Bittersweet Reality

I didn't get much sleep last night at all. Even as I was getting ready for the day, I was struggling to focus on anything other then what happened with Claire. "I can't believe I'm so stupid! Why would I say something like that?" As I laid back down on my bed, all I could think of was the look on her face as those words left my lips. "She looked so empty… like her whole world was just shattered." I rolled over and squirmed around restlessly as I just couldn't calm down.

Suddenly a knock at my bedroom door snapped me out of it. "Hey Sophie? Are you ok? You weren't at breakfast so…" The door opened slowly as it revealed Katlyn behind it. She was worried about me, having known my past, and came to check on me. "I'm alright Kat, just… wasn't hungry this morning." I gave her the best fake smile I could manage to try and ease her concerns, but she saw right through my mask and poked me right in the forehead to break it. "What's the real Sophie have to say?" She said with a soft and comforting tone of voice as she took a seat on the edge of my bed by me. I couldn't hold it in anymore, not around Katlyn, not when she could so easily see through me like glass. I rolled over and shoved my face deep into the pillow, already stained from tears that were shed last night, I added more into its cover as I squeezed it tightly. I couldn't see her face, but I could tell how she was looking at me based on the gentleness of her hand along my back. She was doing her best to give me gentle comfort and encouragement to let out the pain I've tried to hold in. Even with how I cried myself to sleep last night, and even here and now as morning was already upon us, Katlyn was by my side giving me unconditional love and care. She's always been the one to comfort me, throughly my life since meeting her, that's all she's ever done for me. When I got yelled at by my favorite teacher, when I got rejected by my crush, when my parents split up, and even when I saw a rabbit get hit by a car. Katlyn has been there, by my side, helping me just let out my feelings, so that I can start fresh with it washed out of my system. "…k…ou…" I said completely muffled by the pillow I was pressed in. "Hmm? Sorry Soph, you know I don't understand pillow talk." Katlyn said brushing my hair to the side as she tried to see my face. I felt like I was a toddler being cared for by their mom. I rolled my head over a little unable to really look at Katlyn and just muttered "I said….thank you…" and then rolled my head back into the pillow. Katlyn was grinning a little. 'She's always so cute, and stubborn, when she gets like this. Well, at least I know she's feeling a bit better if she's willing to say something.' Katlyn had practically mastered the art of comforting me with how often she's had to do so. She's so use to it in fact that, even by small mannerisms, she can tell exactly what kind of emotions I'm holding in.

As I was laying there much calmer then I was and had finally stopped crying, I felt Katlyn push me over. As I was opening my eyes to see what the deal was, she plopped her self right next to me laying there staring right into my eyes. "So, wanna talk about it now? Or should we just lay here for a little longer?" She asked me with a smile that seemed to just warm me up like the sun. "Wah! I… well, it's kinda c-complicated." I began as I felt like my words were getting caught in my throat. My mind wandered. 'I don't think I've ever been this close to her before. Have her eyes always been so bright? She smells nice, is it her shampoo? Her skin looks so smooth, I wonder if she'd let me feel it later?' But as it wandered my face grew red. My imagination began to take off with the strange thoughts I was having. I began to mix in the memories of seeing Claire and instead taking her place. I started to think about different things that I'd never bothered to notice before about Katlyn, and then I snapped out of it as I felt the cold and gentle press of a hand on my head. "Wow you're actually pretty warm. Maybe you should stay back from class today. To stress yourself out enough to get a fever isn't good. Here I'll go get some water!" Katlyn said getting up quick and heading off to the kitchen. I rolled over on my back and looked up at the ceiling. My mind was blank as I just stared at the fan as it slowly spun around. My mind empty and all I could hear was the sound of my own heart thumping rather quickly in my chest.

I remained in the dorm for the whole day as it turns out I managed to give myself a stress cold with how overwhelmed I was mixed with my lack of sleep. The concept was embarrassing. Katlyn had headed to class and explained to the teachers that I was feverish and that's he would collect anything that I needed for class since were roommates. Maggie was also worried and offered to help Katlyn as well by taking extra notes for me so I can know exactly what I missed in class. The two of them worked together to make sure that I would be set to come back to school next time, which meant a lot to me.

