Admiration and Regret

It's been a week now since I've started my high school life and honestly it's going rather well. Classes are enjoyable, I've gotten use to the layout of the campus, and I think I've even established a nice friend group to stick with! I've gotten closer to Maggie, my desk neighbor. We eat lunch together and she even helped me with writing some more chapters in a story I'm working on. Katlyn has also opened up to her a bit, which makes me even more happy. It's always great when your best friend can make friends with your new friends. Speaking of Katlyn, she has been really busy with volleyball. Even though it's her first week here, she is already playing in practice matches. I knew she was good and I'm so proud of her too. "Maybe I should do something to celebrate her hard work." I ended up thinking out loud as Maggie and I were eating together. "Huh? Who's hard work?" She asked me which made me blush and cover my mouth. "Oh nothing! No one, just uhh, thinking about my dog!" I lied out of embarrassment for the fact that I got caught thinking out loud. Maggie squinted at me and gave me that 'oh really' look that people give you when they know you're lying. "Oh fine…I was talking about doing something for Katlyn. It's only been a week but she has been so busy with volleyball and I just wanna… well I wanna do something for her to let her know I'm proud of her." I said glancing back toward Katlyn's desk that's as empty because she was with the volleyball team for lunch. "Oh? Heh, that's adorable! What were you gonna do? Throw a party? Or maybe get her a gift?" Maggie asked as she was all for this it seemed. "Well… I don't really know. Katlyn has never really liked parties or gifts much. I don't know that she likes food. So, I was thinking of maybe making her a special dinner or something." I said with a slight redness to my cheeks. I felt like I was maybe doing too much, but it's how I've always been. Katlyn didn't really like to make big deals about things but I always jumped at the chance to do something fun! Maggie was grinning as she held my hands. "That's a perfect thing to do then! I'm sure she will love it!" She encouraged me as the bell rang for the end of lunch.

For the rest of the class day I was stuck thinking about how this would go. I would run scenarios in my head and try and make them perfect. However, as the constant worrier that I am, they always ended badly. Still, I remembered that this was no different from any of the other items I had done something for her. Thinking about that I decided just what I'd be able to do for her. I went off campus down the street a little ways to a nearby shopping center and food market. I got some ingredients for dinner and some special ingredients to make a special dish for Katlyn.

As I was paying for it all, I noticed Claire walking around outside along the sidewalk with a taller and firmly built gal. She had short red hair and a tank top on, which revealed how well built her arms were. 'She's kinda like Katlyn, but super tall.' I thought as I walked out with my bags and kinda eyed them a bit more. I didn't even realize it but I was following them from a distance. My legs just sort of moved and I couldn't help but be curious as to who this girl was. Claire seemed the closed off type, but I suppose even introverts have friends, right? They seemed to walked a ways away and ended up standing against the rail of a small wooden bridge in a park that was just a mile out from campus. 'The heck am I even doing? God I'm such a stalker. I blame reality tv for this!' I was standing a ways away just kinda watching as I tried to not look like a total creep. That's when I saw it! 'Whoa whoa hey! D-did she just-… but their both….huh?!' I couldn't believe what I saw. I felt even more awkward for watching them now and I quickly ran back to campus. Unfortunately in my panicked state, a few things from the bags. As I reached the dorms and made my way up to the safety of my own, I completely freaked out when the door closed behind me. "Oh my god!?" I said as I tossed the bags on the counter, rushed to my room. Then I proceeded to scream into my pillow like one of those girls that just looked at by their crush. "Eeeekkk!? Oh my gosh!? This is just like that manga I read. No way! No way!! They totally kissed! I saw it happen, And I still can't believe it. Claire… ooh I wanna ask her all kinds of questions now. Ugh I need to tell Katlyn about this!? Just wait till she hears about… Wait! I can't do that. If I do that she'll know I was watching her. And it will probably hurt her feelings if I just shared her private life like that. She'll totally think I'm some pervert stalker too…" I was filled with all kinds of conflicts about what I had just witnessed and what I should do about it. It got me so deep into my head that I lost track of time until I heard someone else enter the dorm. Claire seemed to be back now and I knew that I couldn't bring it up so I decided to try my best to ignore it completely. Hopefully I'll be able to finally snap out of it once I get started on cooking.

