Chapter 20

Athira Patel

What if? Is the small word which is enough to create many doubts in our brains that we lose our judging capability because of it.

Now standing before my friend not knowing how to take back the question I have asked or don't know how to react after questioning him directly like that, so I just stood before him looking at his face and cursing myself for asking in the first place. I don't know what he might be thinking of me if he doesn't have any feelings for me. What have i thought before asking him like that straightforwardly?

You are really dumb Athira. There is no hope for you stupid girl. I wanted to face-palm myself but stopped myself from doing it.

Will you stop your little drama? You have done the right thing. Everything will be solved after this. If he really doesn't have any feelings then he will dismiss the idea or else he will open up. So just be patient and let's see what happens. Idiot. Argued my brain.

Ya it's right. I have to wait and see what happens before getting into some conclusion. Patience Athira patience. I took a deep breath and looked at my friend who is silent from last few minutes looking at the floor deep in thought. When he lifted his head to look at my direction, I kept a serious face giving nothing away and showing him that i am looking forward to hearing the answers and not going to backout from it today.

After what felt like hours he opened his mouth to talk.

"Can we sit and talk?" He asked as if there is so much more to say and explain than just a few minutes. So nodding my head without saying anything i just took my seat on the bed and waited for him to take his seat and explain everything.

He took the seat beside me leaving some space between us to which I am thankful because I don't know if i can concentrate on his words if he sits near to me.

"Choti, are you ready to listen to everything what i have to say?" he asked looking at me seriously as if asking me indirectly if i am ready for everything. Suddenly i felt my heart beating rapidly in the fear of facing everything. I don't know if I am ready to listen to whatever he wants to say but what choice do I have? I was the one who raised the question in the first place.

You can do it Athira. Let's hear him out to what he has to say. If really he has feelings for you then he have every right to express himself. Taking a deep breath I nodded my head in acceptance that I am ready to hear him out.

"But please promise me that you will hear me out first without reacting. After i have completed explaining you can ask or do whatever you want. But please just listen to me first" He asked looking at me as if he is unsure of what my reaction would be.

"Ok promise. I will listen to everything you have to say but i need every answer today" I said looking at him seriously determined to know everything.

He took a deep breath and stared straight in my eyes "I love you Athira. I have loved you from as far as I know." He said looking relieved as if the big burden went away from his shoulders.

I froze listening to his words. I knew what I am going to face today and what aunty said might be right. But somewhere I hoped that I was wrong and he will just scratch everything i asked. But No, he confessed his feelings towards me, which made it all real now. There is no backing out now. I don't know how to react to it. Should i be happy? Should i be sad? Should i be angry? I don't know. So i just stared at his face not knowing how to react to it.

"I know it's all so new to you and probably you might not even know how to react now. I can understand it though. Trust me Athira i thought of saying about my feelings to you so many times, but never got the courage to do so. And when I got the courage to do it, you brought Akash as your boyfriend in your life." He said looking at me sadly and smiling.

What the hell.. I thought that he was in love with Nidhi? What is this new information now?

"What are you talking about? You have Nidhi as your girlfriend right?" I asked voicing my doubts and showing confusion on my face.

"Let me explain from the start. I have a crush on you from the moment i have seen you for the first time Choti. Even Rishi knew this from day one. He always forced me to express my feelings to you but I was a coward for not facing and I can see that you are not like other girls. You are innocent and delicate like a flower that i always thought of protecting you from the world. So i never expressed my feelings in fear of getting rejected. Then one of my stupid friend gave me an idiotic idea to make you jealous. At that time it seemed like the best idea to my 18 years of brain. So i have accepted to his plan and we thought of introducing Nidhi as my girlfriend to all of you. Not even Rishi knew about this plan of mine. I kept it a secret from him in fear of getting lecture. But somehow he found out after 6 months and gave me a big lecture to stop all these nonsense and directly tell you the truth. But i cannot say that. I was so far so deep in my own shit. This Nidhi girl who i thought her as a good friend, but found out that she is my worst nightmare. She liked me from the start it seems and she already know that i love you but she want me for herself. So when my friend gave this idea she readily accepted to become my fake girlfriend to make you jealous. I thought whatever she did in front of you guys was just to make it look real. But after sometime i got to know her real intentions. She never thought of being a fake girlfriend, she wanted to make it real and have blackmailed me that she would say about my feelings to you directly if i wont be in a relation with her. I was scared of losing you so I just acted like her boyfriend all that time. But when you bought Akash as your boyfriend, that was the last straw. I fought with her that it's all because of her and said that I was not scared of her now because what can i lose now? I have already lost you to Akash because of my stupidity. So i just broke up with her. She too never said anything to you because she always thought that you too have feelings for me. Poor Nidhi. She didn't know that you never loved me the way I did. You just thought of me as a good friend. That's it. But by god's grace you broke up with Akash. I knew it was never going to last because he was just trying to use you, but you were so blind in his charm that you never listened to anyone of us. So we just stayed calm for the right time. But never knew that it will break you this apart and hurt you in the process that you started believing that there is no true love and only fake feelings. I don't know how to react you know. To be happy that your relationship had ended with him or to be sad that you are broken apart now. You know how much I wanted to break those idiot's face in half? Everytime Rishi and Riya used to stop me from going such thing to him. Before you ask, Yes Riya too knew about it. I never wantedly said to her but she got pretty idea because of the way i look towards you everytime we stay close. Hell, not only her probably every one of them in our college might know except for the girl whom I love. How crazy is that? I can't come near to you nor i can't stay away from you. I just became your best friend in the process. But i wanted to be more you know. But afraid that you will get hurt again or you will not talk with me. I cannot stay without talking to you Choti, That's why I never expressed my feelings in fear of loosing you completely" He explained everything by letting it out of his heart and looking at me sadly smiling.