Around 3 in the afternoon I woke up from a much needed nap and felt well enough to make myself some tea. With a strong yawn and a nice stretch I got out of bed and put some nice fuzzy socks on. I went out to the empty dorm space with a sigh and headed to the kitchen. When I was there I grabbed the tea leaves, the kettle, and a spoon. As I was in the kitchen preparing the kettle with some water and about to set the stove top, I heard the front door handle jiggle as if someone had unlocked it with the key. When they opened the door I was shocked to see a very tall girl wearing a baseball cap with a red tank top under an open button up and denim short shorts. 'Who is that? That's not Katlyn or Claire. Did something happen to them? Did this person steal their key? Are we being robbed right now?!' I immediately panicked and grabbed the closest object to protect myself, which was the kettle I was about to put on the stove. As I prepared for the worst case scenario in my head, I noticed this girl was carrying someone on their back. "Claire?!" I yelled in shock seeing as this girl was carrying an unconscious Claire. I didn't even give this girl time to process that someone else was in the dorm as I rushed her with great concern on my face. "What happened?! Is she hurt?! Should I call a doctor?!" As I panicked and was very very hysterical, this girl placed her hand on my head and gave me a soft smile. "She's ok, please don't get so worked up. I need to put her down though so, excuse me." she walked passed me and laid Claire on the couch. The girl seemed so gentle with Claire that I couldn't help but realize this was the girl I saw Claire with the other day. As I looked at her gently brushing away the hair out of Claire's sleeping face, I immediately saw a flash of Katlyn in her place, and me in Claire's. I shook my head trying to erase it. "So, you're one of her roommates? I guess I should introduce myself. The name's Rachel, it's nice to meet ya."

As Rachel introduced herself all I could think of is how tall she was. I mean I'm not the tallest person either but she was taller then Katlyn who is probably the tallest girl I've meet aside from an actual adult. "H-hi, I'm Sophie. Uh actually wait a minute. Can you tell me what happened?" I asked looking at Claire and wondering if she was sick like I was. After what I said I couldn't help but feel responsible now. Rachel gave a sigh as she placed a hand on Claire's. "She broke up with me, and then fainted just after she said it." I was silent, and didn't know what to say or how to respond. Before I knew it I let my curiosity out. "How long we're you together?" I had asked and then felt a bit annoyed knowing that was probably a bad question to ask someone who just was dumped. However, Rachel gave me an answer. "Tomorrow would have been our one year anniversary." She sounded so defeated when she said this that I didn't know what to say next. "It's funny though, cause I remember catching her planning something big for it. But I guess I must have messed up and made her angry." She added to the guilt I had already been drowning in and I couldn't help but hate myself. "I'm sorry… this is totally my fault. Had I not said what I said maybe she wouldn't have been…" I covered my mouth immediately realizing I just began to confess I did something. I was so scared that this girl was gonna be angry and take it out in me. That she was gonna blame me like I already blame myself and it was gonna get real ugly. Rachel looked at me, curious and concerned. She stood up towering over me and said in a serious tone, "What do you mean? Explain it to me." This scared me greatly. "I… I'm really sorry! I saw you both the other afternoon and I didn't really mean too and then when we were finishing dinner that night she asked me if I was dating my friend and I really panicked and said things I really didn't mean and I get her feelings and I'm really really sorry!?" I just panicked yelled my entire confession. I was crying at this point just from how stressed I was that I hurt Claire to this extent. Rachel looked at me and listened with intent. When I finished she just put her hands on my shoulders. "I can relate to that… a little more then you know. Look, Claire is ok. She's pretty thick skinned honestly. I don't think it's what you said that got her that upset. Honestly it's probably because we broke up. Then without realizing, you reminded her of that…probably." Rachel admitted this to me, feeling a bit guilty herself. Honestly I wasn't prepared to hear that. 'They broke up? After looking so happy the other day? I really hope Claire is ok…' I thought this not even realizing that Rachel seemed to be preparing to leave the dorm. Before I could try and stop her from going she told me, "Don't let her be alone anymore…ok? Promise me." She said and I couldn't help but say "Sure."