Chapter Eight: "Losing Control"

I look at Mr. Harrison and I see how his mouth moves, saying who knows what, without my wanting to hear anything he is saying. I stare at the blank document on my computer screen and I also notice how all the other students, except me, type everything the teacher says in a hurry.

I snort and force myself to pay at least a little attention and write even one word related to the topic of the class.

My gaze goes to Madison, a stunningly beautiful girl, and I notice her gaze on me. A triumphant smile is drawn on her red-painted lips when our eyes meet. She says something to the boy sitting next to her, her boyfriend, captain of something that does not interest me at all, and he also directs his gaze to my position. My nervousness grows as more pairs of eyes start to look at me and I turn my gaze to my computer screen, trying to ignore them all. I move my eyes to the hands of the clock and impatiently wait for the ten minutes until the end of this class to pass and I can go home.

They know... They all know...

When the sound of the doorbell reaches my eardrums all the air that I was apparently holding comes out of my mouth and I begin to relax my tense muscles. I leave the institute and head to the parking lot quickly. I grab the keys and unlock the car doors but before I can get in, that same unbearable girl from before comes up to me.

"Hi, Karla," she says with a smile that is bright and as fake as she is.

I do not understand how disgusted I have her, I just don't like her, there is no other reason than that.

You know, Karla. Not to be trusted, you know. It's not good, we know.

"Hi, Madison," I reply without much enthusiasm and copy the same fake smile from her.

"Hey, I've been thinking about Diana's proposal and I don't think it would be a bad idea. You know, by the beginning of last year."

I look at her with a frown and I can't help but look away when Dante, her extraordinarily neuron-less boyfriend of hers, arrives and kisses her as long as it is uncomfortable to watch. I make a face and don't try to hide it, I want them to see that they disgust me.

"What proposal? "I manage to say when they've just exchanged drool.

"About the party, silly. Didn't she tell you?"

Silly your mother, you son of a... You can't even reach the sole of our shoe.

"She hasn't told me anything."

"What a friendship," Dante whispers.

Madison glares at him, he shrugs and turns and leaves. His sky blue eyes turn their attention to me and smile at me tenderly.

What's wrong with this girl? Since when does she think she's my friend?

Maybe you think that the cat you don't have has died.

"Well, to the point. I want you to tell Diana that Mendoza has given the go-ahead and that he thinks it's great to do it at his house." When I hear that last name my heart leaps.

"Mendoza?" My tone of voice goes up an octave and I clear my throat to hide it as she smiles at me again with that tenderness that begins to irritate me.

"Yeah, the guy in our class, the one with the black hair and green eyes."

"Yes, I do know who he is." I shake my head. "But what does he have to do with it?"

"It's because we can't have the party at my house since some friends of my parents will be there, and yours well, "she shrugs," we all know that you wouldn't agree. He volunteered to do it at his home."

"Aha," I shrug. "How quickly this boy has created friendship."

I have to seem carefree and buoyed by the idea, even if it's the last thing I want to do is go to a party.

"Well, that's what it takes to be tall, handsome, with money and that bad-boy aura. Everyone loves that kind of man."

Not me.

Don't lie to yourself. You want to see him even if it's the last thing you do.

"You'll tell her from me, right?" I nod. " It's this Saturday. By the way, you are also invited, in case you feel like coming over to say hi, you know. We could celebrate your birthday, which falls this Sunday. I'll buy you a drink. See you, bye.

She winks at me and I watch her go. I see how her body wiggles and you almost see her panties with that short dress that she wears. We are almost ten degrees and she is wearing a dress. I shake my head.

I will never understand this generation.

I get into the car and stare into space, thinking about everything and nothing at the same time. How does she know when my birthday is? How come she knows me so much and I don't even know her middle name?

Oh my lord, Karla.

***

I get home and slam the door shut as I close the door.

"Diana!" I yell from the lobby.

I know she is home. Where else would she be?

I may be exaggerating things a bit but since Mendoza's course began, rather Alex, he has always been present. When I'm working there he is, when I go to class, when I pull my car out of the parking lot, he even haunts me in my dreams. I'm sick of seeing his face and it doesn't help that Sara became friends with Adam and Diana planning parties at his house.

They are troublesome, my dear. And more that men called Alex.

I hear Diana's swift steps down the hall and see her tying her robe around her waist. When she sees me she relaxes for a moment but tenses again when she sees the fury in my eyes.

"When were you going to tell me?"

We both know that it is not good for Diana to talk to Alex, neither with him nor with any Mendoza.

"Tell you what? ”she says confused.

"The party at the Mendoza house."

She finally understands what I'm talking about and prepares an apology speech in her mind but before she puts it into practice I stop her by raising my hand and approaching her.

"I thought we were friends."

What kind of reproach is that, Karla?

"And we are." She frowns, hurt by my words.

"You know I don't like Madison and you help her throw a party at his house."

"Why do you act like that?

"And I don't know what bothers me more, that you have fraternized with her or that the party is at his house."

She frowns even more and again I see the confusion in her gaze.

"Why does she bother you?"

Do not say anything.

"No, I do not know."

"I thought that was the best option. You don't like people walking around the house, or the noise they make, or the music they play. He volunteered. ”She shrugs. "In addition, they have a reputation for wealthy people."

