CHAPTER 23 (1)

Jealousy -1.

SATSUKI.

After what happened, I decided to go home where my grandma lives. This is the only place where I feel at home. I couldn’t focus for a while so I decided to take a rest for a bit. I even took a leave on my part-time to my publisher too. I just hope that he can understand me though. After what I saw...I just don’t know what I should do. I’ve been receiving a lot of miss calls from Harumi, Momo, Oliver, and Aouli. My friends are worried about me. But I just can’t deal with anything right now. I can see that they’re worried about me but it’s my issue..my problem..so I don’t want them to get caught up with my problems. I just want to be alone for now. As soon as I arrived in the mansion, I quickly went out of the taxi then I decided to take my bags and then I went inside the mansion.

When I arrived, I was surprised that Mamoru is there. Why is he here? I clearly stated that I’ll not write for a while. That I wanted to be alone, so why did he follow me here in my grandma’s house? Is he going to scold me again for not being able to draw better in my scenes? Geez, that guy! He’s just the same as that Intern Accountant. Always pestering my life when he wants to. Wait a minute! And why the hell am I even thinking about that guy? If I know he’d rather prefer his fiancee over me. Does he want to marry me? Who will dare to believe that lies now, huh!? He should just go with that woman! I don’t know anymore!

I suddenly raised my eyebrows when I saw him and my grandma talking to each other. Since when did they become so close? My grandma pointed at me and she giggled, “There she is. That beautiful girl is my granddaughter.” She said and Mamoru just nodded at her. “Ah, yes. I got it, grandma.” He said seriously and he got closer to me and he crossed his arms and he glared at me. See, he looked so mad at me. Would he scold me? With that kind of look, he’s surely gonna scold me now. He’s seriously scary.

I gulped a bit and I tried to smile at him as much as I can, “Oh hi! Y—You’re there..” I waved my hand and I tried to smile at him but he still looked so serious. Look at this guy, he doesn’t feel any mercy towards me. I guess it was a wrong move to say hi to him. He’s being so too much to me.

But he’s not going to ask why did I file a leave at work right? I know that I just suddenly decide not to write for a while because I’m too clouded right now. I don’t even know where to start or even explain my situation right now. When I’m thinking about Margaux and her relationship with him I couldn’t feel anything but get jealous. I know that I shouldn’t. Yet my heart aches over him. He was a 3D, he shouldn’t affect me but why? When did I even start to fall in love with a real man? I just don’t know. I just wanted to be with my grandma right now and that’s what I wanted. I can choose what I want to do. Even though I miss my friends already but my situation right now is not that good. I just need to be alone.

He suddenly got closer to me and he crossed his arms, “You better have proper reasons why you stopped writing. Jeremiah told me about it. We should talk right now.” He said seriously and I just bowed at him. He’s always been strict with me. Geez, this man. He’s not making any sense here.

Look at this man, he thinks that he can just order me around like his slave now, huh!? Just when I thought that I can take leave for work peacefully...he decided to run after me here to irritate my day. Just what kind of jerk is he? What does he want from me anyway? Why can’t he leave me alone? This guy is seriously irritating me. I rolled my eyes at him and I sighed deeply and I just accepted my defeat then. It’s not like I have a choice anyway. I decided to went out with him and followed him so that this conversation will be over. I couldn’t help but sigh. Just when I thought that I’ll be free or anything but looks like I wasn’t. I’m already ready for this anyways. For sure he’s going to scold me. I mean yeah, I know that he’s responsible for me because I’m the writer in charge of him. And he’s a publisher you know. I took a deep sigh and looked at him, “Hey, Mamoru. What are you going to tell me?” I asked him seriously.

“Why did you file a leave like that? You haven’t drawn for a week let me remind you that. I thought something might have happened to you. You didn’t know how much it was hard for me to get in here, just to find you and now I’ll just see you here rebelling here? Remember that I was your publisher so keep that in your mind.”He said to me.

If only things were easier to tell, I could have told him about it. I know that I’m running away from everything...that was hurting me, that just one day I decided to disappear. I just don’t know what to do anything but run away. I gripped my fist and I bit my lip and I can’t help but to feel mad when I remember what I just saw...that girl kissed Chang Heng. I couldn’t understand what I feel and I felt so hurt. It feels like my heart was wounded ten times. I shouldn’t be like this but why do I feel this way. I can’t understand what I feel anymore. Even if I was away from him I feel that I always wanted to find him. No matter how parted we are to each other. I don’t understand why I’m doing this. I stared at Mamoru and I bowed down for a while and I cried loudly. He went pale and he suddenly felt so tense. I don’t care what I look like right now, even if I looked stupid here but I couldn’t just help it now that I was so hurt.

Why do I always find the worst in men? I just don’t know what I should do here. I’ve been thinking a lot of things...whether I should just go or should I just continue all my plans because right now I don’t feel like doing anything. I just wanted to prioritize myself and tell myself that it’s okay even if I’m hurting. In the end, I only have myself. I just want to breathe, is that wrong?

Mamoru’s face went pale.

“Hey, Miss Fukumoto can you please stop crying? There’s a lot of people looking at us you know. I didn’t say anything wrong to you, am I?” He asked me and I decided not to give any attention to him. Now, does he have to ask about that right now? He’s making my mood worse!

I stared at him for a while and I shouted, “I just want to be alone so please can you just leave me now!? It’s what I decided and that’s final!”I shouted at him and I quickly ran after the house and locked the doors. He was the one who ruined my moods and now he’s going to ask why am I crying? Is he crazy? He’s not even different from that guy! ARGGGGHHH!!! Why do I have to deal with the type of men who’s a perfectionist at work? I hate this life!

A few more seconds I was surprised when the maids started taking care of my things. I’m not used when someone is doing something to me like arranging my things so I’m kinda new about this thing. I guess I’m used to living alone and doing things for myself. I blink for a while and I smiled at them, “Grandma asked you guys to take care of it, right?” I asked them.

“Yes, that’s right. Before you even came here, your grandma has prepared for everything. So let us do this miss.” They said to me and they started taking my bags and bringing them to my room. I decided to follow them and when I arrived I was surprised at how big my room was. This is somehow different from the everyday life that I have. Because what I only have is a small apartment and I only have a small room. I’m not that picky about the house that I wanted to have, as long as I have a place to live and eat then I’m already content with it. It’s just I’m not used to this kind of place. It’s too big for me, I guess. Geez, grandma. You don’t have to do this for me.