Planning the Beast Hunt.

"Mommy's home." She quipped, kissing my forehead and I squealed happily like a Beiber fangirl.

"My, how forward of you~" I chuckled.

"Well, I'm not your regular old housewife anymore."

"You were always more of a battle wife anyways." I teased, "I can still see you cracking slaver skulls on Tatooine like it was yesterday."

"Hm? And who cooked you breakfast every morning?" She poked my nose.

"I do love your cooking. No doubt about that." I cooed.

"And now there's two of them." Margo groaned.

"It's cute." Eliot laughed, "Great entry, by the way. 8 out of 10. Could have picked a better song."

"Ah, of course." I said as we sat down, "Introductions are in order. Offee, my first wife." I gestured at the people on the couch.

"Eliot, Margo, Quentin, Alice and Yue."

She greeted them all in order until she came to Yue.

"Yue?" She asked confused.

"She's my-." I said.

"I'm his woman." Yue interjected, hugging my arm.

"Already moving on, I see." Offee pouted.

"Haven't given up on reviving you. That's why I'm here in the first place."

"Wait, wasn't your wife dead?" Eliot asked, "And if she isn't dead how are you going to revive her?"

I raised an eyebrow.

"No this one, this Offee is from another timeline where I died instead of her. I just explained this to you like an hour ago?"

"So she isn't your wife, but another version of you-s-es?"

"Yes." I said.

"I don't mean to sound racist but she looks... alien. And that talk of Tatooine... " Quentin hesitated, "Is Star Wars real?"

"Oh yeah." I nodded, "Most fiction is. Just hard to find."

"Then she is Barriss Offee?" He asked

"Yeah. I even banged Ahsoka Tano-owow!"

Offee pinched my ears.

"Banged is it?"

"I can explain!" I pleaded.

"Oh explain you will, mister." She huffed, "I want to hear all about it. Later. But first."

"Star, Luminara. Come on in."

"Wait, you brought the kids?"

"You have kids?" Margo asked.

"Yes. I thought we went over this."

"And I thought you were joking."

"My! I never joke about such serious matters."

"Yeah. You don't. It's worrisome really." Offee said.

I tilted my head in confusion.

"What?"

"I'll show you. Later." She said as the kids walked in, looking around eagerly.

Well Luminara did. From behind her mom's legs.

She looked to be three or so.

Star just made a beeline for me, looking up at me with curiousity.

"Papa hug!" He demanded, flailing his little arms up.

So cute!

I grabbed him by the armpits and swung him full circle before squishing him in a bear hug.

"Hehehehehe.... Your beard scritches..." He giggled.

I kissed his forehead as I put him down.

He turned back to look at Luminara and as if telepathically she looked back at him, peeking out from behind Offee.

"It's Papa!"

I pinched his cheeks.

"Of course it's Papa you little rascal. Who did you think it was?"

"A howogwam." He said through squished cheeks.

".... Android." Luminara added.

"Or android." Star confirmed.

Offee crossed her arms, pouting.

"So little trust in mama."

Star giggled, and Luminara smiled cutely.

"Can Papa get a hug?" I asked her.

She froze like a deer in headlights before scurrying back into the safety of her mother's shadow.

Aw!

"She'll get used to you in time." Offee assured me.

"I know." I sighed, "I don't understand why you brought the kids over though? What if I... y'know? The A.I. must have told you as much."

"It also said the pendrive you gave me was empty." She said.

It was. That was the trigger to the A.I.s suicide switch. I designed it that way.

Of course, I didn't tell her that.

Offee grabbed my hand as we all sat down.

"I trust you."

"Thanks for that."

Just then, the door creaked open as Penny came in, stumbling.

"You said you had more Haxenb.. urn?" He looked at the kids.

"Am I interrupting something?"

"No." I gestured him to the couch, "We were just waiting for you."

"We were?" Eliot asked.

"We were." I said, "Have a seat."

"Look I just want some pills so..."

"There are no more pills." I turned to the rest, "It's time. We need to fight the Beast. End this quest."

"Hold on, quest?" Penny raised an eyebrow, "I didn't sign up for a quest."

"The Beast signed you up. You felt it too, right? He's attacking all travelers. And I don't think he's going to stop before we're all dead."

"Stanley must know some-"

"Stanley is a chicken shit coward who was too afraid to even use his own abilities. Trust me, he doesn't have jack."

"You saw what happened to her... Them!" He excused.

"Yes. That's exactly why we need to go now, while we can, before he does to us what he did to the third years.

So here are your choices. Stay here and die alone, driven mad, or grow a pair and come with us. Fight him off. Once and for all."

Penny frowned and went to refuse but I sweetened the pot.

"We'll help free Victoria. And you'll get that guilt off your chest. And don't try to play it cool. I'm a psychic too. I know, Penny."

Victoria Gradley.

A traveler like Penny and me who took the third years to their disastrous trip to Fillory. In the aftermath of their massacre, she was trapped and chained in the dungeons of the Beast's castle and tortured for the past two years by him in an attempt to lure her friends out.

