S1 Ep 1 Pilot

Death is like a realy bad cold, there is no cure. Like for the horney lady who blew a load, or the douche who bagged, then there's the druggie who took a trip, and finally a lady who got...Trumped. Close the windows and blinds, put your feet up and enjoy...2000 Ways To Die...

Date: 07-21-2009

Location: Los Angeles, CA

Your a police officer and you enter a luxurious hotel room only to find blood and guts are dripping from the ceiling and you ask your self "What the fuck happened here?" Well we are going to answer that for you...

Rewind 1 hour...

"Well I'm done for the night boss" says Amanda Mason she is a model by day, but by night she is a freak. She goes home to her hotel and decides to get herself into some...trouble, she has room service come up to her room but the only thing she wants serviced is Her. The room service concierge, William, brings her what she wanted, but what she wanted was his...Willy... She grabs William and tells him that he has been a "bad boy" to which William says that he is gay, Amanda says that she can change his mind but William wasn't having any of it. William left the room leaving Amanda in her horney misery. Amanda is desperate she doesn't look to far for her to pleasure her self. she finds an electronic air hoes and uses the vibrations of it to pleasure herself. After she finishes she falls asleep in her post orgasmic glory. When Amanda falls asleep she left the air hose on and accidentally points it right into her "Fur Burger" The air fills her abdominal cavity with air until she was a giant flesh baloon, Amanda wakes up and sees that she has an expanding problem. She screams untill...BOOOM! pop goes the weasle. Now you have the full story on how this Booming case. Long story short horney is as horney...dies

Way To Die #1457: Wham Blam, Fuck you Ma'am

Date: 12-17-2019

Location: Rooftop, Manhattan, NY

Meet Mark, he is a divorced man who is spending his half of the money on beer and drugs. He was an abusive husband and father, the only reason he wanted kids was so that he could get taxed less money from the government. He beat each of his children and made them suffer. After Martha (his wife) took off with the kids he got his penthouse all to himself. The thing is, he was drinking and smoking all of his money away, he fell into debt and that's when the feds showed up. Mark tries to run away from the Feds by going up to his Rooftop. He hides up there untill he thinks the cops have left. Mark goes to the stairway back down but realized he was locked out. It is also winter in New York City, Mark has about 10 minutes to get help or he will die of hypothermia. Mark first tries to call anyone on his phone, but everyone blocked him cuz he is an ass. Mike now has to get the attention of anyone he could, he looks up to the other skyscrapers and waves to them trying to get their attention.

"Hey look" says an office worker "what" says another "there's a buffoon down there in just shorts and a tank top" he says "isn't it like -12 right now?" the other asks "yeah what a dumbass".

Mark failed to get their attention, now he tries to break down the door, he runs and gets a smashing good hit. He smashed through the door and went flying down the stairs. First he smashed his skull which caused bleeding in the brain, then he broke his neck between the C3 and C4 vertebrae which caused paralyzation which caused him to stop breathing, lastly he broke his back which cut off the rest of his spinal cord. So there he is, bleeding out like the dead drunk he was.

Way To Die #1009: Stairmageddon

Date: 06-23-2019

Location: Tool and Die Shop, Boston, MA

Phillip is a nice enough guy, he gets to work on time and does his work right. But there is always a catch to someone, Phillip here takes shoots on his off duty. Today he is high out of his mind and begins to see whales jumping over rainbows, but he still has a job to do. he works on the table saw, he is a boyt to cut a peice of metal when fate decides to step in, a piece of metal goes flying toward his head, but bounces off of his helmet. Next a chain comes flying at him but he steps out of the way just in time. For the last and final attempt he trips and has his head going toward the table saw, he catches himself and gets up to go home. He is still out of his mind high and drives his car when he see a whale cross his path, he serves out of the way and hits a rock. Phillip didn't have his seat belt on and went flying out of the windshield, his face scraped across the pavement and he went flying. Phillip is still alive, he tries to get up then a street sweeper doesn't see him and runs him over. The steel wite start to cut into Phillip and rip his skin off. Phillip stays alive throughout all of this, the final hit was a pebble getting kicked up comes and hits him in the frontal lobe killing him. What an epic conclusion for an episode.

Way To Die #1780: Grim Sweeper

WARNING THE FOLLOWING DEPECTS A REAL EVENT BUT A FALSE DEATH! THIS DEATH DID NOT HAPPEN!!!

Date: January 6, 2021

Location: White House, Washington DC

On January 6, 2021, following the defeat of U.S. President Donald Trump in the 2020 presidential election, a mob of his supporters attacked the United States Capitol Building in Washington, D.C. The mob was seeking to keep Trump in power by preventing a joint session of Congress from counting the electoral college votes to formalize the victory of President-elect Joe Biden. According to the House select committee investigating the incident, the attack was the culmination of a seven-part plan by Trump to overturn the election. Five people died either shortly before, during, or following the event: one was shot by Capitol Police, another died of a drug overdose, and three died of natural causes. Many people were injured, including 138 police officers. Four officers who responded to the attack killed themselves within seven months. As of July 7, 2022, monetary damages caused by attackers exceed $2.7 million.

This is the story of Mary Dumas, a shotgun Shooting, Gen Z hating, Trump Cock sucking asshole. In other words she was an average lady from the Midwest. She is storming the Capitol when out of nowhere she explodes. Her guts and blood getting everywhere on the other raiders. How'd that happen? Let's rewind to the past...

Date: November 3, 2021

Location: Mary's House, El Reno, OK

Mary has just seen that Joe biden won the presidential election. She along with millions of American "patriots" believe the election was rigged and Trump won. Soon her and he buddies get to talking about a meeting at the White House. Her and her buddies get to stuff to bring in, she wants to take things to the next level. She has her husband, whom is a bomb maker, make a home-made bomb.

Date: January 6, 2021

Location: Inside the White House, Washington DC

Once passed the security and windows, Mary is inside. She starts her bomb for 1 hour and starts to poke around. Soon after she finds a painting in the house and decides that it could be worth some money. As soon as she grabs the painting she Red White and Blew up. when she set her clock to "1 hour" she actually set it to 1 minute.

Evryone at the raid on the Capitol got their justice, but not in the way they were hoping for, but for Mary she was Trumped...out

Way To Die #1759: Red White & Blew