Chapter 17

Amora

As soon as AJ rides off on that death machine called a motorcycle, I stare after him in confusion. I know there's something, but I don't feel that way about him. I gotta tell Raven about it, she might be able to figure it out. Where is Raven? I pull out my cell and punch in her number

"Yeah?" she answers,

"Hey, where did you two go? AJ seemed worried about Ren being alone with you before he left. Did you kill him?"

She sighs, "No."

"Hospitalize him?"

"Nope."

"Steal his virginity and innocence?"

"Ha! He is so not innocent. And as for stealing his virginity… no. Not that I would have objected to it."

I'm having trouble believing that statement. Ren would have done whatever she wanted, and she knows that. Why wouldn't she take advantage of it?

"Then…What did you do to him?"

I can feel Raven roll her eyes

"I only gave him a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. We made out in an alley."

I scoff, "I don't think that's a once in a lifetime opportunity Raven."

"It is when it's with me. That place was filthy, and it smelt like alcohol."

Now it's my turn to roll my eyes

"Whatever. Anyway, I just wanted to make sure you were alive I guess…"

The silence tells Raven all she needs to know about how I'm feeling about going home,

"Do you want to sleepover at my house tonight?" she asks,

"Yes, please." I whine to her, filled with relief at the offer.

"Alright, meet you at my place?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, see you soon." I hang up the phone and breathe a sigh of relief, soon followed by more conflicted thoughts about AJ. What is wrong with me? This is so unlike me. I never let my emotions get so distracting. I never have. Not to mention the person I'm obsessing over is a known criminal and womanizer. I whack myself in the head again. This entire situation I've found myself in is just a mess. I look at the security camera.

"Sooo, I'm gonna sleepover at Raven's house. But I'll be back tomorrow! Anyway, bye mom and I'm sorry about the crazy guy that just kissed me."

I walk back down the cobblestone path and make my way to Raven's house. I'm feeling slightly woozy and I don't understand why the alcohol is just now affecting me to this extent. I mean I suppose it could just now be working through my system due to the adrenaline rush I just had. Sometimes my cat-like body creates strange occurrences like this one. Oh well, it will wear off soon enough. I continue, now stumbling to Raven's house. Wishing AJ was still here so he could give me a ride. Clinging on to him like I was…it felt like…I was supposed to be with him tonight. Not with him with him. But just spending time. A motorcycle zips past me. Then abruptly stops. He gets off the bike and walks towards me. "Amora." AJ smiles. "Just the broad I was looking for. I think you forgot this." He reaches out his palm to reveal a beautiful, shimmering bracelet. Laced with diamonds and it looks just like…just like the bracelet my dad gave me on my 8th birthday. Right before he died. Right before I…. The one I thought I threw in the garbage disposal.

"How did you get that?"

my voice, a whisper. His smile falters "I just found it, on my bike caught on the handles. You're the only girl that's been on my bike in a while and I just assumed…. Is something wrong?"

Tears spring to my eyes and I force a smile. How did it end up on his bike? I haven't seen that bracelet for years. I threw it out on my 10th birthday. I couldn't look at it without thinking about what I'd done.

"No, nothing's wrong." I say politely as I reach out and take it from his hand "Thank you for returning it."

I blink a few tears away, doing everything I possibly can to keep my eyes hidden from his sight. His smile has disappeared, replaced with concern.

"Are you okay? Are you…crying?" I sniffle. He moves towards me to wrap me in a hug

"No I'm fine."

I wipe more tears away from my eyes and start walking away from him.

"Amora." He says gently. Ushering me to tell him the truth. He pulls me up against him and wraps his arms around me.

"What's wrong?" with those words I have no doubt at all on if he truly cares. I sniffle as he wipes tears from my face. My connection to him is undeniable but…what is it?

"Who are you?" I whisper, staring up into his eyes. He gives a sad smile. Knowing exactly how I feel. But not because he can read it all over me…but because he feels it too.

"I have no idea." He whispers back, "But I think I like it."

I laugh. I look at him, really look at him and all of a sudden. I can see it. No, I can really see it. Him, standing in front of his mother, young and helpless. Needing something from the top shelf. She smiles at him, she's kind, a kind heart. She grabs it for him with a smile. Next, he's older now; 12 maybe, his mother is passed out on the sofa, a bottle of vodka in her hand. He walks past her, he came home and wanted to tell her about what happened at school with him and Ren today. Just to find her like this. Drunk. He walks into a room in the back of his house. Into a room, a small boy lies asleep in his bed. His six-year-old little brother, Jason. AJ kisses the top of the little boy's head. After a while, he gives up hope. Got used to coming home and seeing his mother like that. Constantly, but it wasn't just because of her family ties that she started drinking. Images fly past, His dad, angry and malicious. Yelling, and throwing things. Calling a 14-year-old AJ a pussy, a coward, a waste of lif, a faggot. Hitting him, striking him and striking him. Until he's a crying mess. Flash forward, a freshly 16-year-old AJ slicing up his arm. In punishment, of himself. Calling himself those horrible names his father used. More images fly past, A building, AJ standing atop it. One foot dangling, I am filled with such despair, such hopelessness I crumple to my knees, taking him down with me. We topple to the ground together. Images of AJ still flying past in my mind. Wanting the release of sorrow. Wanting to end it in the most possible way. How hard is it to jump off a building? All it takes is one dive…just like a pool. Three little words said over a crackled connection. One small look from a familiar pair of golden eyes. The three simple words that kept him from jumping 'I love you.' spoken by the last person I'd expect. I shove myself away from him. Both of us jump away from each other as if we were burned. AJ is breathless and confused

"What the?" He gives me an accusing look "What did you do?"

Seriously? He thinks I did that

"I didn't do anything. It just…"

I think about everything I saw when I was in his head, his memories. And I know, I don't think he wanted me to know.. because the way I felt when Ren said those words. the way AJ felt….. I let out a breath.

"It just happened."

He makes a move to comfort me. I know I look distressed. But, my woozy feeling is gone. It wasn't the alcohol, it was the imminent vision that was clouding up my mind. I just needed him for it to dissipate. I pull away from his embrace and the next thing that comes out of my mouth, is not what I had expected myself to say after the event that just happened. "So you're gay?" His eyes nearly bulge out of his head. He freezes, then he falters. He shakes his head "I…" he lets out a sigh, "Yeah...I guess I am."

"There's nothing wrong with that AJ, you don't have to sound so ashamed."

He closes his eyes "I know I shouldn't be...but I am."

"Ren loves you."

He looks away from me, refusing to meet my eyes. I can feel his shame, just like I can feel his love for Ren. I realize something as I stare at his pained face, what if the vision went both ways?

"Did you see anything?"

I ask him, suddenly so afraid that he saw what I did. That he knows how much of a monster I am. He nods. Dread fills my gut. He knows, he knows everything.

"You're not a monster." He says quietly.

I look at him with amazement "AJ, I didn't say that out loud." Another nod "I know."

I shake my head

"This is too much for me. I-I need to go to Raven's. I told her I'd be at her place soon."

A hopeful look crosses his face

"Do you want me to give you a ride?"

I put my hand up as he reaches for the helmet on the back of his bike

"No. I'd rather just walk. Please. Leave me alone. I just need to process all of this."

I race off before he has a chance to talk me out of walking.

"Amora!"

he calls after me but I'm too far away for him to ever catch up. I'll be at Raven's before he can even get on his bike.