And so she cried out into the psychosphere everyday, begging for help. But no one ever came or even heard her.

No one except Penny.

"Can you really save her?" He asked.

"Yes. But only if you come along. We'll need an extra traveler for the job. Just in case something happens to me."

"Alright. Enough pussyfooting." Margo slammed the table, "What's the plan? And how soon do I get to kick some ass?"

"First. You're in no position to kick any amount of ass. No. You'll all be casting this."

"The Sumerian Shield Charm?" Margo asked, bummed out over the lack of action.

"Yes. The Beast is very powerful. Too powerful if you ask him. We can't beat him normally."

I could. Easily. So could Offee.

But I won't be revealing that of course. I need things to play out a certain way so I can get my hands on a very special weapon.

The Leo Blade.

A weapon made of enchanted moonstones that could tear through magic itself.

An crucial weapon that I absolutely need to deal with the gods, who themselves are beings made of great magic. Nothing else can pierce god flesh after all.

Now sure, maybe I could make a weapon that could do that. I could try the disintegration beam. But I'd still prefer to have a plan B through Z ready, just in case.

The god jizz it would bring along with it was just ... Icing on the cake.

I gave Offee a sidelong glance and she understood too. She wouldn't say a word.

"Doubly so on his home turf. So we need to play it smart." I explained.

"You have a plan." Alice said.

"Of course he has a plan." Margo added, sarcastically.

"You have a better idea?"

"No. Just.... you're keeping too many secrets." Alice said, "This could get dangerous. Shouldn't you be straight with us?"

"I will be." I promised.

A lie.

"But for now, just trust me. I won't risk your lives over nothing. You're the first friends I've had in a long time." I admitted, shying away.

Oscar worthy acting, if I say so myself.

Something that put the rest of them at ease.

"Fine. You are the expert. Go on."

I nodded in thanks.

"We need three things to end him, once and for all.

The Beast can teleport, being the master magician he is.

So we need to disable that first. Prevent him from just teleporting out.

So the first thing we need is a weapon that can cut through his magic, his personal enchantments and disturb his casting." I said, "There was one such weapon in the books, right Quentin?"

"A weapon like tha-ah! R-right the..uh the-the Leo Blade. Um...Martin orders it to be made but he never picks it up? And they never did anything with it in the books." Quentin explained.

"Which means it's still there. With the blacksmith who made it. I'll need you to make a map to the smithy for us. In fact, make a map of Fillory to the best of your knowledge. We'll need it."

I already had the whole planet pinned on GPS. But he needs to have something to do. He'll be needed later, after all.

The weapon, the Leo Blade can only be wielded by a master magician. Which none of us except me are.

Hence they'll need a little boost. From god semen.

Yeah. Really.

And when they go to petition Ember, god of Fillory for his splooge, I want Quentin to be the one to do it. He's naive enough that it will work.

With me, he'll just read ny thoughts and find out my intentions with his seed, both of them.

Can't have a god on my ass while I'm dealing with the Beast.

So I need Quentin to come along for his sheer simpleminded-ness.

Kinda like how every Rick needs a Morty.

Except just this once.

Once I have that semen, I'll have everything I need to take down the gods.

Why? Because it'll serve as the centerpiece in my reality anchor.

And with my reality anchor and the Leo Blade in my hands, no god will be safe from me.

I giggled internally as I continued.

"Second. He needs to be trapped somewhere. Kept in place so my orbital laser can wipe him out once we cut him off from magic.

For that, I'll need you guys to cast the shield charm and trap him in a circle with me. Then, I'll cut him with the blade to stop him from just teleporting out and incinerate him."

"And since you're immortal, you'll survive it." Eliot realized.

"Bingo!" I pointed at him.

"When you stab him, do it in the gut." He added.

"Will do. Now all we need is practice. Ten pm. Tonight. We leave in a week everyone, so get to it. And Penny, get ready too. If something goes wrong, you'll be subbing in for me."

He nodded as we got up to leave.

"And if you guys don't mind now, I'll have some time with my family now. In private. See you later at practice?"

"Sure. It's not like we have any better ideas." She sulked.

"hm?" I looked at her confused.

"She's just mad she doesn't get to fight."

"Tell you what Margo. If you can master teleportation, you're free to switch places."

"Was that a pun?" She snorted in laughter.

"You like it? I have a whole treasure trove."

"Yeah. Sure. But I think any more flirting and you'll lose your family jewels tonight." She pointed behind me and I saw Yue and Offee giving me the death stare.

"Yeah, I guess I'll clean house first." I chuckled nervously.

"Good choice." Offee said, as she and Yue dragged me upstairs for a chat.

____________________

Alright!

I have listened to y'all. Some action is needed.

And so, next chapter, mc cleans house, and then, Beast Hunt time.

Extra chapter at 200 powerstones.

Thanks for reading.

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