Hidden truth

#Jang pov #

(Warning : sensitive and self destruction included)

"Have a good day miss"

I bid goodbye to the customer with her requested expensive flowers .

The fancy red roses bouquet with pepero boxes.

Rich lady...

Damn

Can't stop thinking about her Gucci coat!!!!!

And the shop is silent again.

Unlike other days it's not so busy

I got up from the counter rearrange my flowers making them perfect, waiting patiently for next customer to arrive..

Uff!!! I should have look up for online businesses, why my ma never let that happen!!! She still thinks technology isn't good enough for all this flowers business thing.

"Sweetie, it will get too complicated, and your so young to get hold on that business "

Remembering her words makes me feel devastated.

She still think I'm her baby.

I'm good enough, she still doubt my value..

And I'm so sick of convincing her that I can make her proud.

Only if she gives me a chance...

My phone ringtone put a full stop on my train of thoughts.

It must be my brother!

What he wants now at this hour?,

Ahh! He must be cooking again and

probably wants to know about the recipe of something.

Without looking into the caller ID , I swipe green.

"Oppa...Can't you use google or YouTube for cooking recipes. I'm tired of repeating the same dishes again and again. It's a simple problem and the simple solution is to open up the YouTube and watch the video and leave this sister alone in peace" I plead him this time in one breathe without giving him a chance to speak so he will get annoyed and cut the call . Last time when I explained the recipe he nearly burn down the appartment and blamed me.

Loser.. 'Can't- even- make- tea- loser'

"Umm... If I were him, I won't even bother you calling, I just take away your food instead" He chuckled..

Shit shit shit

I looked over the callers ID and now I'm embarrassed

"Han! Sorry, I miss took you as my brother ... Ummm.. H-how can I help you". Facepalmed myself.

" Umm.. Nothing actually, just checking in if your ok" He said

I can clearly feel he's worried about something.

"Well, I'm fine.. W-why would you think that I'm not ok? Is something wrong?.

" Umm.. I don't know , where are you now, at the flower shop?

"Yes, where else I could be ? Well not on the Hejin unnie pharmacy store right now? Everything ok? I can sense your not "

"Well, I just saw your father taking your mother in the car, they were in a hurry.. I don't know.. I just saw them in the street driving off. .. Your mom.. I don't know she's... Actually.... She doesn't look good.. So I thought your now at the hospital or something... I.. "

"Well you might have mistook by someone else, there is no way that gonna happen.. "

''Well do I look like I don't recognize you parents where I used to see them since I was born.. Neighbor?, There's no car on your garage and the garage door is still open "

Shit, something happened

"Ok thanks for letting me know, I'll call you back "

I hung up and dialed to my ma's phone, and...

It's just went to voice mail..

I have never in my life.... Got....

Ahhh

She's didn't take my call!!!

With in seconds I found myself grabbing my bag closing the shops and cycling through out the town.

Shit I forgot my coat..

Who cares..

Thousands of questions popping in my head. .

Why they didn't call me?

Is she ok?

She just got her check up last week.

I knew they are trying to hide something from me, from the very first moment!!!

Even Dr Liu, she... Ah... I can't believe it..

Wait..does my brother knows!!?

Probably not?

Should I call him?

Wait... Jan...

Calm yourself, you are just overthinking .

Yes!!! That's what father and Dr Liu was talking something..... In her office

What was.. They..

I nearly forgot everything around me, my body was just applying force on the paddle to get there as fast as I can and the questions in other hand distracting it badly.. Tears forming in my eyes , blinking them away to see the road..

And then..

I couldn't even paddle fast or hit the brakes or to do whatever to not to get hit by the car which drive over me from the side street..

As soon as it hit me. The force acted weird and end up falling hard and my vision got blurry, I couldn't even think properly..

..................

I opened my eyes, hearing cars around me was honking , it's getting louder and louder..

I think I just passed out for a minute

Ouh!! My head hurts!!

Where on earth am I?

I saw a man kneeling and facing towards me on my face level, I was at the side of the road..He's in his Twenties, wears a mask matching with white bottom up shirt and black jeans and I easily understand he's still new to driving a car.

Probably he might be the one who hit me on his new car...

He helped me stand up from the ground and I checked myself if I had broken ribs or something but just some bruises on side of my forehead, and arms

Phew..nothing broken!!

"You ok miss, I'm so sorry!! I didn't... Oh my god your bleeding.. I can get you to the hospital .. Im a doc.. -

He said shaking in front of me

And now I'm back into my sense..

Hospital!

Maa !!!!

" It's ok,I'm fine,I'm so sorry wasting your time... I should go now... Again I'm sorry.. " I cut him off

Even though he offered me to take me to hospital which is my only destination in my mind, I really don't want him to take me in his new car and hitting somewhere else.

