Chapter 156

  The warmth of his breath on top of my scalp moves away; he’d been resting his face in my hair the whole time as I was breathing him in, painfully familiar.

  “Emma, this … us … it’s toxic. We just fight and feel angry with each other all the time.” He sounds defeated while my head is screaming at me to say it, to open up and tell him … tell him that how I’ve behaved, how I’ve reacted and held back, is all in the past …tell him that I want him to see the real me. I want him to finally get through my walls. I want to show him the constant inner chaos of my fucked-up mind. But I can’t.

  Old Emma still has control over my mouth, and she’s mortally wounded. Old Emma is recoiling in fear of rejection because he is already hurting me and pushing me away.