the blood to be gone, and yet even his hands are now also covered with blood. He whimpered and teared up, shaking in fear. He wanted the blood to be washed off, he wanted the memories to vanish, he want to go back where everything was still alright. He's so, so afraid.

He pushed his head underwater and screamed, bubbles blocking his vision, crying and hearing muffled shouts under the water. He kept scratching his neck until the air inside his lungs had faded, Shu's screaming slowly toned down and he pulled himself back, gasping for air.

The painful tears he shed mixed with the water, hiding it. He looked so cold and pale, he was shaking and holding his tears back as best as he can.

I should just die.

With the sudden suggestion inside his head, in a lightning's pace, he unhesitatingly grabbed a huge stone and hit his head with it, the blood bursting out of his wound, a sharp pain following after. Then after a few minutes of hissing, he gulped.

Huh?

Why am i still conscious?

He gritted his teeth and picked up the rock again and swung it upwards, then forcefully hoping that it would do the job this time. The blood gushed out of his second wound on his skull, but his consciousness were still present.

Why am i still breathing?

Then he hit himself again.

It hurts.

And again.

But its bearable.

He hit himself again even multiple times harder, sometimes hearing his own skull breaking.

It hurts.

Why.. am i not dying?

It hurts.

Now he's sobbing.

WHY CAN'T I DIE.

He questioned himself hopelessly, despair printed on his face. He finally threw the rock away, a plodding sound of the water following after. He looked around and grabbed the nearest branch at his side, breaking it in half and fastly slashing his wrists with the sharp wood.

It hurts.

then he teared up, biting his lips in pain.

WHY CAN'T I DIE?! WHY?!

Even after the immense bleeding of his wrists due to rough and poor cutting, he thinks, maybe he didn't cut enough. Its not enough for him to die.

Now he sniffed and and bled, slitting his throat this time.

Yet, to no avail. The terrible slicing of his neck only ended up damaging his throat, and not cutting his veins. And so, even with his wrist skin flinging around, he held the sharp edged stick with both of his hand in front of his chest and thrusted it inside his ribs, a pain in his heart so excruciating he couldn't help but yelp loudly in agony.

But even after it all, despite all the wounds and injury he inflicted himself, he realized that his flesh will always produce anew, and he will, no matter what he does, will live.

NO MATTER HOW MUCH I STAB MYSELF, MY HEART WOULDN'T STOP AND DIE! NO MATTER HOW MUCH I SLICE ALL OF MY VEINS THEY CONNECT TOGETHER AND LIVE!

It hurts!

His eyes cried even more, sobbing and thrusting the sharp object in and out of his chest multiple times, his blood staining the river.

WHY ARE YOU FIGHTING FOR ME TO LIVE?!

It hurts!!

WHY DOES THIS BODY KEEPS SAVING ME FROM DEATH?!

It hurts too much!!

STOP BREATHING!

Its painful!!

IT HURTS.

I WANT TO BE WITH MOTHER AND DAN!

I JUST WANT TO DIE!

PLEASE DIE ALREADY!

IM- IM ALREADY!

I'm....

I'm already done.

"Let's head east. Walk until my body gives up and drops dead."

Inside of someone's household, two women closely standing next to each other kept murmuring and gossiping to their ears, a woman kept muttering words with a terrified look on her face.

"Did you hear that the rumored 'Prince of the forest' killed every inhabitants of the woods? The fairies are totally unseen at the forest! My husband who hunts around the eastern forest told me so! And only the Prince remains! He said the Prince had gone mad and killed everyone off! Even his family! Blood everywhere! Everyone of them wiped out! Such luck that my husband got away! And after that, multiple problems arised at the eastern forest! The trees changed their leaves in the wrong month and the flowers had become strange! The one that should look red, had changed its color to blue! And the green leaves had turned to purple! Now look! Look at our harvest! The harvesting seasons are in a mess, we might starve because of the unstableness the nutrition of the crops now has! So many bad news! Just last time some higher nobles died in a holocaust due to an incident from a fire! Then now the Prince of the forest had slaughtered every of his kind! And the crops are failing to grow. Now rumours say that someone from our village brutally murdered tens of men in one swoop! Right inside of the wind god's temple! Oh how i pity the next King! So many troubles to deal with!"

"Ah! i remember that the Crown Prince's coronation is very near! We should go see it!"