Chapter Thirty Five: "They'll die"

Beth Nóvak.

If I was capable of crying, I would.

If I was able to feel anything, no matter how small, I would.

But I can't. I'm not programmed for it. We are not programmed to feel.

And I wonder how special Alex is to Him. Why can he feel? Why can't I? Why does he have to be the favorite? I just don't understand what God was thinking when he created him. Did He know from the start that this would happen? Did He want to experiment and only did it with an angel to see what might happen?

All those questions accumulate inside me and it frustrates me that I don't have the answer to any of them. I am infuriated by the fact that because of Him, all this has happened. If He hadn't created him to feel, he might not have fallen in love with Karla. If Alex was just another angel, he wouldn't have stabbed me just for following orders that he thought were Karla's. If He hadn't made him so stupid, he would realize what he's doing, the damage he's causing.