29.2 A Mother’s Story

As Dana Berkowitz watched her son walk away, the motherly smile she managed to maintain broke down into an expression of melancholy. With a sigh leaving her lips Dana was starting to feel her age which was a feeling she had been feeling more often as of late. She supposed she was lucky to be aging gracefully but nothing will ever make her feel her age like seeing her children grow up and at some point her Stanley did indeed grow up without her knowing.

That part hurt; it hurt in a way that she could not describe with words. And all of this happened because she put her trust in a man that didn't deserve it, her ex-husband. In hindsight it should have been obvious that putting those two together in such a situation could have only ended in disaster. She wasn't oblivious to the fact that they hated each other but she underestimated just how much.

She took a gamble back then out of worry and desperation. What should have been a simple conversation that she thought would at best result in a verbal dressing down ended escalating in a shouting match with threats being thrown around. Then an ultimatum was issued that boiled down to Stanley either getting in line or getting out.

This wasn't the first time such a threat was made, and usually it was enough to end the argument and get Stanley to capitulate. Unfortunately, at that point Stanley hasn't been living under their roof for the better part of a year. He's been living alone, getting a taste of true independence. He even found an alternate (if untested) source of income and had started to amass his own personal savings. Coupled with his hatred for that man and what was supposed to be a threat for him to behave turned into an excuse to leave and cut ties with them.

At first she didn't believe he would go through with it, and she was ashamed to admit that her ex-husband had much to do with assuaging her worries. Even when she told him about his ideas and his progress, he scoffed. He didn't think Stanley had the wherewithal to brave the real world and yet he wasted no time in locking Stanley out of the monitored bank account. His excuse for doing this had been that the 'tough love' approach was for the best and that a firm hand was needed.

It was horrid and she said as much but he was able to convince her that he was making the 'tough' decision to teach Stanley a valuable lesson. He didn't think Stanley had it in him to survive in the real world without their support and she believed him. Even when her stomach twisted into knots of worry she believed him that Stanley would eventually come back to them when things got too tough.

Several days later Natalie came to the house to take Stanley's belongings at his request. And there was another relationship that her ex-husband soured. Luckily Natalie's reservation was only held for him and she was fine with giving Dana information about Stanley since she was the only one he was willing to keep in contact with.

The day Natalie carted away Stanley's belongings was the day she realized the full scope of her mistake. Stanley had dropped out of college, moved out of the apartment they paid a deposit on and blocked their numbers. Not even Natalie knew what he was up to was a lie because her son just got done telling her that he lived with his sister for several months. She should have known because while Natalie would become her only means of acquiring information about Stanley at that point in time they were not on good terms.

Or rather Natalie wasn't on good terms with her father after a major incident set the two of them against each other. Much like with Stanley Natalie cut ties with them and vice versa, though she only held animosity towards him. It made her and Dana somewhat estranged but at least Natalie wasn't going out of her way to avoid her. It was a good thing too because Stanley made good on his promise for better or worse…for eight years.

For over eight years Dana hasn't seen her son and the only information she got about him were sporadic and incomplete updates from Natalie.

Thankfully it didn't take as long for her to file for a divorce.

Funnily enough the divorce came as a result of a group of hackers stealing and later distributing the client list of an online dating website. Said website differed from the rest because it was geared towards married individuals and went so far as to promote having affairs. Dana never even conceived such a thing could exist so of course she never heard about it. Natalie did however and she was all too happy to reveal to Dana how her ex-husband's name and information was part of the notorious client list.

It turned out he was not only a frequent user but she would later find out that he had several mistresses all of them younger than her and in some cases too young for her sense of decency. This was the true answer as to why he had those late nights working overtime and unaccounted withdrawals from their bank account. Needless to say she filed for a divorce immediately but regardless of how in the right she was for doing this the proceedings were not so cut and dry.

Bastard that he might be the man had a steady-paying job and wealth in reserve. Because of this Dana hadn't worked a day since she got married she didn't need to. She left the finances to him to focus on her duties as a housewife and mother. It was a very traditional setup that worked for them...or so she thought. What this meant was that she couldn't afford a lawyer long-term something he was very aware of and was vindictive enough to capitalize on.

She had to depend on Natalie's help despite knowing that the expense would be a burden on her daughter's finances. Or so she assumed until Natalie gave her money in excess of what Dana thought possible. With the new cash influx, she was able to afford a good lawyer and reach a settlement that was in her favor.

Natalie revealed the money to have come from Stanley, who asked not to be named, but Natalie ignored the request because she felt it unnecessary to keep it a secret. Clearly Natalie was playing for her own team but it worked out in Dana's favor. Happy as she was with how the divorce settlement turned out she was even happier knowing that her son still cared for her.