I want to see my ma.. And I don't want her to see me ending up in mortuary.

I located my bicycle and see it's in good shape too. I was about to took off but the man didn't let me go, he stood in front of my bicycle.

"I'm so sorry again, Im actually.. New at this... Let me repay you.. " He started to fiddle with his wallet with shivering hands.

And this time it's really making my blood boils .

"Look Mr!! I'm in no mood for this right now, I need to go now, I'm really in a hurry.. If you want to repay me just stand aside !!!!! "

He was shocked by my words and did what I just told.

..............

I wiped my forehead over and over again with a towel to make it stop bleeding . Extra clothes are always available in my bicycle basket or in the storage room as because after cleaning the shop I myself will be sweaty and wet by watering the flower. I took out a long sleeve hoodie and a beanie both to cover up my bruises

I rushed through the door and I bumped into Dr Liu

Well she looked surprised and worried..

"Miss Lee , what are you doing here?you ok? "

She asked and Making other nurses around her leave .

I always knew her and we have been like close but ...she hid this...

I can't even believe it..

"Where's my mom? " I asked straightforward.

"Umm what are you talking about? .. She's not h-

I'm done with her lies and I turned around and run through the stairs and found the usual room where my ma always take whenever she's admitted here.

And like I was expected..

She was propped up on pillow white sheet covered her eyes widen. My eyes went to her side monitor was active ..and father..

He was sitting there in his usual seat and look up at me when he saw me standing on the door way. I swallow the lump in my throat, fight back my tears.

"What's going on!? "

It's the only thing came out of my mouth .

My mom didn't said anything, she just hung her head low.

Dr Liu showed up behind me and stepping into the room.

"Ok miss Lee, clam down..you h-

" How am I supposed to be clam down when my mom is admitted here for no reason, she's good health as like you said, her cancerous tumor has been removed and last check up went good and why the hell is she here!?, and you both didn't even bother to call me "

I breath through the pain, the pain which I was bottling up for so long and letting it out through words and trying to hold back my tears and hoping my beanie wouldn't soak with blood.

Don't be weak.

Don't cry.

"Let me explain, if you give me a chance"

I nodded, I don't want mom to explain it anyway, it's gonna hurt her more, and I don't expect anything from my father. Dr Liu took me to the hospital cafe. I took a seat and she arrived with two coffee and sat across me.

Dr Liu is an oncologist, short brown hair ,young ,attractive.she's really close to my parents since my ma's was addmited here , two years..

That's how long I know her. kind heart.. Look after my mom really well.. But why did she..

"Your usual coffee" She slide a coffee cup to my side.

"My ma's not *NEC? Right? "

I took the cup ,wrapping my hands around it to feel the warm.

Her eyes softened, she took off her mask and sips from her coffee. And began to explain.

"Two years back her cancerous tumor has been removed and we gave her Chemotherapies and radiations but it's not that easy, and again it's back last year we did the same procedure and lastly took PET scan.. In the scan its.. It kinda spread throughout her lungs, liver and... The.. ,well the point is..the cancer is spreading. But we are doing whatever we can to reduce it "

My breathing became heavy by absorbing her words ,I took of my mask.

"And my ma told you to keep it away from me! ? " I asked tightly griping on the cup.

"Yes, she doesn't want you to know now and..

"But it will be known someday" I cut her off

"She doesn't want you to know about it and stress you more with the business , she has already made it hard for you and now I'm telling you that let her be here, she have moved to stage three by now and we will take care of her. "

I didn't say anything more..

She's right, my ma needs to be here now, but more she's here the more I'm afraid I'm going to loose her .

"And now.. She's.. "

"Her blood count suddenly dropped which is why she fainted and your father came rushing"

"Can I stay here with my ma "

"Jang, I wish I could but..it's not like before.. Covid virus has make it difficult for it,our department have strict orders, especially oncology department. If a cancer patient gets covid,its not easy..ever..Your mother alone is taken care of nurses and doctors. Please understand.. "

"Ok"

"How long have you been hiding this from me and brother "

"Umm three months.. But your brother knows about it"

Uh!!

I'm going to kill that brat the second his foot touches my house!!!!

"I think I'll just talk to ma, and leave"

............

"I'm so sorry dear " My ma cried in my arms.

I was sitting on the side chair stroking my ma's short hair, keeping myself distanced from her a little for not to be caught of my bleeding body.

Father left the scene already

"It's ok, I know your just overprotective mother" I smiled

"But, secrets between you and your son !! Not cool ma!!" I pouted

She smiled, "actually, it's your brother told me not to tell you"

"What the hell!!!? "

She laughed because of my confused face expression.

"I'm sorry dear "

"You don't have to apologize for anything, it's not your fault"

Yeah! it's my sweet oppa's fault, wait until he gets home, I'm gonna sharpen my knife.

