Chapter 5

** Ryan KRIZO **

I'm not very comfortable since I started to feel what I feel for Cynthia and I'm even less than I told her. I hadn't planned on falling in love or even having any feelings for a girl, but it just happened to me and I don't know what to do.

Should I get into a relationship with her or just leave things as they are and hope the feelings pass?

Since this morning I've been sitting in my office in front of this sketch that I've just started, I've only been thinking about it. I think I should take those feelings away because apparently she doesn't feel the same way. The alarm on my cell phone reminds me of my meeting with my boss and a man who wants our services to build his hotel. He asked that we offer him a sketch and together we will make the changes if there must be any. Luckily I finished that before the dilemma arose. I knock and go into the office of Mr. Terry YOUL after his deep and intimidating voice gives me permission, he has worn his sunglasses being in his office which means that he is not really d 'mood. Yes I got to know him, my boss is the type... not the type, he is very intimidating. He almost never talks, never smiles, he wears his sunglasses usually when he's not in the mood but also when it's sunny so when you pass him with his sunglasses you don't know exactly whether he wore them because of the sun or because he's not in the mood or because of both.

With him you don't really know which foot to dance on, I greet him and he points to the seat in front of him to tell me to sit down. He takes his cell phone, which he begins to handle without paying me any more attention. I pretend to look at my sketch to see if everything is perfect. His secretary announces the arrival of our customers and lets him in. We both stand out of politeness to receive him. He extends his hand to me, which I take, followed by a greeting, then turns to the bully and extends his hand to him. Ok I think he forgot one of the principles of Terry YOUL. He never shakes hands with someone this guy!! It stops at oral greetings, nothing more.

Why is he doing this ?

Let the one who is brave come and ask him because there, I am silent!

Despite his bad mood, M YOUL makes the effort to mime a crooked smile by greeting the customer orally. This one remembers and responds with a smile. I feel relieved seriously say, I always feel embarrassed when he does that in my presence. We sit down and start talking. Everything is going well and we agree. I go back to my office and try to focus on my next sketch.

When I start drawing I forget everything around me, architecture is my passion and I have the chance to work with the best of Côte d'Ivoire and number two in all of Africa. I'm so focused that I don't notice it's time for the descent. I put everything away and go home.

I go to open the door to Cynthia who had already told me she was coming. I really don't have the head to make love. I know that's what she's here for, but she won't get anything. She starts kissing me as soon as I open the door for her. I push her away subtly so as not to hit her.

Cynthia: How was your day?

Me (going to sit down): Not bad.

Cynthia (coming to sit down): I only thought of you but especially of your mini you. I really want you!

Me (getting up): Me, I'm starving. Come on, let's go to the table.

She joins me at the table and we start eating the legs. She just talks and talks while I barely answer her. All I can think about right now is whether or not she gives us a chance or better we stop dating.

Cynthia: Ryan how are you?

Me: Yeah!

Cynthia: You look like something else to me.

Me: I was thinking of something!

Cynthia: Tell me.

Me: I was thinking of the two of us.

She puts down her fork and sighs.

Cynthia: Please don't start again.

Me: Okay.

When the meal is over, I go back to the TV where the game I was waiting for started. Cynthia joins me after clearing everything. When she joins me, she sits astride me and begins to kiss me.

Cynthia: I want to have you inside me now.

I don't answer her and I don't respond to her caresses either, even less to her kisses, but when she opens my fly I stop her.

Me no.

Cynthia: What's going on?

I take it off and pull up my fly.

Me: I don't want this anymore.

Cynthia: What?

Me: I don't want there to be anything but sex between us anymore. I told you how I felt but you pretend not to understand.

Cynthia: That's not what we agreed

Me: I haven't forgotten it but I just want to change things.

Cynthia: Why do you want to ruin our time? We are very comfortable like that and we get along well. If we get into a relationship things will start to go downhill. We'll be arguing all the time just like now and I don't want to bother with all these things.

Me: So you're going to keep running away from relationships for life?

Cynthia: Maybe yes, maybe no.

Me: Listen to me, I don't want to do this anymore. Yes I wanted to but the feelings ended up settling and I can't help it. So rather than continuing to pretend by considering you only as a hookup and taking the risk of sharing you with another, I prefer to have you as a girlfriend and keep you for myself alone. I want us to try Cynthia and if it doesn't work at least we tried.

Cynthia (lowering her head): I'm sorry but I'd rather not.

Me: Ok okay and in this case, we will stop everything there. If I can't have you as a girlfriend, I refuse to have you as a date.

Cynthia: You're not serious Ryan!

Me: Oh only if I am.

Cynthia: What the hell do you want to ruin?

Me: I want to improve everything Cynthia instead.

Cynthia: Ok then don't count on me.

Me: It's up to you.

She stands there looking at me in surprise and decides to leave, all upset. I have no intention of going back on my decision. I prefer not to have any more contact with her.

*** Cynthia GUEU ***

I don't know what Ryan has with this relationship thing. I don't want to get into a relationship. He does not understand that I am afraid to commit myself again. Yes I'm attracted to him, I even think I love him but I'm scared. I prefer not to think about it anymore and go have fun. I had been invited by a former pigeon but I had refused to go spend the day with Ryan. I call him to tell him I'm free. We meet in a bar. I go home to dress accordingly. Since Ryan doesn't want us to have fun together anymore, well, I'll go find myself elsewhere. Besides, I'm really excited.

I'm having so much fun that I forgot my conversation with Ryan. I prefer to be a free woman. I don't want to be accountable to anyone or even deprive myself of this or that to please anyone. I want to live my life as I see fit. I was poorly rewarded the last time I sacrificed my life for a man.

Simon my old ass plan puts me at ease tonight. Our table is filled with different alcoholic drinks and a bottle of champagne. I get up from time to time to sketch dance steps on the music of different sounds that sound to break our eardrums. Simon comes to stand behind me and rubs his penis against my buttocks. I feel his hand slip under my mini-skirt and move towards my privacy. The light is dim, so there is no way that we can be seen and then we don't care. We're not the only ones flirting. When Simon's fingers find their way into me, I push him away. I felt weird. I don't want anyone other than Ryan touching me. I only want to make love with him. I apologize to Simon, I take my wallet and I leave. Along the way I try to convince myself that I shouldn't get into a relationship with Ryan. Above all, I must not give in.

Corn ... ?