Chapter 21

Again I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock yelling at me to get up. I was tired and drained from the nights before as they were long and eventful. I would probably never get a break from them. I couldn't just be with one or some. They're just extremely jealous. They wanted me to themselves. But I had things to do. A life ahead.

I sighed and rolled off the bed wanting to just stay there and sleep. But I didn't couldn't stay home. If I did I'd just stay here with them. I didn't want to do that.

I got up and started getting ready thinking about how I would have to explain things to Drew. I just hoped he didn't start leaving me from this. I cherished our friendship as it was the only one I had.

I stopped at my words.

I really needed some other friends.

I finished getting ready and headed downstairs with my stuff. Downstairs I saw Jake sitting down at the table with a serious face on. When he saw me his eyes lit up and a smile grew on his face. Me, on the other hand, only kept a tired look on and seeing him only made me groan.

He got up and walked over to me. I tensed up a bit and looked to the side remembering our last time together. My cheeks warmed up as I remembered how he carried me as if I weighed nothing.

I was waiting for him to ask about last night like he did before. To ask for those answers from all our other conversations. But he didn't. He just stood there looking at me with that dumb smile of his.

He pulled me close and embrace me in a hug. He was warm; comforting. He smelled good too making it only more enjoyable. I felt the weight of how things really were in my life and pushed them down.

I wanted to cry there in his arms. But I couldn't. I had to be strong. I didn't want them to see me weak.

I didn't know why.

"I'm sorry. It's ok to cry. I'm here for you."

His voice was low and quiet but enough for me to hear it and feel what he meant.

Tears started biting at the back of my eyes and a lump formed in my throat.

Its exactly what Justin would say.

I wish he was here. I wish he could be helping me through all of this. I wish...

But he can't be here. Wishes can't happen. Wishes are just things to keep people going. And he wasn't going to came back and make that wish come true.

I was alone in this. Only to suffer the thought of him here in the guys in whatever way I felt it.

Too soon Jake pushed me off and I didn't realize I was holding on to him. He caressed my cheek and smiled at me making my heart feel warm.

"It's about time you started heading to school. Don't want to be late, right?"

I nodded my head unable to speak with the lump in my throat.

I grabbed my stuff and headed out the door still feeling like I could cry.

The wind blew playing with my wet eyes begging me to just cry. But I couldn't. I had to stay strong. I've lasted this long.

Thankfully Drew came by my side pushing my thoughts aside helping make things better. He always made me feel better in a way. Maybe I could tell him.

Or not.

I could just keep going with however normal it was now and hope things got better. But Drew saw through me, like always.

"Hey. You ok?"

His voice was low and inviting as if he were being comforting. I just wanted to fall on him and cry, like before. Like with Justin. But a part of me held me back.

"Yeah, just allergies."

I had to lie and the only thing to work was if I said that. He had seen my eyes, heard my shallow breathing. It would be the only thing to work.

"You don't have any allergies."

Or not.

I should have known. He knows me too well.

"It's the pollen. It sometimes messes with me and now it just really is."

He looked at me with a look I was familiar with.

Disappointment.

He knew I was lying. Pollen never messed with me. But he looked like he didn't want to press on the matter.

That wasn't like him.

He would usually beg me to know what was going on. He just had to know everything about me. But now he was holding back.

Why was that?

Why was everything changing now? Why couldn't things just stay the same? Why did life just have to be difficult?

Why?

I wish Justin were here. I wish everything was like a year ago. Then I was fine, happy. Now everything was a mess.

I was getting angry. But I didn't want to be getting angry. I just wanted to go home and sleep.

As if the silence killing him Drew spoke up.

"So did you finish that paper for Lit?"

"Paper? What paper?"

"The one due tomorrow."

Then it hit me. All of my class assignments I was avoiding, or really, being kept from. I had forgotten about all of them. Even my attendance in class was being a little off. I wasn't paying attention.

"Sorry Drew, I've got to go. I'll talk to you some other time."

I quickly ran off, straight to the school to start working on my paper.

It was all their or fault. If they didn't have to be so greedy and selfish I'd have it done by now. I wouldn't have forgotten.

There was no time to just make excuses. I had to work.

I dug out my book from my bag and sped through the story. I had to write a book report on it. Shouldn't be hard, right?

If only I didn't suck at these.