"Oppa could have told me this, so I could take care of you even more and you won't have less blood count to faint" I pouted, she just looked at me with her beautiful eyes, like admiring me..

"Where's father ?" I asked

"He left already, the room should have at least one person with the patient on visiting hours "

"Uff!! Covid "

"Jan"

"Mmm"

"Be at the shop and take care of it, and don't worry about me any more I'm well taken care of, I know your father and you have no connection for years and I know how much you hate when I'm here and you are trapped in house with your appa . Please take care of yourself and...

"And.... " Repeating her word

"Please cook for your father, he's terrible cook and you can't make him starve to dead "

I laughed

"Ma!!! I'm not that heartless person!!"

"I know, your me" She said cupping my cheeks, and I did the same

"And I'm you, I'm strong like you ma, so don't worry about me .You're even stronger than me as you have defeated this cancer two times....

And you have to defeat it one more time and I'm with you always"

I hugged her

"I'm gonna miss you"

"I'm gonna miss you most"

.............

A home without ma is just a house.

I hate when she's not here

I hate when she has to face it

I hate being alone..

Especially with my father

Thank god he just hang out in his room, working on his computer and only comes out for food and water when I'm here.

It's night and late .....and tired of long weird day so I pick up some food on my way and set it on father's door .

My appetite has been lost hours ago.

I took off my beanie and examined my wound in front of my bathroom mirror

It's not that deep

I cleaned all my wounds and applied antibiotics cream and bandaged it .

I got it covered by the sweats.

I looked myself in the mirror again

My eyes and nose are red and I hate when it happens. Why does she have to go through all that, can't believe my brother did that to me.

Broken again..

I hit hard on the mirror because I hate to see myself like this,

I hate you!!!

Where's the strong Jang Mi!!!

I hit again and again.

Until I found myself calm down..

Breaking and smashing things clams me down. And everyone knows it

I looked down and saw broken glass pieces mixed with blood.

Shit!!

I'll clean up later ..

I took few more bandages and put it on after picking out the tiny pieces of glass through my skin, the pleasure of pain is addicts me again..

Shit!! No Jan no!!!

Don't let your bad habit of cutting yourself answers your mental pain .

My head was hurting and I'm out of Aspirins ..

Just great...

I collapsed on my bed and checked my phone which was in silent

Unread Messages

Oppa (117)

Heejin unnie (16)

Ji-hoon oppa (10)

Missed Calls

Oppa (37)

Heejin unnie (5)

Ji-hoon oppa (2)

Father must have informed my lovely brother today's hospital case, which in my life never seen this much calls and messages from him

Heejin unnie must have been worried.

And speaking of the devil..

Heejin unnie calling me now...

I smiled myself to gain good posture at my phone..

"Hey!" I said trying to make it possible to not to get caught from crying.

"Hi, you left early, everything ok? "

"Yeah, I'm a... You know.. My brother.. No my ma..she called me home for helping in dinner, she said she wants to cook "

Ufff I'm terrible at lies

"Oh really? "

"Yeah"

"Oh sweetie your still a beginner at lies"

Damn it!!!!!

"Fine!! I just find out my mom not NEC,as my whole family hides this shit from me and things are getting worse and she's addmited in the hospital and I'm at home with my father.. and having a really shit day and of course..night"

"Oh my... I'm sorry dear ..

Do you need me to come for a sleepover"

"No, it will make things worse, I just want to be alone , ok ? "

"You sure, I can make you-

" Unnie.. I'm fine, Im just tired "

"Ok, call me when you need me "

"Ok, good night"

"Good night"

I hung up

Uhhhh good night!!! ?? I'm having a worst night here...

I need some air and something to let my pain to fade.

I put on a comfortable sweater and took a vodka bottle from fridge

I'll put another bottle before he wakes up and find it's missing. He won't even bother if it's missing..

I made my way to the gazebo in my garden, I sat and drank the whole bottle in one sip .

The sensation it gives was so smooth and calms my nerves, I don't feel the pain anymore..

physically and mentally....

I noticed my father's room, the lights were off.

Yup he's old so.. He turns off light early..

My phone started buzzing again.

Oppa calling.....

I don't want to talk to him right now.

I don't feel like..

He never keep secrets from me.

Ever...

And I don't want to ruin my mood again which I gained from this sweet alcohol..

I switched off my phone....

and kept looking the stars and the moon..

The street lights were no match for them..

I find myself in a beautiful world where I finally forget the reality in a breeze on wind taking me higher than ever

..............

Author:-

Hello.....

I know what I wrote just know is kind of self destruction thing...

But keeping those feeling and bottling up doesn't do any good..

So find some who gives you comfort and who are good listeners,

It's worth all of the pain..

And....

Don't be a silent readers..

Coment your thoughts.

Love author ❤

Vocabulary

NEC :- No Evidence of Cancer

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