[5] Asymptotic

It was March.

"Love, I'm sorry."

Sho said, unable to look into her eyes. Giya's bright face turned solemn at his sudden apology.

This big, tall boy of a man hunched his shoulders and hung his head low, hair dyed blonde obscuring her sight of his face. A considerable feat, since she was about a head shorter than him.

They met up at the door of her house for their usual weekly date, something that Sho never failed to block off in his calendar. Did something come up?

"Sorry for what, love? Come here," Giya reassured, attempting to close the distance between them with a hug, but Sho held her back by grabbing her by the arms, still not looking up.

Cuddle bug Sho Han, rejecting affection? Giya was greatly concerned.

Today marked their 15th month together. He had been busy with work recently, being singled out for an early promotion, but still made time to come see her like this every week, something she cherished deeply and made sure to communicate every time.

"Do you need to go? It's okay," Giya reasoned, and Sho finally stirred, meeting her eyes for the first time today.

"No, I don't want to go.

I... can we go inside?"

They did, wordlessly. He sat himself on her light grey couch, elbows on his knees and head in his hands. His girlfriend ran through the possibilities as she went to the kitchen and prepared two glasses of water.

He could have a meeting booked over our time together, and have to leave in a few minutes.

No work bag, though. Sho loved that bag.

There might have been a family emergency.

He would have already said it, wouldn't he?

He could want to break up.

Giya paused her ruminations.

'That would be okay,' Giya thought, resuming.

'I'll hear him out and comply genially.'

It's not like it was the first time she imagined it while living this waking dream. Sho was an incredible and loving man, and she didn't deserve him.

She sat to his right, placing a glass before him and taking a sip from her own.

What could he not tell her so easily?

Giya heard him take a deep breath. She kept herself calm, reminding herself...

'I already chose to love you.'

"Love, I met my ex earlier today."

The girlfriend before her, she noted. His first partner, like he was to her. She wanted to pat him and tell him she was fine with that, but she let him continue first.

"She... she kissed me, and I kissed back, and I wasn't thinking, love- I-I'm so sorry..."

He dug his head further into his arms in shame, voice breaking with the threat of tears.

Giya felt relieved.

She was glad that a kiss was all it was. She was glad he was on the verge of crying because of his loyalty, his love for her.

She was glad that it wasn't worse.

But that was not something to say to her boyfriend right now.

He was quiet now, waiting for her response. Or maybe trying not to cry.

Was she supposed to blow up at him? Throw him out? 15 months of love and the promise of more, all for a stray kiss?

She tried to make her voice as soothing as possible.

"How am I supposed to react, love?"

He lifted his head up to peer at her face.

"You... Are you disappointed?"

Giya shakes her head slowly, mindful of frightening him.

"I'm not, love. You've kissed her plenty before, I'm sure. One more wouldn't hurt."

His eyes gleam softly.

"Also, you know I love you."

His voice doesn't break when he replies.

"But didn't I technically cheat on you? Isn't that a horrible thing?"

Giya smiled reassuringly.

"Is it that bad? I'm new to this, so I don't know how hard I'm supposed to take it."

His eyes lost the gleam, mouth now set in a stern line.

"Well, I'm glad, and sad that you're okay with it, but I promise I won't let it happen again."

Giya wanted to huff at that, lip twitching in annoyance, but she decided to focus on allaying him first.

"Well, I'm not okay with it, but it's not like I can do anything about it now, right?"

His lips turned downward.

"I'm sorry."

"If you are, then move on, my love. No use getting caught on it. I'm not."

"I'm thankful for you, love. I love you. A kiss with another girl won't change that."

His eyes softened a bit more, but the light doesn't return. Moments later, he flops back into the cushions, breathing out a big sigh.

"Haaa... I'm hungry. What's for dinner?"

Sho's normal demeanor returns, and Giya chuckles, walking into the kitchen.

"Sweet and Sour Fish."

She puts on her cat-themed mittens and picks up the ceramic bowl carefully, bringing it over to the dining table, where Sho waits.

His eyes weren't as bright, and he was usually so eager. Did she do something wrong?

Her mittens slipped.

"Oh-"

_______________________________________________

It would have been hot, but she didn't drop it. Not then, and not now.

She was greeted by the pale ceiling and the sound of her 0600 alarm.

~All this white noise in my head dies down...~

~Oh, your love drives out my fear...~

She rose out of bed and picked up her phone, dismissing the alarm. She noticed the date.

"...It's already been a year, huh."

A year since they broke up.

Giya got ready for the work day.

The world wouldn't spare her any sympathy.