"But if they're new to town, how do you know them so much?"

Again she shrugs.

"Your sister has investigated. When there is someone new she is able to find out even her blood type if she feels like it."

I look at her for a moment thinking about how many times my sister has been a detective.

"True."

I sigh and drop my shoulders in exhaustion.

"I don't know why, but Mendoza bothers me," I whisper.

They bother me, my dear. You love them and I don't understand why. They're fucking busybodies.

"Girl, I really didn't mean to bother you."

"One thing."

"I'm all ears."

"How does Madison know when it's my birthday?"

She looks at me in surprise.

"That girl has a lot in common with your sister. Those two could be FBI agents if they wanted to."

"Yeah, but what do I have that interests her?"

He shrinks his shoulders.

"Who knows."

Someone behind her catches my attention and I discover one of her flirts. I know him from other times but I still can't remember his name.

"Karla," he says my name as a greeting accompanied by a slight nod.

"Mmm, you?"

Diana tries to hide her smile by biting her lower lip and shaking her head. She looks at me and I shrug. It's not my fault that they change boys that fast. It would be easier if they kept one so that they would only have to learn just one name.

"His name is Ethan," she whispers to me when he walks into the kitchen.

"How useful."

"Don't be mean to him."

"Me?"

She gives me the eyes of a slaughtered puppy and I agree by rolling my eyes.

Your friends are unbearable, you know.

Oh, here it comes ...

Suddenly the image of the boy who became Alex the other day appears, paralyzing my whole body. I stand there unable to move a muscle and panic seizes me. I see Diana heading into the kitchen following Ethan but everything seems to go in slow motion.

I blink a few times with the hope that everything will return to normal but in one of those blinks, when I open my eyes, everything around me changes. I am no longer in my living room, I am not even at home, which puzzles me even more. I look around once more trying to know what the hell is happening or trying to recognize something in that room, which is impossible for me.

There's a stupidly big bed with white sheets decorating it like it's from a catalog. The walls have a darker color making any speck of color stand out and everything is so well ordered that simple fact, relaxes me. In the distance, music is playing and I look at the large window that overlooks the street and I discover that it is night.

I frown. What the hell is going on?

The door swings open and I see Alex walking in with someone in his arms. I try to open my mouth to apologize for being there but my body still doesn't respond to me. I look down at the ground without wanting to look at them but that also doesn't work.

Let me see it, Karla. Remember that we do not have to hide anything.

The girl in her arms whispers something I can't understand and I start to get even more nervous when I see Alex start looking for something in the room. But his eyes never come in contact with me, which confuses me.

Am I standing in the middle of this room and you don't see me?

I like it that way...

With his foot, he closes the door and slightly lifts the girl who slips away from him. It is seen that he makes a great effort and I notice that she staggers a little around the room so I deduce that she is already in another dimension due to alcohol and he has little to follow her onto that dimension. Suddenly a feeling of jealousy for that girl with long brown hair comes over me and Megan's smile appears, causing anger to arise in me.

I'm getting sick of repeating it...

"Why did you do it?" Alex says as speaking more to himself than to the girl he's dragging.

The girl answers, with a slight whisper, his name. Her voice rings out to me and Alex seems to weaken the moment his name leaves her lips. He lays her on the bed and I am tempted to approach but I don't, I can't. She curls up on his bed, muttering nonsense words again.

His eyes roam the girl's body and I notice how tense he and the environment get. He slowly approaches her and slowly caresses her arm to which she seems to automatically respond with a sigh. Alex tenses even more and I blush and look away from witnessing something so intimate.

You have to let me see what happens, Karla.

Alex moves and lays the girl on her back. Her hair still obscures her identity from me and I think it's better not to know who she is, for the sake of my sanity.

Little by little and carefully he begins to untie the laces of her shoes and takes them off. I see the effort he makes to stay upright, I see how he bites his lower lip and closes his eyes, and then lets out a long sigh. I do not understand what is happening and confusion and anger is the only thing I detect inside me. And when Alex straddles the girl and unbuttons her pants, I reach my limit.

No more. I don't want to look anymore.

NO!

I close my eyes tightly and when I open them again, I go back to my living room and I have never been so happy to be in my living room before. Diana stands in front of me and shakes me slightly.

"Hey!" She yells at me and tries to match her gaze with mine "Are you okay?"

"What?" I shake my head and am surprised that now my body responds to me. "Y-yeah, I'm fine. Only that I have forgotten the notes in class."

"Are you sure you're okay? You are pale."

"I always am." I try to change the subject and apparently succeed.

I love how idiotic your friends are.

I don't know why I don't tell her what I have seen and even if I did, it is difficult to explain and understand. I go to my room and lie down on the bed. A tear slides down my temple and without understanding why I start to sob. Tear after tear falls on my pillow, wetting it. My chest jerks up and down and hurts, my whole body begins to ache.

I sit on the edge of the bed and put my head in my hands. Am I crying for what I have seen? Am I doing it because I've seen Alex with someone else and you could tell there was something between them? Do I cry for everything I have felt when I have seen him?

No dear, you cry because your time is running out. You cry because you know that this time you will no longer be in command and you know that it may be because it will be the last time you are.

But you keep ignoring my voice ...