Chapter 19

Athira Patel

Everyone knows that life is a road with the speed breakers and ups and downs. But what we don't know is how many speed breakers will come in our way and how many ups and downs will be there for us. We even don't know at what time we will face an accident and how we are gonna survive from that. Life is just unpredictable sometimes. When we think that everything is going smoothly then it will throw a rock at us just to show that it's not that perfect as we think. We have to face the unexpected at times that we wonder what will be our next step to get out of this situation.

I am somewhat in the same situation presently. I just realised that I am getting out of track from my goal just because of Abhilash and I have even got to know that my best friend loves me, which came as a big surprise. I am still not sure if what Aunty said yesterday is right or wrong. I don't want to come to a conclusion just because she said, I want to confirm myself before getting to a conclusion. But don't know how to ask. Do I have to confront him directly or just have to get to know from my other two friends? And what about these weird feelings about Abhilash? Why did I felt the way I did when he informed Omisha that nothing was going in between us? It was true that there is nothing going on in between us. Then why I have reacted like that? Why did my heart felt like someone has pinched it so strongly? I don't know any of those answers and I don't even know how to face Dev. That was the reason I have avoided answering him and only gave one-word answers to his questions. I am quite sure that he knows something is off with me but didn't ask, to which I am thankful because I don't know what I would have answered to him if he asks. After coming home I have directly come to our bedroom and got freshen up before having dinner. When he went to freshen up I had my dinner quickly to avoid talking to him and went directly to our bedroom for completing my tasks just to divert my attention from all these bloody situations.

I have opened my laptop and took both of my files placing them on the bed while taking a seat in the middle of the bed opening the file in which I need to find the clause within two days.

I will show you Mr.Arrogant Jerk that I am capable of doing this. With that in my mind, I have started reading the file. I know I don't have much time to go through everything in this so I have started reading highlight points on every page. Somewhere in the middle of it, a knock came on my door to which I have lifted my head from the file only to see that Dev standing there crossing his arms and leaning on the door looking at me intently without saying anything. Unable to look at his face any longer I just got back to my file reading it even though I can feel his eyes on me. After some moments he finally broke the silence.

"Already on the work?" He asked looking at me while standing there itself. His voice sounded neutral giving away nothing to think of.

"Yes," I mumbled still not looking at him. I am scared to look at him. I know that he can read me like an open book and say what is bothering me. And I don't know if I am ready to face the situation if what aunty said is right. So the best way is to avoid him for now.

"Ok, I will leave you to it," He said after sometime taking a deep breath and leaving the room. Once he left the room I released the breath I was holding by placing a hand on my heart. I was feeling sorry to avoid him like that because never in our friendship up to now I have done this to him.

Is he really having feelings on me or it was just a thought of hers? Am I really that oblivious to the situation as she said? I have started thinking about our previous incidents to find anything messy. But nothing came to my mind.

Breathe Athira Breathe. You can do this. Just think about our moments and search in your brain. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes remembering everything from the start when we have met in the lab, how we used to bicker with each other given every moment, how he used to steal my box in the lunch just because he used to like my mom's cooking, how he used to come to my house to learn cooking from my mom, how he used to protect me if someone says anything to me, how I used to have a crush on him, his smile, his comebacks, his flirting, his way of laugh, his smirking, his sadness, his bravery, everything about him. But only one thing I don't know till now is how he and Nidhi broke up. He always used to divert the topic when I ask about it. So knowing that he won't say, I have stopped asking him.

He started flirting with me after my breakup with Akash but I thought he was just doing it to irritate me. There were some times when he used to stare at me with those unknown emotions in his eyes, but when I ask him what's the matter he used to just shook his head and smile at me. There were even times when he becomes aggressive just because I didn't take care of myself properly. When I got fever 2 years back he didn't even take a wink of sleep full night just to look after me. When I got the job in Bangalore he went there to look after everything just to make sure that I am comfortable. Is that all because he has feelings for me?

Suddenly I remembered the night of the pub where he acted very strangely when I have informed him about the kiss. Is that anger? And when Rishi said that he got another chance to use it wisely, were they talking about me? And when I spoke to Riya about Abhilash, the way he reacted and kissed me on the cheek? Did Riya and Rishi know about this all this time? God... Why am I noticing all these now? Many questions were running on my mind and I don't know how to react to this.