Or so she assumed from what Natalie told her. It really did seem that her son's estrangement came more as a result of her ex-husband than it did her. It gave her hope especially when Natalie gave her his number. Dana had changed her number as consequence of getting rid of the phone her ex-husband had gotten her and being the petty and vindictive man he was demanded it back.

In any case with a new phone and new number she would be able to call her son and talk to him for the first time in years. It took her days to work up the courage to contact him because even if she knew the reason for their estrangement didn't lay with her the thought of his rejection stayed her hand. When she gathered the courage to go through with it the call went to voicemail.

She tried several more times to no avail and after checking with Natalie to make sure she got the right number it was revealed that Natalie shared her number with him. Stanley knew her number and was ignoring her calls. It was heartbreaking but the fact that it was ringing out instead of going straight to voicemail meant that he hadn't blocked her. A theory she proved by sending him a text with a simple 'thank you' for his assistance. The message went through as she saw the icon indicating that he did indeed see it but otherwise did not acknowledge it.

It was the best she could hope for given how obstinate she knew he could be. And so she would continue to send messages to him and even make the odd attempt at a call. She did this for years, but Stanley kept his silence, and sometimes she wondered if he even cared. Once again her worries were assuaged by Natalie who assured her that Stanley did not hate her but was too stubborn to meet her halfway.

Dana wasn't so sure about that but then Natalie did something that she never expected and gave her Stanley's new address. She urged her to visit him and confirm for herself, citing that the worst that could happen was an awkward conversation and reprimand on her part for how messy his house was. Dana was not so optimistic, and her imagination ran wild with various worst-case scenarios which ultimately prevented her from visiting himfor the longest time.

She came close, however.

Oh, how she came close to throwing caution to wind just to see her son. More than once she did but in the end her fears got the better of her and she ended up not going through with it. Dana was not happy or even content with their then current relationship; no mother worth the name would be satisfied with not being able to see their child, but she was too fearful to disrupt it. She wouldn't be had she not known for a fact that Stanley could and would cut all ties with her.

It didn't matter if the decision was impulsive or turned out to be foolish or just plain wrong in hindsight. Stanley was the type of man to follow through on his decisions and live with the consequences either out of sheer stubbornness or a twisted sense of integrity. She hated that part of him because, whether he realized it or not (which she assumed he didn't), he got such a twisted mentality from her ex-husband.

Her ex-husband was a conservative man who preached conservative values and liked to teach conservative sentiments to his children, especially the boys.

A man must never be soft.

A man must stand up for himself.

A man must provide for his family.

A man must have integrity.

Oh, how much she hated him and how his ideals poisoned her children in one way or another.

'I should have-'

Her thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of Stanley, who placed her order of brown sugar boba tea on the table before taking a seat opposite her.

"Thank you" she spoke before sipping her drink.

Stanley watched her do so for a moment before speaking "since when did you start drinking boba tea?"

"A few years ago," she answered.

Admittedly she wasn't exactly in the right headspace at the time which turned out to be a positive in that instance because it made her susceptible to taking what she considered a harmless risk. She didn't expect to enjoy it as much as she did, and boba tea ended up becoming a guilty pleasure food for her.

"Aren't you going to try yours?"

Stanley looked at his order in contemplation before, with a shrug of resignation, sipped the drink through the wide straw.

Dana watched in anticipation as he paused to smack his lips "well?"

"Not as bad as I thought it would be" he grunted.

She couldn't help but chuckle at that, "I knew you would like it."

She went to drink more of her own when she saw his lips purse as he scrutinized her, causing her to pause her drink.

"What is it?"

"You've been here before."

The question that wasn't spoken like a question made her freeze for a moment, which she covered up by chewing a tapioca ball.

"I have" she answered then added "a few times."

"What were you doing out here?"

Dana's mood became dour as she looked down for a moment before looking him square in the eye.

"I was visiting you…or I tried to anyway" she added "I never did follow through with it, even when I promised myself that I would. This place ended up being as far as I got before I turned back."

Stanley had a complicated expression at this revelation but ultimately spoke "Natalie gave you my address."

"She did."

"Since when?"

"A few months after I started texting you after...you know."

That was a long time, and she saw he realized this and prepared herself for the next question.

"Why didn't you..." he trailed off.

"I was afraid," she admitted.

She didn't need to say anymore for him to understand, which was good because part of her was chaffing at showing this amount of weakness in front of him. Disregarding those thoughts it seemed he was at a loss for words and didn't know how to continue the conversation leading to an awkward silence. Luckily, even through her introspection Dana kept track of where the conversation was heading before it got derailed.

"So," she began, "you said that you met someone?"

He took a moment to gather his bearings before answering.

"Yeah, I met someone."

Now things were getting interesting.

"Oh? Who is she?"

She could see a bit of apprehension in his expression before he decided

"Her name's Ezraphel, and she's…she's amazing."