Chapter 7

When I entered The Split Bean, the whole place is not crowded, like how it usually is. There are a few customers who are eating alone, some of them are talking and laughing with acquaintances. I roamed my eyes around and immediately found the figure of Grayson sitting in the far corner. I slowly went up to him.

“Hi,” I greeted. I finally caught his attention. He was looking outside, must have been deep in his thoughts that he didn’t notice my arrival.

“H-hi, have a seat, please,” he was slightly stuttered as if he have seen a ghost.

A lady approached our table with a huge beam plastered on her face.

“Hi! It’s good to see you both again. It’s been ages. What would you like to have? Are you having the usual?”

“Hi, Alison. It’s good to see you again, too,” he replied with a weak smile. I just nodded at her as a sign of acknowledging her presence, I’m in no mood to talk to anyone right now.

“I'll have a cappuccino, please.”

“I’ll just have an Americano,” he prompted.

“Coming right up,” with that, Alison left immediately. I suddenly remember the old days we used to hang out here. Alison became our friend since we were one of the usual customers before. We just stopped coming here when I got busy with my studies. I got caught up with everything. We used to have coffee dates before. We would be here for a couple of hours, sometimes, when I study during exams. This is the first time I came back here after a long while.

“How have you been?” he asked after in silence for a couple of minutes. He looks different. He looks like he lost weight. His stubbles are growing and his eyes look like he hasn’t got an ounce of sleep. I scanned his appearance in the back of my mind. He must have sensed my looks, I was trying to hide it. Who am I even fooling here? He knows me so well.

“I’m sorry, I know I look like a mess—”

“No, don’t worry about it. It’s fine and to answer you're question, I’m fine,” I cut him off before he could even finish what he was going to say.

“Grayson, who was that girl?” I don’t know if I even made some sort of introduction as to what I came here for. I honestly hope that he knows what I’m up to or at least knows where this conversation is going. I just want to end all of this and get over it. It’s hard to forget things when all you do is avoid them and did not deal with them, I just realized that. I know that sounded so direct but I don’t care at this point, I just want answers. That’s all.

Before he could even utter a word, I asked him another question, “Is the child yours?”

I want to mentally slap myself after that question came out from me. Of course, the child is his. What else is he staying for it isn’t his?

Suddenly, Alison arrived. She silently served our orders quickly. I thought she was in a hurry to get away from us since we don’t seem to be loving when she saw us earlier but I noticed the whole place slowly being filled with people. The good thing about The Split Bean is that they have a more secluded place wherein you can talk privately without worrying about other people hearing your conversation.

After she served the order, she immediately left. I looked at him. He slightly tilted his head down.

“She’s Gwyneth. I met her at the bar one night. The guys from my club were out celebrating and they invited me. You were busy that time and I got no one to hang out with so I went with them. I don’t want to disturb you, that’s why,” I saw him swallow the lump in his throat.

“Go on, I’ll listen.”

“I was reluctant to go but I went anyway. During the first few hours in the bar, I was holding back from drinking too much. The guys were persistent, I couldn’t say no,” he chewed on his lips for a moment before continuing.

“It was past midnight when the guys are slowly going their own way. There was this girl introduced to me a few hours before and she was with us the whole time. One of the guys whispered to me that the girl was already eyeing me,” I was getting impatient the whole time he was explaining. I was a bit irritated with him and his explanations.

I glanced outside to check if Damien is still there, he wasn’t there anymore and so was his car. I checked my phone only to realize that I don’t have his phone number yet. Oh, shoot!

He was talking but my attention is somehow diverted knowing that Damien had left.

“..... I found myself already laying on a soft mattress and there was someone with me. I couldn’t remember every detail of it. All I know is that a girl was with me that time,” he narrated while looking at his drink inadvertently.

“Did you realize that you went out with that girl already? You knew you had caught the girl’s attention but you didn’t leave? You are not thinking about me at all,” I sneered at him.

“I was... thinking about you but I couldn’t just leave. What will the guys think? That I am being rude?” he spoke as gently as could so as not to raise his voice on me.

“So, you care more about what they could say about you rather than me? Is that it?” I am on the verge of crying. So he valued the other people’s perception of him rather than mine? Did he even consider my feelings? Yes, I can only understand so much for too long. He had me reaching my breaking point.

“It’s not like that—”

“Then what is it? Tell me so I could understand,” I cut him off with emphasis. A lone tear escaped my eye. I immediately brushed it off. He suddenly fell silent.

“So you are telling me it was all an accident? But what about that night? It doesn’t seem like an accident, Grayson. You wanted it,” I spoke to him with emphasis. I was at my limit, I don’t care what he will think about me anymore. I am done trying to compose myself and there’s havoc going on inside. I thought I was ready to face him. I thought I was.

“Weeks later after that night, I received a call from an unknown number. She called me asking if we could meet in person and talk. She said she want to tell me something important, so I went. When I saw her she told me she was pregnant and, I’m the father. I wasn’t anywhere ready to be a Dad either, but I need to do it. I don’t have the heart to run away from my child. I grew up without a Dad, I grew up in a broken family too and I don’t want the same for my child,” he looked at me.

“You knew, you knew you couldn’t turn your back from your responsibility but you didn’t tell me? Why didn’t you tell me that you can’t be with me anymore?” I spat back. I’m trying my best to talk amidst the crying. I couldn’t hold it back anymore. It hurts to know that he can easily sacrifice me for his responsibility. I don’t have the ace of cards. What can I do? That’s a child. His child.

“That’s where I went wrong. I didn’t tell you sooner because I couldn’t. I love you, that’s why,” he looked down. I saw a glint of tear escape his eyes.

“You weren’t the only one hurting when I made that decision. It hurts me too that I couldn’t be with the woman I love,” he tried to reach for my hand but I moved it away.

“Loved, Grayson. It’s past tense now,” I corrected him. It was painful to mutter those words, that I was the one he USED to love. I was once the one he loved.

“You don’t know what I feel—”

“Yeah, I might not know what you feel but one thing I know is that you’re just fooling yourself by believing that it is still me even if it is not anymore,” I looked at him for a little while.

After what he said, after that explanation, I can say that something changed. It may not be much but I could say that this can be a good start.