I mean who doesn't want to love him? He is caring, loving, handsome, good sense of humour, protectiveness, and does everything with his heart. Of course, he is flirting but soft from inside. There were days when I used to dream of us as a happy couple but never thought that he will be having these feelings for me. I know I have always used to say that whoever he loves that girl will be the luckiest person, but I didn't know it was me. God Dev why you have to love me?

No No No.... This cannot happen... He is not loving me. It's just his infatuation. That's it. One day he will realise that he is not in love with me and it was just an attraction. Ya... that's right. Just attraction.

Are you sure? Mocked my brain.

Yes. I am damn sure. It's just an attraction.

Why don't you ask him for yourself and get the answers to all these questions instead of hurting your brain? Suggested my brain.

Yes, I can do that. But I am not sure if I can. So I just went back to my work leaving all these questions at the back of my mind. I didn't know when I have turned all these papers and got to the middle of the file but something caught my eye in that page. So I just read everything to be sure of what I have seen is correct and it's not my hallucination. And as I thought I am right. It's not just my hallucination. It's a small mistake if you ask but that small mistake is enough to turn everything upside and down. And this small mistake is the reason why this design got rejected by the clients in the first place.

This project is about designing a three-storey building in which they have asked with the combination of modern and contemporary style where modern refers to an era that has passed and contemporary is all about now and the future. Modern design often uses earthier ways to designs whereas contemporary always use colours like black, white and grey. Everything is correct in this project except for the bedroom where it always needs to be of the earthier way so that it looks cozy. But the mistake is they have used contemporary style mostly and picked grey and true red for walls with chocolate brown colour furniture to complete with it. If it was for some five-star hotels then it would have completely clicked with that atmosphere but that's not the case. They should have created a cozy atmosphere in the bedroom which feels like a home rather than a hotel.

Wow... Really? That's it? It was so easy to find out but it will never click if we don't concentrate on that point. And I would have not reached up to this page if I haven't turned the pages without glancing at it. But I am glad that I didn't give a glance.

Suddenly I have realized that I have completed the major task which is the direct ticket to enter into a real-time project. This made me squeal like a mad girl.

Yes Yes Yes... I have done it. I have completed my task within two days as I have mentioned it to Abhilash. I can now work with all my seniors in real projects. Finally, I am going to fulfil my dream.

I have started to jump up and down when Dev entered into the room asking what happened since I have shouted so loudly.

"Dev. I have completed my task which gives me a direct ticket to real-time projects. I said that I will do it in two days and I have done it. I am so happy you know. Now I am really going to reach my goal to design a real project" I said excitedly and hugged him feeling so happy.

"Wow choti. That's awesome. I am so proud of you. I know that you are capable of doing it but never expected that it will be this soon. I am really proud of you baby" He said hugging me back tightly and placing a kiss on my hair.

"I am going to fulfil mom's dream Dev. She will be happy right?" I asked looking at him.

"Yes Baby. She will be proud of you" He said looking at me with so much adoration and love. Wait a minute. Love? Then I have suddenly remembered everything which made me self conscious and I released my arms from him and created some distance between us not looking at his face. I am afraid to look at his face so I just kept looking downwards shifting my foot from one to another playing with my hands.

"Uh... Thank you" I said fidgeting with my hands.

"What happened Choti? Why it looks like you are trying to avoid me?" He asked after a few moments cutting the silence in the room. I can hear the hesitation in his voice while asking this question.

I don't know what to say to him so I just said nothing. But I can see that he didn't buy the answer since he is still looking at me without blinking.

"I asked what happened?" He asked with a strong voice which he uses only when he is in a demanding way.

Uh-oh... He is getting angry and doesn't get back until he gets the answer.

So why not ask him directly? Even the situation is in your favour. You won't get a better opportunity like this. Ask him Athira. Then you can get all your answers which are running in your mind. He is just Dev. He won't take it wrong. Encouraged my brain.

So after some moments, I took a deep breath to ask him before I change my mind. I can see that he is still waiting for my answer.

I raised my head looking at him directly in his eyes without giving anything in my face and keeping it neutral, I have asked the question which is running in my mind from past 24 hours "Do you love me Dev?"

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