Thoughts

Chapter 83: Thoughts

"Charades?" Lance wasn't able to stay quiet.

"Yes. The last four years was not easy for me, as you said earlier, there is no way that I could just let time heal everything and move on."

Mia is telling him things that nobody else knows.

"A month after it happened I waited for him to find me and explain everything to me, like an idiot I stayed close. So close that he could find me without an effort"

Pain could still be felt in her words.

"But he didn't, I silently kept my hopes up until a year had already passed, the following year I just buried myself in work. Then that faithful day happened. I really thought that I was going to die and I readily accepted that fate but the heavens wanted to play with me"

It was as if she is reliving those moments again. It was a phase of her life that defined and changed her to a point she can't go back to what it used to be.

That incident was supposed to be a saving grace in her life, saving her from all the pain that she have been experiencing.

"I recovered but I know that it will come with consequence"

"You are aware that this will happen?"

'Just how much was inflicted to her to be this way.' Lance thought to himself.

"More or so, that's why I could sign that waiver not to hold the hospital I was brought to, responsible on anything that might happen to me in the future"

Lance decided to keep listening to Mia; this might be the first and only chance that Mia will ever be honest with her feelings.

"There is nothing more damaging to a person than betrayal. Betrayal of the people you trust the most."

Going though that level of betrayal and rejection was already enough for her to even think about taking the easiest way out of it.

"It will change you in ways you didn't know you can be but at the same time it made me see a different sides of the memories that we both have shared"

The more she realize the more devastated she became.

"It showed me that happy memories can be a sorrowful one and that makes my chest ache more that even our happy memories together can't salvage what we had and that was the indication that it was useless to dwell on that past. I need to move on and I was given an opportunity to start a new without that hardship."

That accident was a blessing in disguise for her. She just has to wait for it. She just wanted to make sure that she would be leaving or forgetting things without giving much trouble to the people she is responsible for and that she will leave a little gift for her friends to remember her, or what she used to be.

"But I forgot that human beings are made to be emotional. Just when I was all decided and planned out what my next steps, Fate decided to test me."

It replayed in her head, the first time that Terrence reached out after four years. It caught her of guard seeing him at the convenience store she was part timing.

"At first I was really convicted that I'll just let everything flow and let them do what they want and give them the closure that they need, but my memories once again triggered my emotions and let myself get close to that fire again. The very same fire that burned me the first time."

Mia took it as a sign that it might be nice to put a closure for everybody just for the sake of their friendship but it didn't go the way she wanted and things around her started changing. It was as if everything she lost 4 years ago was being returned to her.

To be honest she became hopeful.

"I still gave it a benefit of a doubt, my heart began to betray me and started expecting things would have changed this time around. I thought I was ready to trust him again"

And so her feelings for him…

"I was ready to take that chance and just go with the flow, I thought and contemplated hard and reached a decision to take a chance, that if he's going to love me unconditionally then maybe I will be worth his pain when I die or at least loose my memories"

But he still can't decide it whole-heartedly.

"I am happy that we finally said and admitted to each other that we do in fact love each other but it wasn't enough for him to love me wholly regardless of the future and me to love him despite his hesitations."

'Let me stay with you as a friend' it kept on replaying on her mind and a realization hit her that there might be a possibility of something she is afraid of.

"None of this is because I am, as a matter of fact is dying but because we just love each other enough to feel the pain but not to overlook and ignore it and just be together."

She again tried to ignore everything…

"I tried but I finally got an answer to all of the questions and finally able to reach a conclusion"

A long silent enveloped the two of them.

What started as an escape for Mia and a random midnight walk for Lance ended up in this moment of confession, it was the stories that she didn't want to unfold and a stake that she herself plunged in her heart.

What she needs to do is to close down the curtains and face the reality.

The reality of their relationship and what they had become

That their fairytale once upon a time had became a devastating tragedy that they could never recover from.

It was a broken glass that they tried to put back together…

"It's time to stop and move on"

It was something that will never be the same what ever they do to make it whole again.

This time Mia closed the book and made a decision no one can change.

"Can you help me?"