Claire walked in with a shy smile as she set down her things by the table and walked over to the couch. She then just fell into it with a huge sigh of relief as if she just finished something really difficult. I decided I should make myself known and walked out of my room. "H-hey! Welcome back. How was your day?" I said trying to make some small talk a soon headed to the kitchen. "Oh hi. I didn't realize you were already here. It was good, how was yours?" Claire said sitting up and fixing her hair a little so it didn't look messed up. "Oh it was fine. Hey, if you're ok with it, I was gonna make some thing for Katlyn, like a special little dessert thing. Would you want something like that too? I have plenty of ingredients…" it was then at this moment I realized that there were missing items in the bags. Examining it closer I noticed holes. 'Oh crap!?!' It hit me that by running line I was I must have shook the bags so hard that some stuff broke through and fell out. "Huh? Is something wrong?" Claire asked me as she noticed the sudden shift in my demeanor. She got up from the couch and headed over to me seeing the things spread out on the counter top. "I uh…I think I dropped some things on my way back from the store. And some of them were pretty important for what I was gonna make…" I admitted as I just slumped over, my head fallen into my arms as I just felt depressed now. "Oh, I'm sorry Sophie. Is there anything that we can do with what we have? Maybe another dish you can make with just what we have here?" Claire threw out this idea in hopes to provide some form of comfort and aid for me. I sighed and peeked out from my arms at the ingredients and ran through the recipes I knew off the top of my head. It took me a while but I finally remembered something that Katlyn actually helped me make before when we were younger. "Thanks Claire! I think I have just the thing." I said giving her a hug for snapping me out of my rut and I got to work. Claire smiled. "Happy to help." She said before heading back to the couch.

After a few hours I had finished up just as Katlyn was walking through the door. "I'm back…" she said with exhaustion. She then walked over to me and gave me the, 'feed me I'm tired' look that I'm oh so use to. "I know just go sit at the table. Oh, but wash your hands first!" I said as Katlyn headed over to the bathroom to do that. I set the table with the help of Claire and then served the food. As Katlyn got back she noticed what it was. "Hey isn't this that thing we made together? I can't believe you still remembered how to make it!" She said as she sat down to eat. I smiled and sat down as well with them. "How could I forget when this use to be all you ever wanted to eat! I mean you begged me to teach you specifically how to cook this for yourself and then you messed up the recipe so bad that it ended up something different completely." I said with a laugh remembering those days. We chatted while we enjoyed the dinner and just kinda talked about our days.

After a few moments when we finished up the food, I got up and went to grab the special little dessert I made for Katlyn that I left in the kitchen. It was a small little brownie that I made to look like a volleyball. As I was adding some small touches, Claire walked into the kitchen and put some dishes in the sink. She then looked at me with a serious look that caught my attention. "Hmm? Something you need?" I asked her as I noticed it looked like she wanted to say something. "Oh nothing really I uhh… well, I had a question about something." She said which piqued my interest. "Oh? What's up?" She got close and looked at me. "Are you…dating Katlyn?" She asked me which totally threw me for a loop. So much so that I dropped the plate back on the counter. "Wh-wh-what?!" I was panicked. 'Is that what we look like? No way! We're just friends, how could we be anything else? We've known each other since elementary. Besides I'm not gay. I like boys, and I know that I don't have any feelings for Katlyn. Why would Claire even ask that?' In my flustered and frantic state I caught katlyns attention after dropping the plate. "Hey are you guys ok?" She asked as she walked over, but that's when I said something I will always regret. "I'm not weird like you Claire I don't like girls like-" by the time I realized what I said it was already too late. Claire looked at me and all three of us were silent. Katlyn didn't understand and was about to break the silence when suddenly Claire shoved me and ran to her room shutting the door with a slam. Katlyn yelled out at her for shoving me but was still so confused. "The hell was all that? What happened? Soph? You ok?" She asked as I just fell to the floor on my knees and started to tear up. "Ahh! Hey don't cry!? What's wrong?? Sophie I don't understand what happened?" Katlyn was trying to comfort me but also just didn't understand at all what was happening. She sat with me on the floor of the kitchen and just held me for a bit and let me cry. Claire was in her room crying hard into a pillow alone. That night I never got to give Katlyn her special dessert. Instead, I think I ruined the growing friendship between the three of us as roommates.