xviii

After all that happened, taking a hot bath felt like the best sensation ever. He hadn't realized how tense he was until the hot water relaxed all his muscles.

Sitting in the bucket with his head resting on the edge, he closed his eyes. If Lan had one flaw he wished to get rid of, it was undoubtedly overthinking. No matter how good this bath was, he couldn't enjoy it fully because of this.

And it wasn't like he was thinking of different things ! At least then, it would be okay. But no, he was simply dwelling on the same things over and over again. He needed answers before moving on from his thoughts.

But what answers ? The first was to figure out how to be more shocked at people's death —especially when they've been killed by him and Liwei. The second was how to find out about himself in this world.

The second answer was more urgent to him. If anything, the reason he was so bothered about being unbothered when people were killed was because of the institutionalized morals of his own world. He felt like an immoral person now, as if he had become a complete asshole. But he could live with it.

However, how was he supposed to even survive, if he remained so clueless about everything ? He couldn't rely on Liwei or Wen Li forever ! What was he supposed to do, to 'recover' his so-called lost memory ?

Was he supposed to see this as a game ? Did he need some kind of item to level up and gain memory ?

As this thought crossed his mind, he shot his eyes open. That could be it ! Why didn't he think of it earlier ? It actually seemed like the only way !

"Fuck it," he irritatedly exhaled, "why didn't I get a system when transmigrating ?"

As he asked himself this, he felt wronged. He even resented characters that got systems and were mad at them because they were 'incompetent' or 'annoying'. At least they were of some assistance ! What was he supposed to do, all alone ?

When the water started to cool down, he exited the bucket, dried himself up, and got dressed. He was lazy to exit his bedroom, so for once he was glad that he didn't need to eat. He directly went to lay down on his bed.

He tried to use his brain at full capacity to find the answer he needed. How would he find out ? How !

He tried to retrace everything that had happened ever since he stepped into that library. Before transmigrating, there was someone in his house ! Who was it, and what was he doing ? Why didn't he give him any sort of explanation before sending him here ? Why !

Lan groaned loudly. His head felt like it would explode. He hated to think when it was already obvious how useless it would be, but he couldn't help it anyway.

If I have to think anyway, maybe I should try to think of something else, something pleasant, he thought.

Unexpectedly, his mind wandered to Liwei. To that moment when she was killing the Shan Nu's. He never saw anyone look so scary before, but he wasn't scared either. He didn't know why he was so sure he could trust her from the very first time they met.

Maybe because it was written in the book that she was on his side ? And maybe because when he was dying, she was the one who rescued him. If she really wanted him dead, she had plenty of occasions to finish him off.

But was that reason enough ? Sure, he knew he wouldn't die by her hands, but there was more than just that. There was more than this kind of trust. It wasn't only about supernatural matters, and about dying. It was about her as a person.

Lan felt like a very different person when he was with her. He knew that sometimes it could feel like you've known someone's for a long time upon just meeting them, but could it be to this degree ?

Even as a snake, he felt it. He ignored it because there obviously were more important matters at hand. Then he decided to stop thinking of this short but regrettable period of his life.

Now that he focused on it, he remembered the sensation he had when he saw her. It was as if being glad to see someone one hadn't seen for a long time.

'Oh, there's something very familiar with this person, as if I should recognize her' —he also thought that. But why ?

Could it be...

He jolted up on his bed, sitting up.

Could it be that he didn't transmigrate exactly as he was back in his world ?

Could it be that he didn't take someone's place but he was this person ?

Lan had read enough books to come up with sensical theories, but this one already made so much sense that he didn't think of other ones.

If it was the case, then that would explain more than simply feeling like he always knew Liwei ! The first thing would be that the book never had a main character ! When he was reading the book, it was obvious who the main character was, but why was he nameless ?

'This Immortal' was how he was referred to.

«This Immortal had never wronged anyone in his life. He didn't think he was the most righteous of them all, but he didn't think either that he deserved to be in such a situation. He felt wronged.»

«When this Immortal remembered what happened, he couldn't forgive them. Attacking him was one thing, but attacking anyone else was another. He remembered the hurt ones by his side. No, he couldn't forgive.»

It was always 'this Immortal this' and 'this Immortal that', and what's more : he was never described ! Not even his height, not even the tone of his voice, not any random detail that could be common in anyone —nothing at all ! It was as if zero thought had been put into him, and he was just there to execute his lines.

He remembered when he was ejected from the library that day. Looking at the book, he first noticed that it seemed much thinner than he initially thought, but most importantly, his name had been carved on the cover.

"A pact..." he remembered the old lady's words. "Is it that I didn't make a pact with her but with the book ?" he wondered.

He tried hard to fish his scattered memories of books he read from every corner of his brain. If he could make sense of any of this, then it would already be a step forward.

"Did the book recognize me ?" he suddenly asked.

He didn't know where this thought came from. He didn't even realize he had it until he spoke it aloud. He was stunned, but he repeated it over again in his head.

The book had recognized him ?

Recognize him... as a character. As the main character !

Of course, he should have thought about it sooner ! It actually made so much sense ! The reason this specific character was so poorly worked on was that it was in fact a vacant place for the one who'd pick this book. If there already was a detailed character, then the one picking it wouldn't be the character, he would only take someone's place !

Realizing this felt like he cleared the first level of a game. He had taken the first step, now onto the second : collect his memories !

This wasn't a game, far from it ! There wasn't any level to clear, any bonus, any quest or missions that would help him acquire what he needed. It was nothing like that. It was a real world in which he needed to think for himself and take care of himself.

Thinking back on how he got to this conclusion, on how it started by thinking about Liwei, he chuckled.

"Even when she's not here she still helps." he joked.

He hoped he wasn't wrong about it all though. It made way too much sense to be wrong, but he knew he should still keep his eyes open and analyze what would happen next. Either he would be proven wrong and find the real answer, or he would find another lead of this theory and continue moving forward.

Earlier, he was dispirited because of how much of a flaw he thought thinking too much was, but it was thanks to this very flaw that he was so full of energy now. He even regained the excitement he first felt after waking up from his coma.

His own story had begun and he was so worried that he hadn't taken the time to fully appreciate that his biggest wish was coming true.

Escaping the bland world he hated so much and entering a much more exciting one. One that wouldn't drain him of energy at the mere thought of going a day through it.

Yes, his life was finally worth living !