"I thought you loved Nidhi, And i already said sorry to you guys about Akash matter. I was an idiot to believe him in the first place." I muttered more to myself than him looking down.

"I know you did. I was just saying. You know I never wanted to force my feelings upon you so i always stayed silent because I know how much you are running far away from love. But when you said about Abhilash it was like someone threw ice water on me. Here i was waiting for the right moment to make a move like an idiot, and there someone was already making a move on my love. It was not bearable but I controlled my emotions hardly in front of you that day. And you don't know how happy I was when I got to know that i will be staying with you in bangalore. It was like fate gave me a second chance to correct everything." He said a little excited coming closer to me. I just looked at him being silent to let him complete.

"Athira i never knew what love is until i saw you in that blue colour dress when we first met. You were looking like an innocent beautiful little girl in that dress. From that moment on I don't know when I fell in love with you. I know it's almost like 8 years now but still everyday my feelings and love towards you increased day by day but never i got fed up because of it. Its like seeing you laugh and smile is enough for my daily booster. I know you think im sounding so cheesy. But trust me i didn't even say 5% of how i feel about you. Its like you are my daily drug and I am addicted to this favourite drug. And the weird part is I don't want to get out of this addiction. I love this feeling you create it without knowing." He said placing a hand on my cheek and started rubbing it with his thumb finger looking adoringly.

I blushed knowing that he was this close to me and looking in my eyes with that adoration and love in his eyes. Suddenly I remembered the way he looks at me sometimes and all this time it was the same look he was giving me but me being a fool never got the point. This new revelation made my heart beat faster against my chest and his deep brown eyes looking intently at me.

"I know I always said that you are beautiful but you always took it as a flirting statement. But to be frank Athira you don't know how beautiful you are. And that smile of yours can make anyone smile back in return. And you look cute when you are angry" He said keeping his forehead on mine and looking deep into my eyes which made my breath caught in my throat. I never knew that being this close to Dev would make me feel this type of feelings. Its like i am looking forward to his next move.

God dammit what happened to me. Why am I feeling like this towards Dev. He is my friend for god's sake.

"I don't think so. Haven't you heard a word about what he said up to now?" Enlightened my brain again.

Stop interrupting you idiot.

"I know this is all new to you and you have not expected all these so suddenly. But please trust me Athira, I loved you from so long with all my heart and I love you so much baby. Just give me one chance to prove it that i am not like that bastard. Please" He said coming little closer that his breath is fanning on my face making it only two inches apart from touching my lips to his.

I don't know what to say because I am unable to think straight being this close to him. I can only concentrate on his soft lips and my breath to how to intake more amount of air.

"I love you Athira baby" he said closing the gap between us and claiming my lips in a tender and soft kiss. At first i froze due to this sudden act but i melted to his kissing and started kissing him back slowly. It was like he was pouring all of his feelings in this sole kiss. This kiss is not about passion but it's all about his love towards me. I loved the way his lips are feeling against me. Of Course this kiss is completely different to Abhilash. This one is more tender when Abhilash's kiss was full of passion and breathtaking.

Abhilash?? Oh my god.. Oh my god... Oh my god...

I suddenly realized what i am doing and stopped kissing him back and created a distance between us catching my breath and placing my hand on my lips getting shocked.

Oh my goodness... What have I done?

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