Building a crime empire

Author here.... If you have any suggestions or corrections for this novel, feel free to leave comments or review! I'll make sure to take your words to heart...! That's all!

The author creating something totally unique, the start was captivating, it caught my interest write away and here I am recommending anyone who sees this to read this novel. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK AUTHOR!

I finally found a novel that contains what I have searched for on this and other sites for over a year now: Realistic organized crime fiction. I like the story even if it feels a bit fast paced. Especially when between later chapters (20-30) it sometimes feels like some scene that was supposed to be in between, was skipped. Like it very much! Would recommend! 9/10 looking forward to new chapters :)

Can someone for the love of god tell me other stories like this? Where does the protagonist create a gang or cartel that becomes as powerful as the army?

Note: I only read 4 chapters. It felt like I was watching a case study in my crim course. The protagonist was chilling to read about, not because descriptions were detailed but due to his reckless decisions and lack of stress in the moment of crime. Despite being written in first person there are actually a lot of points that go unexplained. Decisions are told to the reader then acted upon, not really elaborated on further. It’s a missed chance to get to know the protagonist’s thought process more. Contrary to my previous comment, I think the author has fallen into a trap that you can easily fall into when you write in first person—telling rather than showing. The beginning of the prologue is a good example, there are clearly a lot of emotions but it’s mostly being expressed though monologue. It ends up looking like a rant someone tweeted rather than words in a novel. Describing using literary devices like similies and metaphors can go a long way. Grammar wasn’t terrible, just missed some capitalization of words after the end of a dialogue and a few contradicting use of tenses. At one point there was a section that written in past, present, then past again even though it was referring to the same period in time. I wish you the best on the rest of the novel, Author!