S1 Ep2: Killer Book

The theory of evolution is based on 1 simple concept, survival of the fittest. The following knuckle heads just didn't fit. There's a vaper who blew a fuse, an online geek who clots up, a teacher who needs a dunce cap, a couple of pot heads who go up in smoke, how about the skater who didn't mind the gap, the biker who gets crushing news, and finally Football, a game of life and death. It's all here and queer on this chapter of 2000 Ways To Dieeeee...

Date: August 23, 2021

Location: Central Middle School, Riverside, CA

In the early 2000s people switched from cigarettes to vapes. In the now 2000s, vapes gave been made cheaper and more flavorful to target kids. Today bad boy Nick decides to hit his vape in the bathroom. Nick has a cheap vape he stole from a middle schooler. Nick takes a long drag and immediately coughs up blood...What happened? The vape he got a hold of was bad. Many of the liquids used for vaping containe propylene glycol, a known skin allergen. In addition, many contain fruit and spice flavorings such as strawberry, mint and berry extracts that are know irritants on the skin and possibly can also produce hives and a systemic reaction. If that wasn't bad enough the vape juice was strawberry flavored, Nick is fatally allergic to strawberry. As his wind pipe begins to close Nick still is feigning for a hit, he takes one more puff but instead of a nic buzz he gets plastic and metal shards logged into his face. A lithium-ion vape battery explodes when it becomes too hot, with the help of how cheap the vape was made. The highly flammable liquid inside the battery reacts with oxygen, causing it to combust. The plastic and metal fly into his face hitting his eyes and mouth. With 3rd degree burns burning his flesh alive. Nick dies from asphyxiation from his allergic reaction feeling the vape burns the while time.

"In the end Nick was the one who got vaporized"

Way To Die #1024: Ass-phyxiation

Date: June 19, 2022

Location: Garths House, Boulder, CO

There's a reason why video games make more money than movies: they're as addictive as crack. Garth was a sociopathic, egotistical, and mean-spirited video game addict whose only reality was virtual. He spent most of his time playing video games and so little time doing anything else, even going to the bathroom and sleeping. During hours of gameplay, he eats streams of junk food, such as large amounts of pizza and chugs down plenty of soft drinks and not much water in order to keep up.

Body sores and pus pockets began to appear after 52 hours, due to his improper diet and neglected hygiene. He had just beaten many new players of the game, except for Tina. If Garth could beat Tina, he would be highest ranked player in the world. Somehow Tina remained cool as a cucumber while Garth looked like a big zit that was about to burst. Finally, at the last second, Tina defeated him, celebrating her victory. Frustrated and furious over his loss, Garth stood up, ready to break the TV...

"STUPID GIRL!!!"

-Garth's last words before death pulls his plug.

After 60 straight hours of nonstop gaming, Garth stood up, and dropped, like someone had just pulled the plug on his avatar. Garth was a goner.

Unbeknownst to Garth, blood clots had formed in his leg veins from being sedentary for so long that they had moved into his heart and lungs when he got up. In just a single minute, enough of the clots reached his heart and lungs, stopping them both in their tracks, and causing Garth to die, sending this slovenly and misanthropic addict to hell, but more importantly, on a one-way trip to reality.

Garth ruined his health and sacrificed his life by living in a virtual fantasy world. Too bad his wake-up call... was his own death. Game over... Garth.

Way To Die #1126: Game Stopped

Date: April 18, 2022

Location: Charlie's Loft, Los Angeles, CA

Stoner boyfriends, Joe and Charlie, created a bong out of clay, the Claymaker 420. Along with using weed and smoke, they used flavor disks to flavor the weed; chopped bacon, coffee-dipped paper, orange peels, any flavor. After they finished their creation, all they had to do was to bake it into a kiln. Their female friend had one in her backyard, and she put the bong in the kiln. After she turned on the propane, all three of them smoke some grade A mind boggling "Pinapple Express". Over time, Joe and Charlie went to see how the kiln was doing. After noticing that the kiln's flame was out, all they had to do was to light a match to warm it up. Instead, the lit up match turns the bong into a bomb, and turns the clay into deadly shrapnel, and the resulting explosion kills the two stoners. From third degree burns and clay shrapnel getting logged into their frontal lobbes. Their female friend was not only shocked, stoned, and a little scared, but also a little bummed that she would not get to try the legendary bong.

