NO LONGER EXIST

Life goes on and on without stopping. Even if you want to it will only make you more miserable. Life's fair? Ofcourse not. If it's is then why is it that poverty are gradually increasing than those wealthy personnel? Why is it that every second passes the more people suffer? Either it's from abuse, humiliation, depression, criticism or shaming. There's no valid reason why we live in this world. We are all a sinner. From the moment you set your foot to the ground, your choices has already started.

Living in the world without light is like living in the darkest night. The night that will slowly swallowing you up until you can never go back.

My name is Zhen Niever Ysher,. This is the story of how my husband lifted me up from the endless pit of hell. How he showered me love and show what living really means.

.....

(FLASHBACK)

I'm an average student with an average grade but with a failure life. Just because of how I look, bullies can be found anywhere I go. It's like I am their magnet. An attraction in their eyes. With my thick glasses, paired with braces, even my face can be called a city of pimples. Although, I might look clean everytime I went to school everyday, but when I got home I'm more suitable to be called a beggar begging for a coin in the street.

With my current look, my ripped uniform covered in mud. Small scratches in my arms and face. Even my glasses have a crack.

"Ysher, look how filthy you are. How many uniforms have been ruin for the past week? I told you to bring those body guards so that they won't bully you anymore"

"No need mom. I'm fine"

"Fine? Look at you. You're even lesser than a beggar. You don't look like a Zhen at all"

I walk in the stair case headed to my room. With my sullen face, I pretended to be fine all the time. I pretended to be okay despite the things I've suffered.

I'm about to close my room door when I heard my mother's words that gives me more aches inside my chest.

"Why did I even give birth to an ugly duckling like him? Is he really my child? He didn't resemble any of my beauty, not even his father. Aahh this is frustrating. I now need to call a tailor again to make his new uniform. I bet one hundred isn't enough since he always comes home with his filthy image"

I shut my door. Waters started to fall from my eyes. Her words are more painful than to want I  experience in school. I slide down the floor kneeling. With my trembling hands, I started to cry.

(Why? Why? What did I do wrong to deserve this? What mistakes do I need to repent just to stop this? What else do I have to do for them to accept me? Is there something wrong with me? Why do it's hard to live? Why do it's impossible to be free? I only want to be happy. I only want to live peacefully. I only want to be accepted. Why? Why? Why it so hard? So hard that I don't even know what else do I have to do anymore. I only wish to be a normal kid. I only wish to be like them. If only I wasn't born, I will not suffer this pain. It hurts. It hurts. Please someone. Please help me)

Since my room is sound proof no one else can hear my whine. I sob harder and harder. Releasing all the animosity I felt. My chest felt heavy. A very familiar feeling I always endure. I clutch my uniform right into my chest.

I tried to stand up with my shaking legs. Wipe my tears away using my hands.

(No on will help me. No one will appreciate me. No one deserves me. If so, then I will return them the favor they've given to me. The payment is life)

With an empty mind, I walk to my make up table. Open up the drawer and grab a pair of lenses, make up kit and all the necessary things I needed. I look at the mirror, watching my own reflection with an empty eyes while grinning.

#note: it not literally empty. It's just mean that it doesn't have any emotions and also the make up table was prepared by his mother since she always wants Ysher to wear makeup to hide his real appearance#

(Starting tomorrow you will no longer exists)

...

~the next day~

I walk out of my room, heading to the kitchen. I saw my mother eating light foods that she usually does.

"You're up early. What's the matter? Are you--"

She didn't finished her words when she saw me. She look at me with a shock and is confused. She even stop eating her meal. I even notice the maids looking at me with the same expression.

"Who are you? What are you doing here? Who let you in?"

I stay silent with a poker face not minding what she said. I went straight to my meal spot and sit comfortably. The maids started to put my meal one by one.

"Ysher, is that you? How... How come you look like that? And... And your clothes. It's not a school uniform"

"Does it matter?"

"You.. Why-- How--"

"Isn't this want you always want? To have a child with a pretty face? Here, I made this for you. Why do you rather look surprised? Do you not like it? Or do you still prefer that ugly disgusting face of your son?"

"I...I"

"No need to pretend. I know you like it. You can't hide the fact that you always dreamed that a day will come and I will used those shitty things inside my room. And here it is. A dream come true. Isn't it nice?"

"Ysher, don't talk to your mother like that"

Laughing sarcastically, I stand up from the dinning table and started to walk out with out touching my meal. Before I head outside, I face her once more.

"You were never been my mother. Never was and never will. You were just a woman who pushed me into this world. So don't act like one, cause you don't deserve such a wonderful tittle. And by the way, I'll take those body guards as you said since they'll be of great help"

And with that, I walk out of the house leaving the woman dumbfounded.

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To Be Continued

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