The Claymaker 420 could've made Joe and Charlie a bundle. Instead, it cost them... their lives.

Way To Die #420: Una-bong-er

Date: August 21, 2008

Location: Downtown Chicago, IL

Brandon was a washed-up skateboarder. Kids used to look up to him, but now they are buying drugs from him He spent most of his time trying to do some tricks. On other occasions, he would use his skills in terrorizing pedestrians, and fighting security guards. One day, he decided to show flashes of his old self to impress a sexy little lady. But an unseen rock brought him back to reality. As Brandon accidentally runs over it, he is launched off his skateboard and lands face-first into the wet cement. The impact knocked him unconscious, and Brandon was about to become part of the cement floor. In general, wet cement solidifies through a chemical process called hydration, which can take days to harden. Unfortunately for Brandon, the cement he landed in was quick-dry cement. In a few minutes, Brandon was dead, and became a part of the cement floor, sending the selfish and terrorizing skateboarder on a one-way trip to hell where he belongs.

Once upon a time, Brandon was the next hit guy in the skateboarding world. Now, he was just another.. dead guy.

Way To Die #1478: Tony Cock

Date: January 21, 2018

Location: The Slopes, Keystone, CO

Tommy is a ski instructor who has a tendency to sleep with his students. Tommy's latest catch, Casey, after a wild ride on the slopes Tommy is ready to get into Casey's pants. Before starting Casey complains about the cold sheets so Tommy turns on his electric blanket. Soon after getting warmed up Tommy has Casey screaming like the Abominable Snow Slut. After the two climax, they lay back in their post-orgasmic glory. Casey has to pee, after hearing this Tommy asks Casey if she can pee on him. Tommy has a urine fetish (Urolagnia). But watch out kids urine...trouble. The bed's worn out electric blanket shorts out as a result of the "golden shower", killing them both from electrocution.

Tommy was a sleazebag ski instructor who preyed on his students. He bedded down a hot one, she went number one, and then...they were done.

Way To Die #1090: Pissed Offed

Date: April 10, 2015

Location: Puebla, Mexico

Gabriel is a paper man who is making his routs on the busy streets of a large Mexican city. Gabe decides to take his motorbike and hits the road, he pops on his headphones and blasts some Arianna Grande. just a little ways away a truck driver, Ignacio, is driving his Rig full out drunk on petrone.

Gabe delivers a paper to a busines, on his way back to his bike an elderly lady asks Gabe if she wants her to tell him his future. Gabe, having a lot of time on his hands, says yeah. The lady tells Gabe that he will have some crushing news. Gabe hops back onto his bike and rides off. Ignacio decides to speed up his truck, Gave is about to run the corner when Ignacio blows the stop sign and slams into Gabe. The truck hit Gabe, basically exploding his arm and breaking his ribs, he goes flying off of his bike as the truck still goes it runs Gabe over. The truck squished Gabe's head like it was nothing blowing his brain matter all over the street.

Hey Gabe, don't loose your head

Way To Die #1899: Semi-cide pt 3: Mexi-cant

Date: July 21, 2017

Location: Kelly's Bar, New Town, ND

Steljis, a fantasy football fanatic, is a regular nuisance at his local sports bar. Steljis runs around the bar from TV to TV rooting for the players on his fantasy football team, annoying the other patrons. When he changes one of the TVs to another football game trying to find another of his players, he triggers a bar fight. Steljis completely ignores this as he's too absorbed into the game and instead chooses to mind his own business by going with the flow.

Steljis wasn't much of a fighter, and while the tables turned, he slipped off. He was trying to catch a few more plays, but a sports fan like Steljis should know... never take your eye off the real action.

Suddenly; fate steps in for Steljis when, during the fight, one of the fighters breaks a beer mug, and a shard of it flies into Steljis' neck, severing both his jugular vein and carotid artery, causing him to quickly and painfully bleed to death. Steljis lived in a fantasy world where nothing matters but touchdowns, interceptions, and yards per carry, but then he got mugged by reality. Mark it down, Steljis, you've been sacked.

Way To Die #1619: Sudden Death